Incest ahoy in Miami!

Holy uncomfortable sibling fondling -- Dexter Morgan has married his sister!

Okay, the characters Dexter and Debra Morgan haven't tied the knot. But the actors that play them, Michael C. Hall and Jennifer Carpenter, have.

I think I heard a while back that they were dating on the down low. And it didn't creep me out watching them interact as siblings on the the show. But now that they're out in the open about it (obvs, being married), will it change how you look at Dex and Deb? Of course, that's assuming you weren't already creeped out by Deb's neverending and colorful stream of expletives, and Dex's, you know, serial killing. (Both of which I found utterly charming, BTW). Speaking of creeped out, I recently rewatched The Exorcism of Emily Rose, where Carpenter played a girl possessed by the devil, and she was totally freaky and disturbing in that (in a good performance way). Perhaps Tim Tebow should have laid hands on her and cast out the demons.

Anyhoo, congrats to the newlyweds. We're all looking forward to the fourth season, provided they don't dwell on the potential new addition to the Morgan family, as so artfully described by Deb: "A baby? A motherfucking roly-poly chubby-cheek shit-machine; Are you kidding me?"

Conference pride? Or white hot enmity?

Well, the day is here for the mythical national championship game. And the age old question returns: do you want a bitter conference rival to win, for "conference pride?" Or does your hatred for them run so deep that you don't care about conference bragging rights, and just want to see the object of your antipathy ground into a fine paste?

My team is out of the equation, so why should I care, really? Maybe the whole "conference" issue is more of a southern thang, but I do believe it has taken on more prominence in recent years, with the rise of the blogosphere, ESPN's endless touting of conference bowl records and the epic FAILs of certain conferences on the big stage. And I've always had mixed feelings about it. Of course I think the best football in the country is played in the SEC. I pulled for LSU to win last year's MNC game. Despite the fact that Nick Saban is a huge asshat, I would have been actively pulling for 'Bama to win against Oklahoma tonight (should they have beaten the Jorts in the SECCG). I pulled for all the SEC teams in their bowl games, even the Chickens. (A total conference support record was probably aided by the fact that UT - number one on my shit list -- didn't go bowling this year). But this last game is challenging my conference loyalty.

I have nothing against Oklahoma, and I despise Florida with every fiber of my being. I hate no coach past or present (and yes, that includes Spurrier) the way I do the smug, sanctimonious Urban Meyer. And there is no player I loathe more than the over-hyped, holier-than-thou Tim Tebow.

So what to do while relaxing with a fine, potent beverage tonight watching the game? At the end of the day, seething hatred probably overcomes SEC chest-beating, and I will be pulling for the Sooners to completely dismantle the despised Jorts. (Sadly, my head tells me those rooting interests will be in vain).

ZOMG! Laura Roslin changed her relationship status!

An imagined "facebook" treatment of Battlestar Galactica. Frakkin' hilarious.

Marla Singer is one thing, a monkey is another

How hot does someone have to be for you to suffer through their movie? We all have our "celebrity crushes" or "Top 5" lists. (And of course, being the OCD that I am, TNRLM has an actual "list" on the CrackBerry, albeit one much longer, and probably more obscure, than 5). And it's a wonderful thing when your chosen hotties appear in high quality and/or entertaining flicks. That way, you can indulge your crush and see them on the silver (or small) screen, all while appreciating the surrounding flick as a work of art. For example, I've always had a crush on Diane Keaton. And it certainly doesn't "hurt" when I watch The Godfather or Annie Hall, because those are all-time pantheon movies. Or for a relatively more contemporary reference, Carrie Anne Moss is hot. And The Matrix is a modern sci-fi classic. No problem watching that. But what kind of crap will you put up with just to see a crush for 90 minutes or so?

I thought about this last night while I was flipping channels, and got caught up watching two different movies, featuring list designates) that really pushed the limits of my quality movie watching endurance. First up was Doomsday, starring Rhona Mitra. Now granted, I have a lower quality threshold for genre flicks. This was a Mad Max meets 28 Days Later mashup, with a dash of cannibalism thrown in for good measure, that featured lots of groan-inducing dialogue and people with mohawks. But Rhona? HOT. But that was nothing compared to what was on another channel, schlock-meister Uwe Boll's adaptation of the videogame BloodRayne. Sure, it sounds like it might offer some passable entertainment: Kristanna Loken as a half-human, half-vampire seeking vengeance on a vampire king played by Oscar winner Sir Ben Kingsley. Okay, "passable" might be stretching it, but how bad could it be? Turns out, downright shitastic. Quite possibly one of the worst movies I've ever seen. But I flipped back and forth between the two until the gory end of both. Glutton for punishment? Bored and horny? Too many glasses of wine? Nothing else on? Perhaps all the above. However, Rhona and Kristanna were on "the list," so I watched.

Now, I wouldn't have rushed to the theatre and plopped down $10 for the privilege of watching these cinematic disasters, but when you have hundreds of channels at your disposal, and you're all caught up on your TiVo, was it really that bad? (And obviously, we're wading into the shallow end of the pool here. There's nothing wrong with Angelina in Gia or Girl Interruped, or Kate Winslet in just about anything, from a quality movie perspective). Surely there's some underlying formula to this madness. So I thought about it, and came up with the "Hottie/Movie Quality Quadrant Analysis." If you rate both the hotness of your celebrity crush (in purely subjective terms) and the quality of the movie on scales of 1 - 10, and put it on a standard four quadrant grid, you can see more of what I'm talking about:



Green means that you're dealing with a total celebrity crush in a top flight movie, and you can watch (and even purchase the DVD) and feel good about it.
Yellow means proceed with caution. Either the movie is an all time classic (and/or expertly executed piece of cinema), OR you're dealing with someone you find on the upper tier of your hotness scale. The hotter the hottie, the more you're willing to put up with.
Red means that you might have a great movie on your hands, with no hotness present (think The Shawshank Redemption or 2001: A Space Odyssey), OR that someone is pegging the top range of the hottie-meter and you just might suffer through a movie that appears to be similar in quality to something you shot in your backyard with a Super 8 camera when you were 12, though probably without the tall busty bisexual in tight leather and fangs. (The above-mentioned BloodRayne would fall in this category, of course. Plotted on the graph as 9 and 0.25. I think you can figure out the axes).

So, using some of TNRLM examples:

• Scarlett Johansson in Lost in Translation or Vicky Christina Barcelona? Definitely Green. ScarJo in The Island? Red to Yellow (probably orange).
• Helena Bonham Carter in Wings of the Dove or Fight Club? Great movies. And I think I want to marry Marla Singer. Helena Bonham Carter in monkey makeup for Tim Burton's Planet of the Apes remake? A challenge.
• Grace Kelly in Hitchcock movies? Total green all the way.
• Kate Beckinsale in the Underworld movies? Her hotness definitely makes up for the schlockiness. A razor sharp bob and black leather can overcome a lot of bad special effects and wooden scripting. Same with Angelina Jolie in the otherwise terrible Lara Croft films.
• Carla Gugino in everything. Being number 1 in the TNRLM list, I will watch her in anything, though I'd prefer it be something like Watchmen or Sin City, rather than Rise (but yeah, I watched that too).
• On the other side of the coin, I never got the "hot appeal" of Katherine Hepburn, though she's admittedly an absolutely terrific actress. So she was elevated by The Philadelphia Story, for example.
• Or Katherine Heigl. From everything I read about her, I find her particularly annoying (though she does smoke, which is good). And I loathe Grey's Anatomy. But I actually found myself watching parts of 27 Dresses the other day, because yes, she's hot (and also because it featured the delectable Judy Greer).
• God knows how many by the numbers boring thrillers I sat through featuring Ashley Judd. But yeppers, I watched 'em. Though it was much better to enjoy her, and a great movie, in Heat.

So what about you? How far will you go with your movie watching to indulge your celebrity crushes? What's the worst flick you've watched featuring a "lister?" Surely some female readers have suffered through much of the Keanu Reeves oeuvre just to see their boy? Or some other less than stellar flicks to see Clooney, Pitt, Cusack, Damon, Denzel or another object of affection?

"Do I look like a ditchable prom date to you?"

That line is from a Season 3 episode of Supernatural ("No Rest for the Wicked"), spoken by the character below:

Which Supernatural Character Are You?

More on Supernatural. Created by BuddyTV

I'm okay with Bobby, who is one of my favorite characters from the show. In fact, I have a nice track record on the "who are you" TV quizzes:



Find out Which Lost Character Are You at LiquidGeneration.com!

Doctor Gaius Baltar

You are "Doctor Gaius Baltar".
Often paranoid and feel that your peers misunderstand you.
Are extremely intelligent, but can't handle power well.
You get into relationships which you are unsure about
and show emotion too much.

Which Buffy the Vampire Slayer Character Are You?

More on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Created by BuddyTV

Apparently, I'm kinda smart, kinda loyal, kinda star-crossed, kinda haunted and probably crazy. And might bring about the end of the world.

I'll take potpourri for $4,400, Alex

Today's roundup is especially list-heavy, given all the year end compiling and judgments. Enjoy.

A list of the Top 15 anticipated TV events for 2009. Here's another anticipatory list from Kristin at E! And because you're dying to know what I think, here's TNRLM's list (in reverse order):

• American Idol (Top 12 Only. And please new judge, be cutting, cogent and coherent, and minimize the time devoted to "personal stories" and Randy and Paula)
• Reaper
• Big Love
• Goldblum on L&O:CI (nice to see one of the critics above give a shout out to the little watched, but compelling, Raines)
• Lie To Me
• 24
• Battlestar Galactica
• Lost
• Dollhouse

Who? The new Doctor will be revealed sometime today. Some interesting choices there, but you can't argue with the perfect casting for the last two. Whoever it is, they will have some big shoes to fill, as Tennant has been spectacular. I haven't heard his name much until this article, but the spellcheck-crippling (and mucho talented) Chiwetel Ejiofor would be an inspired selection.

This makes a lot of sense, and why should 16% of the population continually be ignored?

Alan Sepinwall has a great interview with Ron Moore about the last part of BSG. Of particular note is his "checklist of question." And Mo Ryan has some thoughts on the next episode as well. I'm a reformed spoiler whore. I used to scour message boards and articles to find out everything I could about a show before it aired. Now? For the "major" shows (like Lost and BSG) where the surprise of the narrative is important, I try to stay as spoiler-free as possible.

Devin at CHUD is doing a very thorough and funny trek through all the original episodes and movies of Star Trek featuring the OG cast.

Speaking Trek, who knew there was Trek porn?

10 New Year's Resolutions for geeks.

I spent an inordinate amount of time going through these next 2 lists, watching video clips. It's a fascinating read. Den of Geek has assembled the Top 50 Movie Special Effects and the Top 24 Worst Movie Special Effects.

Another good cliptacular article; io9's Top 20 TV moments.

Oh fuck. Is XM Sirius in trouble next year? That would be horrific for my listening enjoyment.

Is Twitter better than SMS? Personally, I prefer SMS for "communicating" and Twitter for microblogging (when you SMS, you have to enter fewer address characters, at least on the CrackBerry, to send a message. And not all of my regular peeps are on Twitter).

A review of the Dr. Horrible DVD. (BTW, my favorite Evil League of Evil application was from Tur Moyel).

More listacular goodness -- TV.com counts down the Top 100 of everything, along with several other good listy recaps.

Pop Candy's Top 10 TV of the year.

A "Horrible" start to the new year

I recently received the hot off the press Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog DVD, and watched it through three separate times the past couple of days. First, just to savor the whole thing on a regular TV screen (I had previously watched it streaming on my PC, in iTunes and then again on my iPod). Then, I watched the DVD with the cast and crew (talking) commentary. Finally, I watched it with "Commentary: The Musical!" turned on. In case you didn't know, this is an episode "commentary" where the cast and crew sing all new songs, addressing such subjects as why Nathan is better than Neil in ever way, the writers' strike, why nobody wants to be "Moist" and Felicia's acting "process."

For fans, this thing is a total treat. Even if you've already seen Dr. Horrible (which made an incredible number of year end "10 best" lists), you really need to pick up the DVD. In addition to the program itself and the commentaries, you'll find a making-of program and several very funny fan applications for the Evil League of Evil.

Dr. Horrible Site can be found here, with links to iTunes (for the original) and Amazon (for the DVD).

They still haven't published the lyrics for "Commentary! The Musical" on the official site yet, but I did find where someone online had done a great job of transcribing them. I put them in a google docs document here.

Make a resolution to start your new year Horribly!

TNRLM's Best of Television 2008

In many ways, 2008 was a down year for television, with the strike disrupting or derailing the continuity of the programming schedule, and "reality" TV continuing its plague-like spread across the airwaves. Yet amidst the chaos, several shows stood out above the rest, and here is the TNRLM Top 10:

(Quick note: two shows that appear on virtually every Top 10 list this year are The Shield and The Wire. For whatever reasons, I never got into either of them, and can't accurately assess their quality. Perhaps that will be a summer DVD Project).

1. Lost. Now that Team Darlton have a confirmed end in site, the show ratcheted up the pace and responded with a stellar season light on the filler and heavy on the drama. The "flash forwards" added a thought-provoking new dimension to the narrative, and the new characters (Faraday, Charlotte, Miles, Lapidus) were all fascinating, well acted and spot on. Plus, Lost gave us the single best hour of television this year with "The Constant."
2. Battlestar Galactica. The sci-fi show for people who don't like sci-fi shows. This gritty, mesmerizing drama features the finest ensemble cast on the tube, and despite being set in a world with robots, spaceships and prophecies, always retains its focus on what matters: the characters.
3. Mad Men. Season 2 refused to push the "action" forward at a breakneck pace, instead languorously taking us through the existential crisis of adman Don Draper, and we were all the better for it. Like Lost and BSG, Mad Men offers a cast with depth and talent to burn, and the stories that didn't focus on Don (Peggy's growth, Pete's realizations, Duck's machinations, Roger's divorce) were just as fascinating.
4. The Middleman. This (sadly) little watched gem on ABC Family pulled off the most difficult high-wire act of the year, straddling the line between cult and camp with a verve, wit and energy I can't recall seeing before. The laugh out loud scripts and wordplay were matched only by the precisely calibrated and endearing performances. "Mutual of Omaha!" "I’m as serious as a hefty bag full of rottweilers " when I say I will buy this baby on DVD the second it comes out.
5. Pushing Daisies. Thanks to my relocation, I missed the boat on this one when it first started, but I quickly caught up and found this quirk-filled beauty a total delight. I was also in love with Bryan Fuller's other fantastical show, Wonderfalls, and Pushing Daisies upped the ante on that show in every conceivable way. The central premise is intriguing enough (a piemaker who can raise the dead, and solves crimes with his just resurrected longtime love and a caustically sarcastic PI), but you compound that with candy-acid set design and cinematography, Emmy-worthy performances, musical interludes and a rich mythos, and you have something truly unique. Despite their radically different settings and concepts, one thing the top 5 shows here all have in common is their uncompromising and brilliant scripting.
6. Chuck. Once you get past the fact that everyone seems to be connected to some espionage organization, you can just sit back and enjoy the easy charms of this action-spy-comedy. The antics at the Buy More are just as entertaining as the main plots that drive the action, and the Chuck / Sara romance takes what could be a cliche and finds equal parts humor and pathos. Plus, any show that saves the world by getting high score on a Missile Command arcade machine is okay in my book.
7. In Treatment. HBO's novel experiment - a five night a week, 30 minute drama, with each episode being one session between a shrink and one of his patients -- delivered the goods with claustrophobic and searing performances. All of the sessions were involving and dramatic, but the ones with damaged gymnast Mia Wasikowska were riveting.
8. CBS Monday Comedy. Okay, I'm cheating here (and on the next one) by combining two shows into one entry. But the one-two punch of How I Met Your Mother and The Big Bang Theory is a treat on a night crammed with eminently watchable TV. HIMYM continued being one of the best under the radar classic sitcoms ever, and the fractured narratives and pop culture concepts (like "the naked man") never fail to amuse. Season 2 of Big Bang sanded off some of the rough edges, and made all the characters engaging and involved. Now we can laugh with them, instead of at them.
9. NBC Thursday Comedy. Despite an overreliance on guest stars, 30 Rock easily produces the highest laugh / minute ratio of any show on TV. Liz Lemon is a dysfunctional Mary Richards for the modern era, and Alec Baldwin's Jack Donaghy is an inspired comic creation. The Office ventured away from some of the unbelievably stupid (like following a GPS into a lake) antics and found its groove again with Micheal's relationship with the dorktastic Holly.
10. Burn Notice. This burned spy caper show is an easygoing marvel of efficiency. The plots hum along, giving viewers lots of little "how to" insights into the world of spycraft, all while providing a healthy dose of sex appeal, action beats, humor, yogurt and geek deity Bruce Campbell.

Honorable Mention (in no particular order):

• Supernatural. I'm not sure why I didn't latch on to this show when it started, but I just spent the xmas break devouring the first 3 season on DVD, and catching up on TiVo'd season 4. A worthy successor to the Buffy/Angel/X-Files tradition of character-based drama, scares and laughs.
• Law & Order (original recipe). The new cast is the best since the glory years.
• House. House and Wilson are as great as ever, but I don't care about Cuddy's baby (showrunners: please stop adding kids to shows. I tune out. Thanks. TNRLM). And as hot as Olivia Wilde is, I don't care that much about Thirteen. Or Foreman.
• Life on Mars. Intriguing and entertaining. Worth watching for Michael Imperioli's mustache.
• Dexter. Micheal C. Hall is certainly Emmy-worthy (as always), Jimmy Smits was a live-wire foil for the year and Deb is still delightfully profane. But see House above: please stop adding babies.
• The Closer. A by the numbers procedural, anchored by an electric central performance and a talented supporting cast.
• Fringe. Could have easily made it into the Top 10 with a greater sample. Many don't like Anna Torv's Olivia, but I think her stoic performance is right in line with the character (plus, we got to see her lighter side late in the season when she was doing shots). Walter Bishop is the best new character on TV, and his son Peter is delightful snarky.
• Eli Stone. I want to dislike this because of the religiosity and consistently preachy lefty politics, but I can't. It's too well crafted.
• True Blood. It took a while to find its footing, but this deep south vampire show showed considerable promise.
• The Mentalist. TV's highest rated new drama was yet another procedural, but one with a charming and star-making performance from lead Simon Baker.
• Torchwood. Upped the body count this year, and just as kooky, sexy and entertaining as year one.
• Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. I'm getting a little tired of the terminator of the week being sent back in time, but the central mysteries, dramatic performances and character conflicts keep me coming back eagerly.
• Bones. A modern Moonlighting for the cadaver set, without the lead actor antipathy. Charisma to burn, and the addition of Sweets was a smart move (and goes a long way to make up for the Zack debacle).
  

2008? Get the fuck out.

2008. The year that was. Just a really, fantastically awesome year.

Except emotionally. And professionally. And psychologically. And technologically. And sexually. And automotively. And monetarily. And fantasy footballily. And qualitatively. And Willie Martinezily. And any other Lolly, Lolly, Lolly get your fucking adverbs here-ly.

Other than that? Yeah, great.

I'll take potpourri for $4,300, Alex

The brilliant but snuffed before its time Deadwood has been released on DVD. Critic Alan Sepinwall touches on the release here, and offers some thoughts on the extras (including who was to "blame" for the premature axe falling on one of TV's best, and most challenging, shows. Fuck you HBO, you cocksuckers).

Another great reason to always keep a fully stocked bar at home. Ladies!

Critics are savaging The Spirit, which is Frank Miller's take on Will Eisner's seminal comic. As a longtime fan of the comic, I'm not sure Miller was the right guy to try to capture the tricky tone of the original work. But here's a look at crimefighters who share The Spirit's sense of fashion. When I was a kid and writing and illustrating my own comics, I did a Shadow knock-off I called "The Dark." He looked almost exactly like Lamont Cranston's alter ego, except his mask was purple instead of red. And he had a smaller nose. I think I did the whole thing so I could use the trite headline "who's afraid of The Dark?!" Hey, I was ten.

Two of my favorite TV critics have put together their Top 10 lists. Last week, I linked to Mo Ryan's. Here is Alan Sepinwall's. Though I never got into The Wire or The Shield, I agree with most of their choices, and it's cool that they're so similar. So nice to see TNRLM favorites: Mad Men, Lost, Chuck, In Treatment, The Office, Battlestar Galactica, Supernatural, Doctor Who, Torchwood, Burn Notice, 30 Rock and The Middleman (!). I would also add Dexter (which both critics seemed to think had an off year), How I Met Your Mother, and Big Bang Theory.

I twittered about this, but here's visual evidence of "the golden shower."

Thoughts on The Middleman from the creator (no DVD or S2 updates, sadly), along with an unfilmed scene.

Great summary of the year's best in TV quotage. Also from TVGal, 2008 "Favorites."

Hilariously, and ironically, forwarded from a friend:


A detailed Vanity Fair article on the infamous Star Wars Holiday Special.

Fuck recycling. Build a Battlestar!

The awesome and geek-friendly Dina Meyer will turn up on Burn Notice as Micheal's ex-fiancee.

A day late: misheard xmas lyrics.

I'm not a huge fan of horror films, but here's an interesting list of the 25 best modern horror movies.

Sex In The City + Werewolves = Bitches (who said Hollywood was out of ideas?)

Haven't read the content yet, but how frakkin' hot are Alyson Hannigan's candy striped knee socks?

The AV Club's 2008 in Band Names. Very funny stuff. Personal favorites: Methadone Abortion Clinic, Only Hate Will Set You Free, Post Mortem Bong Hit, Jesus Fucking Christ, Graveslut, Gestapo Pussy Ranch, Anal Hearse, 3 Piston Ass Hammer, Touched By A Janitor, Sleezus Fist And The Latter Day Taints, Fuckstorm, Flock of Steven Seagals, Previously On Lost, Kneel to Zod, Calling Jack Burton, Piss Piss Piss Moan Moan Moan, Bourbon Toothpaste

Yeah, I ate that

More proof that you should never go to the grocery store when you're hungry:


I'd never seen these before (I think TastyKake is the yankee version of Little Debbie), but DAMN, were they good.

Merry Festivus!

The Festivus season is upon us, so that means it's time for the "Airing of the Grievances." So...

Things don't work 100% perfectly, all the time. Yeah, this is a pipe dream, but it drives me absolutely crazy. I want all software installs to go smoothly, with no problems and no conflicts. I want rain and storms to not affect DirecTV. I want an internet connection that never drops, and pages that always load. I want a home phone system that doesn't decide to start ringing for no reason (this is a new treat. Thank Zeus I use the CrackBerry for everything anyway). I want a vehicle that doesn't require tune ups, new brakes or tires. I want responsive customer service that solves my problems on the first try. I want to connect a new monitor that doesn't require a 2 hour search for the "right" drivers. I want to live in a controlled climate where the A/C doesn't "freeze up" and requires spending 24 hours in a sweltering hotbox and then another 48 with a loud, noisy and barely effective portable unit. I want the high-end TV to automatically switch from 4:3 to 16:9 when I watch a widescreen DVD like it used to.

Traveling is a pain in the ass. Yes, of course, it's nice to get out and about for business and pleasure. But why the fuck are there so many toll roads in the northeast, when we're taxed within an inch of our life? And I'm so sick and tired of the "take off your belt, take off your shoes, take everything out of your pockets, unpack your laptop, put everything back together" dance at airport security. Not to mention that you could fall out of the sky at any moment.

Still in the dark. Still no explanation, still no apology.

Same old politics. The political process is so polarized now, there's no room in the middle. I follow the stories closely, and it's all "us and them." There are only two parties, and I can't identify with either one. I don't understand the left's fascination with socialism and stealing the money of the successful and giving it to people who make poor choices, and I can't understand the right's belief in the supernatural and imposing their ridiculous theology on the whole of society. A new "regime" promises "change," but I'll believe it when I see it.

TV Viewers are stupid. How can we live in a world Pushing Daisies gets canceled, The Middleman is in limbo and Mad Men only draws a couple of million viewers, yet The Hills and Keeping Up With the Kardashians even exist?

Willie Martinez's job performance. I won't go crazy and call for the man's job. Yeah, there were numerous and significant injuries. But how the fuck does an entire defense so completely shit the bed for a full half of football three times in one season? And lest we forget WVU, this isn't the first time this has happened.

Fantasy Football. I stopped logging in to even check on my team around week 12. I stayed sober during my draft this year, and boy, that helped. Last year, I drank way too much and don't even recall who I wound up with, yet won my Super Bowl. My liver should tremble in fear awaiting next year's draft.

Not having a garage. Since I'm currently in apartment purgatory, I don't have a garage (much less two) connected to my dwelling like I did for many years. Sure, I'm somewhat fortunate in that I have covered parking in a deck, but there are still steps and a walk involved, and it's a pain the ass. I often find myself at the grocery store limiting the items I pick up, just so I won't have to make two fucking trips from the car to the door when I get home. "Do I really need that 12-pack of beer or that detergent? Well, I can't put it in a bag and hook it on one finger and get it inside on one trip, so I'll just drink that rubbing alcohol and wash my clothes with Joy in the sink."

Annoying commercials. Maybe it's just what I watch (usually news or sports) when I'm not TiVoing , but I really don't want to ever see another NutriSystem commercial. Nor have Beyonce imploring "Lemmee upgrade ya."

Comcast. My problems with Comcast have been well documented, so much so that I created a blog label for "Fuck Your Mother, Comcast." There's the poor customer service. The spotty performance. The barely functional products. But to top it off, my internet service went down Tuesday and didn't come back up until late last night. Can you imagine me without access to the internet for 48 hours? I called repeatedly, but all I heard is that there was an "outage." No explanation why. No estimated time of repair. No outbound notification (via phone, or text, or email) on when the problem would be resolved. And every time I called to check on it, I had to go through some labyrinthine menu asking me moronic questions about how "I" attempted to resolve the problems thus far. Fortunately, I was able to get all my webby access via the CrackBerry. But have you ever read 600+ Google Reader items on a tiny screen? It's like they always say about masturbating -- do it too much and you'll go blind. Fun fact: Google "comcast sucks" and you'll get 32,000+ results. A specific query of "fuck you comcast" gets over 1,000. Guess I'm not alone.

Nails. Do I live on a construction site? No. But in just about a year, I've had three nails in my tires, requiring two patches and one purchase of a brand new tire. Even though I have a 4WD, it's not like I'm going off road or driving through the carpentry section of Home Depot for crissakes.

Where I am. No one says "y'all" or "honey" or "sugar" or "darlin." Everything is overpriced by at least 40%. There are no real suburbs. No one is friendly. I'm geographically impaired (though fortunately equipped with GPS now in the car and on the CrackBerry) and this is unbelievably confusing. There's never enough parking, no matter where you go, and the spaces are as tiny as the seats at Neyland Stadium. There are no Zaxby's here. None of my friends are in driving distance. The local paper is awful (half the sports section is about college lacrosse!). It sucks.

The future is barren

One of the many downsides of the holiday season is that there is absolute CRAP on TV.  I looked at the "To Do List" on my TiVo, which extends out for at least 10 - 12 days, and saw that there was basically NOTHING scheduled to be recorded. 

Well, there were 2 episodes of PTI, which I will watch, of course.  There was an episode of the now-canceled Eli Stone. And I think the S2 premiere of Secret Diary of a Call Girl, which was inexplicably boring despite much Billie Piper cheekiness and nakedness.  But other than that, nada.

To get me through these dark days, I do have some eppys saved up in the "Now Playing" bank, as well as S1 - 3 of Supernatural (which I just discovered, and which you should be watching if you're not already) on DVD.  Oh, and there are probably some bowl games.  I foresee lots of bloody marys in my future.

Oh, but here's a Festivus miracle:  the sheer beauty of the "remote DVR Scheduler."  While I was at work today, I saw in the paper today that The Soup is doing a year end special tonight.  While I was outside (freezing my arse off) having a ciggie, I brought up DirecTV on the CrackBerry, and "told" my TiVo to record it:

 

How awesome is that?

Head just 'sploded

Check out this awesome chart at io9.  I think my xmas break may be consumed with figuring out all the connections.

Note: it's kind of a geek version of the Tommy Westphall Multiverse. Which also makes my head hurt.

Win and in!

Thanks to an epic FAIL last night from Jessica Simpson's boyfriend and his overrated, whiny, batshit narcissist WR (with god looking down through the roof!), the Falcons control their own playoff destiny just one year removed from losing their dog-killing QB to jail and having their limp-dicked coward of a coach quit on them during the season, all while starting a rookie signal caller, with a first-time head coach on the sidelines. AMAZING.

The hapless Rams are the last game of the season (at home) for the Birds, so that makes today's tilt against the Vikings a virtual play-in. Critical game against the Vikes? Bring back any memories?

It probably does for the patrons of The Walleye.

"99 NFC Championship Game?"
Slams fist on bar.
"Damn!"

Sadly, I couldn't find any pictures of Robin Scherbatsky in a Vikings jersey.

Don't forget your toothbrush! Or the tickets!

I think it's well established around these parts that your humble TNRLM editor is a bit OCD, and that making lists is the Sun around which the Earth revolves. (Unless, of course, you take it on "faith" that the Sun revolves around the Earth).

There are lists for all the logical things, like the running list of things to purchase at the grocery store. (Everyone keeps a running list, right? Rather than creating one from scratch right before the trip to the store? So when you run out of -- or run low on -- an item, you just add it to the list as you go? Maybe not? Chaos, I tells ya). Or the list of things to pack you make when you go on an out of town trip. Or the wish list at Amazon.com. Or the Outlook Task List for things to do at work. Or the Google notebook list of things you want to reference for a "potpourri" post later that week. You get the idea. Lists are good.

We got into a debate of sorts around these parts earlier this year, when one of my compatriots forgot something that might have been helpful, or even necessary, when attending a major college football game: the tickets.

Back when I was one of the primary drivers and organizers of the tailgating expedition, I developed a handy pre-launch checklist that looked something like this:

And when I travel, I use a checklist (that's both on the PC and the CrackBerry) that looks something like this:

But for those less inclined to generate their own lists, there's a great service that will help you create a travel checklist, called "Don't forget your toothbrush."

All you do is create a quick user ID and password, and the service will walk you though developing a comprehensive list. It's mainly designed for our of town travel, and has some awesome features. Of course, there's the "check off items you want to pack" part. But it also systematically asks you about other pre-trip preparations you might want to make (arrange for a babysitter, what to do about the pets, check your passport to make sure it's current, charge all your batteries, stop the papers, pay bills that will come due while you're gone, empty the fridge of stuff that will rot, turn off the pool heater, adjust the thermostats, set the alarm and lock the doors, etc.). At the end, it will generate a printed checklist for you for all the activities and packing you need to do, AND email you reminders (with associated activities) leading up to the departure date.

Some folks I know might want to add signing up for this service to their To Do list.

I think I've become Rupert Giles

Quick, when you think of Giles, what image comes into your head?

For me, it's probably something along the lines of this (from S6's "All The Way"):

Buffy : Is that why you're always cleaning your glasses? So you don't have to see what we're doing?

Giles : Tell no one.

I've worn glasses for years now, and for the life of me, I can't keep them clean from minute to minute. I must have at least 20 of those microfiber glasses cleaners stashed in every conceivable place: living room, bathroom, office, car, briefcase, kitchen. And it seems that I'm pulling one of those out to wipe them down every 10 minutes. I should probably go to Sam's Club and buy the lens cleaner in 55 gallon drums. I have no idea where all the glasses schmutz comes from. It's not like I compulsively decide to poke myself in the eye, with only the lens to protect me from becoming a cyclops. (Or Xander in S7!) I always take them off and put them on by the frame. I don't spray when I talk like Lou Holtz or Bill Cowher. I don't use them as protection when I'm dissecting corpses in the crime lab. I don't run out onto the balcony and stare at the sky during heavy precipitation. Yet I constantly see some type of smudge or particle on the lens that bugs the fuck out of me and I have to wipe it off.

I'm probably one psychotic break away from purchasing these:

I'll take potpourri for $4,200, Alex

Okay, I'll admit it. I had these as a kid. But sadly, I was too young to have someone in a Leia metal bikini to roll around them with me.

A Horrible gift to give. And I may have sent this to someone who hasn't yet experienced the magic.
Speaking of which, here's a completely unbiased review of the DVD.

Jane Espenson says chillax, everything's fine on Dollhouse. And FOX execs talk Dollhouse, among other things. And someone else who has seen the new pilot. An interview with the lovely and talented Amy Acker. Part 1. Mark Sheppard, of BSG, The Middleman, Firefly and Dollhouse and many other things, has an interview here. And another great video interview here.

The Periodic Table of Awesome.

Say what you will about his efforts on MNF, but Uncle Tony is great on the radio. Sadly, he won't be returning to that medium for a while.

I didn't need to read the rest of the article. I was hooked at the headline.

Who wants to work in the Death Star or the Enterprise?

Because really, that's where you go to find the best and brightest.

SlingBox on your CrackBerry? Should we go ahead and add the CrackBerry to Maslow's hierarchy?! And then there's this. Wow. that's a tough choice. With the CrackBerry, at least I can get it anywhere, anytime and for a long as I want. And I don't have to worry about catching a "virus" or spawning small, expensive and noisy BlackBerries.

Advisors suggest Sam Bradford -- and Matt Stafford -- should stay in school another year.

Check out the last item here. Damn, someone's not a Mark Richt fan.

What's Carly Smithson been up to? Still love her.

Read through the first few pages of this recap of the Heroes "volume" finale. Of the myriad problems with the show, characterization is first and foremost, as you'll see.

Sarah Michelle Gellar's Maxim outtakes. Time for a cold shower.

Sent to me by a former honey. Guess she knows me, huh?

Visitors to Bryant-Denny will now get in the proper mindset. Brilliant.

More ridiculous Batman 3 rumors. But I like this one. Meow.

Obviously, kids inspire bloodlust.

This should be posted in every office breakroom.

21 unnecessary sequels that were great anyway.

Mo Ryan's Top 10 shows of 2008. An excellent list, including the "runners up."

TV shows that more people should have watched. Yeah! for 7, 6, 5, 2 and 1. And The Middleman should be on that list, too.

The Big O really represents "change," eh? I made a note of this earlier in the week when it was first announced, and since then it's blown up into a big -- and legitimate -- controversy. Flat earth, theocratic politics as usual. Inclusive my ass. Why is this even necessary, particularly with someone so bigoted and intellectually dim? Of course, Hitchens has a take.

Say what you will Barry, but here's an interesting look at the development of his logo.

Robin was right about "entertainment" north of the border.

We have to go baaaaack!

Can you believe the season premiere of Lost is actually drawing nigh? Lots of goodies have surfaced recently, including:

New awesomely retro looking official posters (click for 5 more beauties):


Sneak Peek of a scene with Jack and Ben:



Sneak Peek with Kate and Aaron:



An unfuckingbelievable new trailer, that we'll all have to analyze frame by frame:



A "Lost Xmas" with Damon and Carlton answering questions:



And this isn't new, but as a refresher, a theory on Lost's time travel.

January 21st can get here fast enough.

Merry Fringemas!

But does it come with a label maker?

Much to my surprise, I opened up a UPS package this morning to find the following:


One of my BFFs sent me this (along with a delightful card). Too funny.

As we know, OCDs come in all shapes and sizes. My particular strain is more "organized" and less "germophobe." I mean, I do keep a pretty "clean" place, but I'm more worried about neatness and everything having a place than I am about coming into contact with germs. I don't have any worries about my cats having complete run of the house, and jumping up on whatever they want (like I could stop that anyway) and I'm fully in favor of the "5 second rule" when it comes to dropping food. But everything in the house (and office, and car, and briefcase, and...) has a distinct and specific place where "it goes." And when it's not in "active use," it goes right back there. Everything should be labeled, preferably with a P-Touch. I compulsively make lists, and have a "checklist" for virtually every type of activity you might want to undertake. Almost every household item has a "backup," and sometimes backups of backups. Needless to say, if the apocalypse came tomorrow, I would probably be well prepared.

Nonetheless, the "action figure" made me laugh. Now I have to find a categorized place for it.

But sometimes the "bad" ones make ya think

In my previous potpourri collection, I linked to one person's take on the "best sci-fi remakes." Here's another perspective on the "10 worst sci-fi remakes." Oddly, you'll notice some of the same films on both lists.

Of the listed "worst" films on that list, I agree with them all. However, when you get into the "runners up," you'll see two movies that I love, Vanilla Sky and Solaris. I'm sure part of the problem many critics and viewers had with both of these is that they are remakes of critically adored foreign films (Amenabar's Abre los Ojos and Tarkovsky's Solaris). Remaking a beloved foreign language film naturally puts you into somewhat of a cultural gutter, as many think you have to "dumb down" the original material in order to appeal to the popcorn munching masses in the US market. And there's probably a kernel (get it?) of truth to that. I've seen both versions of both movies, and though there are some concessions made in the translations, the central ideas and questions posed by both films remain intact.

One of the first blog posts I ever made (back on my old blog) was related to a rewatching of Solaris and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotted Mind:

Watched two of my favorite movies yesterday: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotted Mind and Vanilla Sky. Yes, I know one stars Tom Cruise. And yes, I know he's one llama and a chimp away from being Michael Jackson. But dammit, he still made some good movies before the whole couch jumping and Dark Lord Xenu shit. The fascinating thing about both these movies is that they ask one of the most critical questions you can face: what is real?

Is the person that you love or loved the way you see them or they way they are? Or is it some combination? Much like two different people can look at the same cloud formation, and one sees a bunny and the other sees a cheese grater. Your perception of a person is based on a multiplicity of things: what they tell you about themselves (that you can or cannot verify or trust); what you personally observe; the effect of what they do and say and how it impacts you; the filter of your own experiences and values; what others tell you about this person; your own insecurities, hopes, wants and needs and obviously the affection you feel for the person. And does it have a cause and effect component? For example, does how you view someone make them behave in a way that justifies their reality in your worldview? But what is the real truth? Or even, is there a real truth at all? Is there simply a core that is the collection of our behaviors and actions, and the rest of our essence is the way others view us giving each viewer their own separate interpretation of the same person (you) but therefore creating a number of different yous that all exist in the same time and space? Is it possible to change this person, by changing your own worldview? What triggers this?

The central conceit of both movies is that there is no clear cut answer -- no clear cut you or your other. If you entered an altered reality, would things be exactly the same, or if you knew that going in, could you actually change things? Can you strip away the biases and experiences and ever see anyone for what they really are? Does the love and affection your feel, and the truths you think you believe, prevent you from realizing they are psychotic, dangerous or cruel? Or are they that way because you created them that way? (VS) Or, if you stripped away the memory and experiences that shaped (or created) the person in your eyes, would you fall in love exactly the same way and relive things tangibly exactly the same way again? (ESSM)

What is REAL?

BTW, another movie that expertly, though somberly and with a sci-fi twist, plays with these same notions is Solaris.

Good sci-fi asks the "what if" questions. What if computers develop a personality? What if artificial intelligence aggressively pursues its own self-preservation? What happens if you mess with the time-space continuum? What happens if you have first contact with an alien species? What is the next next step for human evolution?

What I like about the movies mentioned above is that they all wrap their plots in sci-fi trappings and technology, but turn the central questions inward to the human condition. What exactly is real? Are the memories that we recall from the past truly a "recording" of the way events actually happened, or an "alternate reality" created through the prism of our own perceptions? And even in real time, are events unfolding with a "universal truth" or does each individual perception create unlimited, divergent timelines of individual realities?

Flicks that play with those questions in macro (like Total Recall or The Matrix) can make for great, thought-provoking and action packed entertainment. But I find that the movies that bring those stories down a personal level, like Eternal Sunshine, Solaris and Vanilla Sky, stick with me longer and make me ask some unsettling questions about my own human experience.

But no matter how philosophical you get, the Planet of the Apes remake still blows.

I'll take potpourri for $4,100, Alex

For fellow comic book nerds: who were the best artists for each superhero?

More official Lost cast photos have surfaced. Does anyone else agree with me that Juliet is hotter than a thousand suns?

Speaking of hot, Kristin Bell outtakes.

Economy in trouble? Here is a brilliant way to help.

One of the writers of the new Trek film discusses science, canon and how the movie fits.

The quotable Alec Baldwin.

Let Barry light up!

Finally, proof of the Almighty.

This cracks me up. The ALL CAPS are just perfect.

A peek at plans Supernatural's new year. BTW, I was late to the party on this show. I guess it got lost in the CW ghetto for me, but I've been catching up via (simultaneously) 4th season shows on TiVo, and the 1st and 2nd seasons on DVD. And I have to say, while it's not quite to the level of Buffy and Angel, this is an tremendously entertaining and engaging genre show, with laughs, scares, arcs and most importantly, great writing and acting. If you haven't checked it out, you should.

Are these the 7 worst guitar solos of all time? And 2 of them are in completely awesome songs, too.

I have no idea what this is about, but the title alone makes me want to see it.

Here's some logic and reason I wish was more prevalent.

Christopher Nolan examines his favorite scene in The Dark Knight.

The fabulous Maura Tierney joins Rescue Me? Awesome.

Marisa Tomei has no problem getting nekkid. And we have no problem say "thanks."

Just last week, I said that Stacey Dales is my favorite sideline princess. And just like that, she's out of a job. In case I have magical powers, perhaps I should say that Lou Holtz, Emmit Smith and Mark May are my favorite analysts.

Great news on the voice of the computer for the new Trek movie.

One take on the "best 7 sci-fi remakes." I agree with most of them, including the oft-bashed and underappreciated Vanilla Sky, and one of the best flicks I've seen in the last 10 years, the Solaris remake, but Burton's Planet of the Apes? Really? Ugh.

A preview of tomorrow's Sarah Connor Chronicles, which I continue to heart with a passion.

Around the Dawgosphere

Three of UGA's SEC compatriots have made coaching hires. The orange-wearing devils UT added Lane Kiffykins, and his primary benefits seem to be A) a hot wife, B) a smart dad, and C) adding the unintelligible but skilled recruiter Ed Orgeron. USC's offense didn't seem to miss a beat once he took his (arguable) contributions to the professional wasteland that is Oakland, and as long as Cutcliffe isn't calling the plays for the Vols, I'm okay with this move. Mississippi State only rolls around on our schedule every few years, and the talent base there isn't really solid enough to threaten for the conference championship, so anything that weakens The Jorts is okay in my book (though it would be nice if someone took their DC too -- who inexplicably got passed over on the coaching carousel again). And then there's the WarEagleTigerPlainsmen. Holy shit what a clusterfuck. You get rid of Tubs, only to add a head coach who has unbelievably managed to diminish the program at Iowa State? As a Dawg fan, I can only say "thank you" to Auburn.

How will Knowshon fare in the pros? He certainly has all the skills. The only question will be how he takes the pounding at the next level.

The tennis Dawgs win another national title. (Once upon a time, many moons ago, your TNRLM editor was asked to try and walk on with the team. Of course, your humble editor was more interested in keg parties).

Hey, guess what? I found another Mandel shot at UGA.

Julio Jones named SEC freshman of the year. Excuse me? Team results aside, what the hell were the voters smoking? And how does someone make AP ALL-SEC FIRST TEAM OFFENSE (ahead of the other guy) and NOT get named freshman of the year. WTF?

David Hale takes a great, in-depth look at next year's lineup. Yep, the losses of (potentially, but probably) of Stafford and Moreno, along with Sutherland and MoMass, will hurt. But I think the offense will be much better collectively than it appears. The line, with experience and recovery from injuries, not to mention CSS coachin' 'em up, will be very solid. And even though Cox has been there for a while behind Staff, I don't envision this as a Tereshinski situation. The question will be how the D -- and the coaching of the D -- responds to a horrific year.