Okay, who do I hate now?

From a link on SI on Campus, I found this summary of "current SEC grudge status." From the prison work detail safety vest orange at the top, you can surmise that this is a UT blog. So take the opinions and commentary with a "Cracker Barrel is fine dining" grain of salt. I do give props for the faux SI Saban cover, though.

According to the post, here are the UGA grudges:

-Georgia hates Florida, Alabama, and Auburn. Always looking north and feeling penis envy towards their orange-clad big brother.

It's funny, every Dawg fan has their own particular "hate" list. Several folks I know loathe the North Avenue Trade School with every fiber of their being ("Clean Old Fashioned Hate"), and would rather spend a year in Siberia following a loss the Wreck than listen to the 74 English-speaking, football-supporting Tech grads crow for 365 days. Others, for obvious reasons (a decade plus of misadventures in Jacksonville, Tebow, Wuerffel, Darth Visor, the educational system that taught Emmit Smith elocution, Jorts!) despise the Gators. With so much antipathy to go around, how do you actually classify these grudges? Here's my take:

1. Tennessee: First and foremost, there's that color. It's like you fed a baby nothing but strained carrots for a two months, emptied the shit stained diaper and wiped it on a jersey. The mind-numbing repetition and idiocy of "Rocky Top." Phat Phil, a black hole of personality, intellect and strategy. The worst stadium facilities known to man. Did I mention the most horrific shade in the spectrum? Also, where I grew up was on the Georgia / Tennessee border (thankfully, on the good side) and all the media -- radio, TV, newspapers -- came from the bad side. So even though press in Chattanooga ostensibly served everyone in their signal range, including a sizable demographic from Georgia, it was all Vols, all the time. I fondly recall my mom writing a letter to the editor of the sports page complaining that the Dawgs obliteration of a highly ranked Gator team got pushed to page 6-E, while the orange clad douchebags win over some patsy like MTSU was splashed across the front page. Plus, their fans make the short bus look like a rolling caravan of Rhodes Scholars.
2. Florida: See reasons listed above. Even when the streak was lopsided in UGA's favor, I still hated the Gators. They wear orange, too. After coaching at Clempson (more orange! and "p" intentional) AND Florida, no wonder Charlie Pell tried to kill himself.
3. Georgia Tech: Even though they are no more than an annoying gnat to be swatted away, they are still technically an instate "rival." Plus, there's the aforementioned history, and a fan base that deludes themselves into thinking they are Citizen Kane when they are really more like Plan 9 From Outer Space.
4. Clempson (spelled phonetically, just like their "grads" say it): This I-85 rivalry isn't what it used to be, but good god, the orange. Not to mention the asshats that have patrolled their sidelines.
5. South Carolina: Let's keep our hate in the palmetto state. While I do loathe the poultry, I actually have a measure of respect for their fans and their passionate support of inarguable and abject mediocrity. (For more, see this old chesnut). Still, any place where Steve Spurrier and Lou Holth coached, Steve Taneyhill played and George Rogers lucked into a Heisman deserves some contempt.
6. Auburn: A fierce rivalry, to be sure. The deep south's oldest. Both squads have suffered soul-crushing losses to the other, often with the SEC in the balance. But there's that weird symmetry thing going on between the two schools. Vince went to Auburn. Pat Dye went to UGA. The numerous parallels between Herschel and Bo (without question, the two best RBs ever to lace 'em up in college football). The bizarre "visiting field advantage." And Auburn legend Shug Jordan actually founded the UGA chapter of my frat. They only feature orange as an accent.
7. LSU: I always respected them from afar, and never had too much of a beef with them. And how can you not love the tiger eye on the field? But some of my close friends have encountered the inbred belligerence of the fanbase up close and personal too many times to ignore, so I'll just call this hate by proxy.
8. Alabama: Growing up in the south, how could you not respect the history and tradition of the Tide and the man in houndstooth? A best friend went to law school there. You almost felt pity for them during Shula years. But now that they've added Nick Saban, 'Bama could be moving up this list with a bullet.
9. Arkansas: a latecomer to the SEC party, there's no history of animosity with the Hogs. In fact, the ramblings of Houston Nutt and his adventures with the Springdale boosters was quite amusing. But as noted with 'Bama, a new coach can make all the difference in the world. Put a set of headphones on the walking spineless excrement that is Bobby Petrino, and a desire for multiple 0-12 seasons greatly increases.
10. Kentucky: Now we're getting into the "don't really have a feeling at all" section of the list. They're good at basketball, right? Not so much this year? Okay.
11. MSU: Don't give them a thought, really.
12. Vandy: It was easy to score tickets there.
13. Ole Miss: Nice unis, and they have The Grove.