Aiiiight, here's the deal, bitches.

True Blood is returning soon, and I, for one, can't wait.

Now, would I call True Blood a great show? No, not at all. The writing is all over the place, some of the performances miss the mark, the metaphors are about as subtle as a frying pan to the face, and the tone is wildly inconsistent. But ya know what? The show is damned FUN. Southern Gothic trappings, deep fried 'til crispy. Enough sex appeal to satisfy every inclination under (or out of) the sun. Melodrama, cheese and over the top outrageousness played like it was opening night at the Royal Shakespeare Company manned by all the drunken understudies. And one of the best theme songs / opening credits in the business. Oh, and vampires. And werewolves. And shapeshifters. And faeries. And the brilliant, dim-bulb wisdom of Jason Stackhouse.

If you've forgotten what's been going on in Bon Temps, here's a little reminder, narrated by everyone's favorite flamboyant fry cook, Lafayette:

Summer TV Report Card

Thanks to cable, summer is no longer the desolate television wasteland, comprised of repeats, intelligence and dignity sapping reality shows and dumped pilots. (Network television, however, still continues this time honored taking out of the trash).

So how did summer viewing stack up, quality-wise? Let's take a look. Here are my grades for various summer season shows (some of which are still in progress):

Burn Notice: A-
Very solid season, filled with everything we like (how-to voiceovers, CGI-free action, colorful cover identities, lots of Sam Axe) and only a little of what we don't (meandering master plot and too many scenarios where the bad guys tidily take each other out). The only serious misstep was with the character (and casting) of Detective Paxson.

Royal Pains: C-
This freshman show seems to have caught on in the ratings and performed well even after losing the superior Burn Notice as a lead in. I stuck with it through to the finale, but I'm not sure that I'll keep it on the season pass list when it returns next summer. Other than Campbell Scott's mysterious Boris, all the characters are black holes of charisma or downright annoying (I'm looking at you, Evan). The nifty "solutions" to medical problems lack the brilliance of House and aren't as fun as similar improvisations on Burn Notice. And I don't give a damn about any of the relationships here.

In Plain Sight: B-
Credit where credit is due for successfully centering a show on a prickly, borderline unlikable character. Mary McCormack's Marshal Mary Shannon is competent and caustic, and her interplay with the show's best character, Fred Weller's bone-dry Marshal Marshall Mann, is the reason to keep coming back. The show also made some effort to adjust the supporting cast, making Stan more passionate and less buffoonish, and pushing Mary's aggravating family to the background. The creator and showrunner has left the series, so we'll see how things shake out next year.

Law & Order: Criminal Intent: B+
This warhorse keeps chugging along, offering "ripped from the headlines" crimes to be solved by two of TV's quirkiest and most watchable performers, Vincent D'Onfrio and Jeff Goldblum. The supporting cast is also sublime. I really like the work done by Eric Bogosian, Kathryn Erbe and Julianne Nicholson.

Saving Grace: D
On the surface, I should love this show. It features characters from "flyover country" that are taken seriously, blends procedural crime-solving with a dollop of the supernatural and has talented actors giving real and naturalistic performances across the board. There's no question that Holly Hunter's bravura scenery chewing is a thing to behold. Yet every single episode I watch feels like there are three or four scenes cut out that would help it hang together more coherently. And the overall arc shambles aimlessly along, confusing "divine mystery" with "exasperatingly nonsensical." A nice effort, but definitely far less than the sum of its parts.

The Closer: B
I've long stopped pulling my hair out over Kyra's dinner theatre Georgia accent (now that Saving Grace is shutting down, perhaps Holly Hunter can give her some dialect coaching?) and just enjoyed this show for what it is. It features a great supporting cast (any reason for more JK Simmons on my TV is a reason to cheer) and a bluesy score (the opening scenes / credits roll out sequences are among the best on TV). Though the "revelation in Brenda's personal life triggers an 'a-ha moment' about the case" device can be a little trite, the show just works.

Leverage: B
More fun than it ought to be, this lightweight summer diversion is eminently watchable, thanks mainly to the performances. Timothy Hutton grounds the team with his actorly chops, and the rest of the Leverage group orbits around him giving us everything from geektastic riffing (Aldis Hodge's Hardison) to inexplicably adorable face-scrunching (Beth Riesgraf's Parker). The con mechanics don't always hold up under close scrutiny, but this show is as refreshing as a lemonade on a summer day.

Weeds: D
I gave up on this show for a while, but came back this season to see what's going on and can't believe I made it through the entire thing (one more episode, the season finale, airs Monday). Mary Louise Parker is sexy as hell and gives her all to a role that just doesn't do anything for me. Nancy Botwin isn't particularly likable, competent, moral, funny or engaging. (In Plain Sight's central character is similar prickly, but is at least good at what she does). The side plots, whether they feature the kids, Doug and Dean or Celia, feel beamed in from another show and I can't believe anyone gives a shit about Esteban or his career. Really, the only redeeming features this season have been Justin Kirk's nimble gift for comedy and pathos, and Alanis Morrisette's surprisingly winning guest shot. A mess.

Nurse Jackie: B+
A meandering examination of an addicted ER Nurse and her personal and professional travails, this show won me over on the strength of the acting, particularly a ferocious and vanity-free performance from the incomparable Edie Falco and Merritt Wever's lovable, loopy Zoey. With the exception of Anna Deavere Smith's slapsticky administrator (I fault the character and writing more than the actress, who ably tries to work with the tone deaf material she's given) the whole ensemble turns in great work.

Entourage: D+
Another show, like Weeds, than appears on my TiVo more out of habit than any sort of passion. It was never blessed with sharp writing or performances (save early, pre-sushi Piven) in the first place, and it's only gotten shaggier in its later years. This year, the show's least compelling character, Eric, winds up with most of "dramatic" heavy lifting, and he's simply not up to the challenge (and what's with the annoying stick figure neighbor? Ye gods). It takes a special kind of ineptness to waste Gary Cole.

Hung: B
This one seems to be really hit or miss for a lot of folks. Not quite funny enough to be laugh out loud hysterical, yet not as sharply dramatic as something like Nurse Jackie can be, Hung is content to drift along on the charms of its cast and wacky premise. Your mileage may vary, depending on how much you enjoy Thomas Jane and Jane Adams. Personally, I think Jane is an underrated actor who filters some of his character's jockish obliviousness with a hangdog earnestness, and I've long had a crush on the delightful quirky and compelling Adams.

True Blood: A-
While this isn't a deep, thought-provoking meditation on the human condition (such as other HBO efforts like The Sopranos or Deadwood), there's hardly anything on TV now that offers this much outlandish, over the top fun. Though I could do without some of the characters (like Eggs), Michelle Forbes has been a gleefully demented big bad and the relationship between the shy, sweet Hoyt and the vampire virgin Jessica is funny, compelling and fascinating to watch. Almost all the eccentrics in Bon Tomps have something to do this season (welcome back, sassy Lafayette!), and the show has found a nice tone that effectively straddles gut-busting camp and operatic melodrama.

Virtuality: A-
Though this was a failed pilot aired as a burn-off TV movie, it's really a shame Virtuality didn't get more of a shot. It was well cast, well written and had an abundance of ideas to explore.

Being Human: B
What a delightful little surprise this BBCA import has been. It's the story of three flatmates (as they say across the pond) - a vampire, a werewolf and a ghost. Though I frequently watch with the closed-captioning on in order to catch some of the mumbled English slang, and some of the foundational "rules" about how these supernatural creatures operate aren't exactly clear, I admire the winning performances of the three lead actors and appreciate the fact that the plot isn't afraid to go to some very dark places.

Rescue Me: B+
This has been a very successful comeback for a show that seemed to be running out of gas during its last go round. Most all of the central characters have gotten a plotline to wrap their arms around, and you can never go wrong when you give the crew of the 62 Truck more scenes to hang around and shoot the shit about women, pop culture, politics or life in general. Sometimes, the focus on Tommy's magical love life can be wearying, but it helps when you have an actress as good as Callie Thorne to play balls-out crazy, or one as talented and sexy as Maura Tierney to play a mysterious new interloper. Few shows can vacillate between pathos and comedy as well as Rescue Me, and one of the things I've admired this season has been a concerted effort to feature longer, unbroken set pieces that mine the depths of both.

Eureka: B-
Though I'm a little pissed that Friday's episode was a glorified clip show masquerading as a new episode, Eureka does what it always does: provide an amiable, well-acted and engaging summer diversion that coasts effectively on its high concept trappings and likable cast. Jamie Ray Newman has added some life, too, as a flame-haired, lispy romantic foil for the comically gifted Colin Ferguson.

Warehouse 13: A-
This freshman series, a delightful melange of The X-Files and TNT's Librarian series, with a dash of Bones thrown in, charmed from the start, though it isn't without a few growing pains. It is winningly cast, with leads Eddie McClintock and Joanne Kelly as "Secret Service" agents tasked with procuring magical and sci-fi "artifacts" for the mysterious Warehouse, which is overseen by reliable veteran actor Saul Rubinek. Recently, Allison Scagliotti joined the cast as a young hacker genius to add some depth (and winsome attitude) to the team. McClintock and Kelly have chemistry to burn, and the whole concept is fun and breezy, and a great way to spend an hour. The artifacts themselves have been inconsistent in nature, ranging from historically clever to poorly conceived, and some of the episode wrap ups have been a wee bit trite. It's all but impossible for new shows to find their tone and footing right out of the box, but with the addition of more backstory and a recurring nemesis (Roger Rees), Warehouse 13 is quickly getting into an addictive groove.

Psych and Monk: (Incomplete)
We're too early into their summer runs to offer a complete evaluation for these returing USA favorites, but I will say that Monk seems to have stepped up a bit in its swan song from a lackluster prior season. The ratings show that Psych suffers some viewer drop off from its lead in, and I can't understand why, as this show continues to make me giggle with its endless pop culture riffs and the easy chemistry between leads James Roday and Dule Hill.

All in all, if, like me, you find reality drivel one of the horsemen of the apocalypse and needed some scripted viewing this summer it really was a pretty good time to be plopped on the couch in front of the tube.

I'll take potpourri for $3,800, Alex

With the (sniff) demise of Pushing Daisies, I09 wonders what genre shows you're watching. As of this morning's voting, the leaders were Heroes, Fringe and Sarah Connor.

Twilight hit the theatres this weekend, and there are vampire quizzes to be take. Here's one from Cinematical (I got 9), and here's one from USA Today (I got 7).

Did you know that "originally," Han Solo preferred his women with a hairy bush? I mean like a huge, 70s porn star kinda bush. If the setting is indeed "a long time ago," I think our favorite Corellian smuggler might have invented the "plushie" craze.

First BSG, then Burn Notice, and now Chuck. Tricia Helfer continues to pop up on my favorite shows.

Oh noes! My sugar daddy dumped me, so all that's left is fucking for money (oh wait, wasn't that what I was doing before?)

What's the area code in Columbus, GA?

This makes me resent my parents for not building me one of these.

Here's some footage from the remake of Cupid, this time starring Bobby Cannavale and Sarah Paulson. How are they going to compare to the Piv and Paula Marshall?

EDSBS amusingly looks at the flavors of disappointment, and here we are at a solid 5.

ScarJo's Allure photo shoot. Just because.

More about the Commander in Geek. It's appointment season now, so I'll also suggest Rupert Giles for Department of Hellmouth Defense.

More thinking on how to "free the GOP." Mike Huckabee is a fucking idiot. A dead nuts on column that's getting a lot of conservative praise and criticism in the blogosphere. A good blog and cartoon about the flat-earth crowd and their chilling effect on healthcare. Does Prop 8 violate the Constitution? I think so, personally. Money quote from the article:

The Framers of the American Constitution knew that throughout human history religious self-righteousness has caused intolerance, discrimination and injustice. They understood that religious self-righteousness is dangerous, divisive and destructive, and that it has led to untold ignorance and misery. It was for that reason that they embedded in our Constitution a fundamental commitment to the separation of church and state.

Damn, those old dudes were smart, no?

Okay, back to fun and frothy. Here's a great video interview with Big Ban Theory's Jim Parsons.

A TV critic stops worrying about Dollhouse's Friday night "death slot." Hopefully, lowered expectations and a pairing with the increasingly deep and engaging Sarah Connor will be a good thing.

New Lost promo! Fuck yeah! And Damon and Carlton speak.

Interview with Fringe's Walter, John Noble. If Fringe ever gets canceled (and let's hope it doesn't), I could see a spin-off sitcom with Walter and his son just driving around the country, getting involved in wacky situations. Maybe they could move in next door to Sheldon and Leonard, and hijinx ensue.

Are these the 40 best TV Theme Songs? Of those on the list, I particularly like:

The Rockford Files
WKRP in Cincinnati
Love Boat
Sopranos
Dukes of Hazzard
The X-Files
Brady Bunch
Greatest American Hero
Welcome Back Kotter
Barney Miller
Rawhide
Bonanza
Beverly Hillbillies
Addams Family
Star Trek TNG
Mission Impossible
Hawaii Five-O
Jeffersons
Peter Gunn
Sanford and Son

But how can you possibly leave off Green Acres? Or SWAT? Or Magnum PI? Or, of course, any of the Whedon shows (Angel, Buffy and Firefly)?

And why the hell can't you find a compilation of TV theme songs, performed by the original artists, on iTunes? I'd buy that in a second.

Here's their look at the 12 best current theme songs. (I like my list, linked below, better, though there is some overlap. Mine was focused more on the entirety of the opening credits, vs. just the pure theme song, though I do like King of the Hill and Chuck. And at the time I put my list together, I hadn't yet seen the masterpiece that is the True Blood opening, which not only sets the mood visually, but features a damned good stand-alone song that also ties thematically to the show. 100% pure awesome:



And here you can find some of my musings on TV Theme songs, including "The Canon" look at Best Modern Credit Sequences, complete with video.

I'll take potpourri for $3,100, Alex

Everyone else enjoying How I Met Your Mother this year? I know I am. And it makes a nice pairing with the increasingly funny and endearing Big Bang Theory. Here's a fun interview at TWOP with HIMYM creator Craig Thomas. As if you need other reasons to like him and the show, he's a huge fan of Veronica Mars, Buffy and Angel. (great taste, that one). And he hated Connor. (Though Season 5 Connor, along with the weaselly Pete Campbell on Mad Men, have made me almost forget the whole Season 4 thing).

A while back, I blogged about "go to bed shows." Meaning, shows that I let rack up on the bedroom TiVo and watch when I go to sleep. They typically aren't that serialized and are usually procedurals. For a while, I would watch shows like Numb3rs, Crossing Jordan or CSI:Miami (before that got too inhumanly stupid and hammy to even tolerate for a laugh). Lately, I've added NCIS to the rotation, which is an entertaining procedural, and sampled Supernatural, which my TiVo helpfully suggested for me. In fact, I think I may move Supernatural to the main TiVo it's so good. I don't know why I never got into this program when it first aired (on the CW? On at the same time as other shows?) but it's really damned good. It features lots of folks behind the scenes that were associated with The X-Files, and has a laugh out loud sense of humor in addition to a compelling mythology and solid scares.

The 10 Worst spinoffs ever. (I actually liked The Lone Gunmen, though).

There WILL be a Wonderfalls crossover with Pushing Daisies this year. Awesome.

Several online writers have seen some of Watchmen. Sounds mind-blowing.

10th anniversary DVD for SportsNight. An underrated gem.

The censored Chuck Lorre vanity card from Monday's Big Bang Theory. Censors are morons.

New "blood" (including Admiral Cain and Zack from Gilmores!) on True Blood, which is getting better every week. The dimwitted brother makes me laugh in spite of myself, and I actually liked Tara last week, so it must be doing something right.

Interesting directorial rumors. Will Thor take on a Shakespearean quality?

Deadspin ladies discuss the Idaho cheerleading outfit controversy. One of the gals offers this insight about the cheerleaders and coeds of the SEC, which has long been a mystery:

That said, I have spent many football-watching afternoons deconstructing the hotness of SEC cheerleaders. (Consensus seems to hold that 'Bama and Ole Miss have the prettiest girls on the sidelines. We can never figure out why Georgia doesn't, when Athens is full of the most gorgeous coeds you've ever seen).

Whiniest coaches in the NCAA. Lots of SEC coaches in there.

Thought-provoking stats comparing the Jorts Jesus and Stafford.

What does college football have to do with scarecrows? Check this out. UGA appears to be playing another team, who all wear the number 0. Funny.

Video of halftime interviews gone wrong. Anyone else think that last one with Joe Kines sounds like Boomhauer?

Bill Maher and chatty serpents. And why again, don't cults pay taxes?

Michael Muhney, who was the caustic Sheriff Lamb on Veronica Mars, seems like an awesome, and gracious, dude. Here he talks about not getting cast as Seely Booth's brother on Bones, nor as Paul Ballard on Dollhouse (with lots of nice things, of course, to say about Joss and the guy that got the role, Tahmoh Penikett. Speaking of which, if you're a Helo fan, check out this interview with Tahmoh conducted by the folks at Galactica Quorum at DragonCon. Another down to earth, appreciative and insightful dude).

If I was a cop, I'd give this guy a pass for driving erratically, simply for having good taste.

I'll take potpourri for $2,000, Alex

NY Times columnist loves Buffy.

An alien from another planet crash lands on earth during the 6th century, unleashes a monster, and works with the local vikings to kill it. Sound like fun?

Early report on True Blood, which will definitely earn a Season Pass on the TiVo.

TV Critics "Best & Worst" shows (that aired after Jan 08, so Mad Men won't be on it). Lost is at the top, which is nice. Also of note: 30 Rock and The Office at 3 & 4; House at 6; BSG at 7; In Treatment at 10; Big Bang Theory at 14; Torchwood at 16. At the bottom? Lots of reality, which is no shock.

I need to date a former GAP employee.

This title of this list seems redundant.

Silence! Dr. Smith insults the robot.

A Hearts of Darkness style "documentary" about the making of Tropic Thunder. Funny stuff.

Who are the best bands from each state? I'm glad that my favorite band, from "my" state, was rightfully recognized.

Hey, moron-in-charge -- if you're going to use a quote from one of the founding fathers, use the entire fucking quote. But I guess the line about "monkish ignorance and superstition" -- what we chose to escape and go to war over, along with unnecessary taxation -- conflicts too much with your dimwitted idea of a theocracy.

What colleges produce the most NFL starters? On offense, the SEC leads with 63. On defense, the SEC leads with 74. Within the hallowed SEC, the safety-vest wearing cousin-humpers lead the way with 20, followed by the world's best university with 19.

Also, the most hated CF programs of the last 25 years. Hard to argue with #1 and #2, but as always, I'd put their #10 as my #1. Fuckers.

Makes sense. Maybe that's why I'm so happy, bubbly and effervescent.

Holy Al Gore! The polar bears are safe! (unless Sawyer shoots them).

I'll take potpourri for $1,200, Alex

In praise of BSG, and not just from the usual geek quarters.

Happy Mother's Day, from the island!

Why isn't there a good collection of TV theme songs, by the original "artists," on iTunes? Or if there is, why haven't I found it yet? I've been known to break my "no karaoke, no singing" rule when it comes to TV show theme songs. I mean, do you really need to be on key to belt out the theme to Green Acres? I recall back in the salad days of college, a "TV's Greatest Hits" album was always fun to whip out after the surroundings got a little beer drenched and smoky. I remember that there was some surfing down a flight of stairs on a cardboard box listening to "Hawaii 5-0."

How frakking cool is Brad Paisley?

Fuck you Sanford Stadium. Making do in a long meeting or on a flight is one thing. (I usually don't knock back a huge flask of whiskey discussing the intricacies of channel marketing or waiting for my plane to crash). But no "pass outs" or even a designated area? Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. On the upside, my season ticket mates get to hear about 30 minutes more of my insightful commentary. On the downside, if things start to go south in a game, we could be dealing with CSI: Athens.

Kimmel talks to "Darlton" about Lost.

Barney Stinson chats about his new Joss Whedon web musical.

This should be required viewing in Columbus.

15 years later, reflections on an underrated classic. "You're so cool," indeed.

Goodbye, Disco Kroger. (Atlantans will know what I'm talking about).

Of course it should. But it won't. (And as usual, I recommend Hitch).

How John Mayer writes a song.

Jimmie James and Rogue in a southern gothic vampire show from the Six Feet Under creator? Oh yeah, I'm there.

This might make me go to Subway more often.

More toy nostalgia from my youth. Yep, I had every single thing you see in that commercial. (But I didn't bust a rhyme on my moon playset).

Speaking of nostalgia, here are 10 memorable ads from the 70s. Who doesn't remember these?

Who is the best character on TV? (Starbuck won last year's tourney). Now we're in the Sweet Sixteen. I'd vote for Dexter Morgan, Number Six, Barney Stinson or probably Benjamin Linus.