One or Two?

I just read this rant on Slate, and my head almost exploded.

You see, it's about the old "one space or two at the end of a sentence" debate. The author doesn't feel it's much of a debate, really, and that the "rule" was established long ago by typography professionals (in favor of one space).

I thought about this for a good while. Being my age, and having learned to type on a typewriter before the dawning of the age of computers, I was taught and always practiced the "two space" method. When PCs and Macs became part of the fabric of everyday life, I still continued the way I was originally taught, with the two spaces. However, I recall getting in a debate with some of my compatriots at the ad agency where I worked, and we researched this thoroughly. Even though this was pre-google, and you couldn't find over THIRTEEN MILLION RESULTS on the topic, we did reach a consensus (for many of the reasons outlined in the Slate article) that we should all be putting only one space after a period. That became our standard, and I'm fairly sure I retrained myself to comply for all my typing.

However, as I was reading the article, I started to wonder if I was a one space person, or a two space person. I honestly couldn't remember. I opened up Word, and started to type random sentences. I put one space at the end of a sentence. It felt wrong. I put two spaces at the end of a sentence. That felt wrong. Well, fuck, I know it's not three. I kept typing, and just couldn't determine what was normal for me, and my brain scrambled.

That reminds me of a trick we used to play when I played a lot of golf. Somewhere, mid-round when there was a bet on the line, you would casually ask your competitor if he exhaled or inhaled during his backswing. 99% of golfers never actively think about this, but once the thought is in your head, it eats you alive like a starving piranha at an aquatic Golden Corral. Golf is so delicate and mental anyway, it's usually good for 2 or 3 strokes in your favor.

I think part of my issue trying to figure it out is that I KNOW I do the double-space on my BlackBerry. Double-space there, and it automatically puts a period in to end the sentence and capitalizes the next letter you type to start the next sentence. However, it really only inserts ONE space; the two gestures tell the system what to do with the punctuation and capitalization. Once I figured this out, and started typing this blog post, it dawned on me that with "real" keyboards, I've adapted to the modern world and become a "one space after period" person.

Still, it was frightening to spend ten minutes typing endlessly away not having any idea of what the holy hell to do when I reached the end of the sentence.

What about you? One space, or two?

Hey there. Long time no blog.

Well, hello there blogverse. It's been a while. I would love to say that I've been an absentee landlord of these here parts because I've been on a fulfilling spiritual quest; seduced by a winsome nerd girl; or plotting how to spend my recent Mega Millions win (first on the agenda: "endow" a salary for a UGA special teams coach. Second? Fund a full season of a Whedon TV show and tell Nielsen families to go fuck themselves). However, that simply isn't the case. I made a long trek back to the motherland to see some friends and football, and have really just been suffering from a debilitating ennui.

So, I hope to get back to regularly blogging about television, pop culture, life and sports, but we'll just have to see how it goes, okay? In the meantime, here are a few random observations I made during my time away:

When you go through security at a college football stadium with a flask, never deviate from what's been successful. For example, if in two decades you've never been snagged by the popo with the brown elixir of life hidden in your waistband against the small of your back, then don't suddenly decide to just leave it in your back pocket on the day of the biggest home game of the season. (Related: watching a game at your local pub with other rabid fans gives you the opportunity to see endless replays of the incompetence of SEC refs over and over).

Good friends are worth their weight in gold.

The digestive system of a cat seems inextricably tied to its need for attention.

Cruel and unusual punishment for a southerner? Living in a state without a Krystal, Zaxby's or Waffle House.

You can never have enough half and half. Also, when you drink a LOT of java, it helps to have an easy to use coffee maker. At home, I use a combination of the Grind n Brew (which is not so user friendly, especially for that second pot of the morning, yet makes rich, wonderful coffee) and the Keurig single cup (which is about as easy as you can get). However, I came to appreciate the simplicity and charms of the BrewStation.

Starting a 12 hour drive at 6 in the morning, in the pouring rain, with an engine warming light and a quirky transmission? Not so fun. Having the light go away and everything return to normal after the first pee break? Better.

There's something thoroughly "Aughts" (at the end of the decade, have we finally decide that this is the preferred nomenclature?) about three people sitting in the same room watching TiVod shows, all with their own laptops and BlackBerries in front of them. (I recall the same "type" of thing growing up, except that the shows were live, necessitating group bathroom or popcorn breaks with everyone doing a mad scramble during the commercials, and instead of laptops, it was comic books, cross word puzzles and the National Enquirer).

Big decisions are looming.

I don't know how I made road trips before the advent of XM radio, iPods, podcasts and audiobooks.

Speaking of road trips, if I had kids (and thank Zeus I don't), I would never complain about them wanting to make frequent stops. I think on the way home from Georgia, I pulled over for coffee, gas and/or bathroom breaks 11 times.

You don't really appreciate how fucking awesome HD is until you watch it for a month, then return to a life of SD. I miss you, razor sharp blades of football field grass and bad actor complexions.

After careful consideration and much experimentation, I think I've finally come to the conclusion that the DirecTV DVR is an almost worthy alternative to the TiVo. (Gasp!)

Easy way to lose weight: don't fucking eat.

Small children don't seem to appreciate my ability to sculpt Mickey Mouse out of Play Doh.

Two words I would love to never hear again: "Favre" and "Tebow."

I have a sleeping disorder (complete with tubes and machines!), yet I can't doze off without the television on. However, the TV sleep timer is an invaluable aid to getting full REM sleep. Average wake up time with a sleep timer utilized? 6 - 6:30. Without? 7:30 - 8.

The Braves at least made it interesting for a while there, didn't they? A touch more hitting next year (and a bit less manager-directed work for the 'pen), and this club is a contender.

Lots of people are awfully nice, but I'm still afraid of most of them.

It doesn't matter where they are located, treadmills are still the most boring thing ever.

If Tony Romo keeps playing this way for my fantasy team, I think I'll wind up hating him more than TO and Jessica Simpson combined.

I don't care how many debates we have about it, the best way back from Sanford Stadium to the tailgate spot is via the Legion/Creswell route, and not the straight up Baxter Bataan Death March.

How do Lou Holtz and Mark May stay employed?

I've never purchased anything from E-Bay before. After the Great Freebird Satellite Debacle, I'm certainly less inclined to do so. (But for the viewing audience, all's well that ends well, I guess).

The Thursday television schedule is still a brutal trainwreck of epic proportions. I can't ever recall, in my decades of TV watching, that many interesting shows all stacked up at the same time.

Most effective method for getting "cat food dye" out of light colored carpet? A homemade concoction of vinegar, baking soda, hydrogen peroxide and Oxy-Clean. Better solution? "Natural" cat food, without coloring or dye. (Hell, "brown" is more appetizing to me than "orange and yellow" too).

I would be (more) suicidal with life as a professional gambler. First week tailgate pick 'em pool? Winner, winner, chicken dinner. Next week? 0 for motherfucking 10. I don't think that's been done in the pool before, and you need a special kind of ineptitude to put up that "score."

Did I mention good friends are worth their weight in gold? Cuz they are.

More later, y'all.

Did Bill Gates buy ESPN?

I watch and listen to a lot of ESPN "products." I'll have on SportsCenter or ESPNnews in the background at home, or listen to streaming ESPN radio over the interwebs at work occasionally. And I've noticed something the past couple of months that's driving me crazy. I keep hearing "Windows" noises. I'll be on the computer and suddenly think I've hit the wrong key or that something has happened with an application, when I realize that it's coming from ESPN. They've started featuring subtle "sound effects" that sound just like one of the many alerts, sounds or warnings that are also emitted by a Microsoft application. Has anyone else noticed this, or am I just losing my mind?