Where's Van Helsing when you need him?

Original Link: Blag Hag

I, for one, welcome our new alien overlords

Last night, ABC's much-discussed, much-anticipated reboot of the seminal miniseries V debuted. It was a definite hit with viewers, and received pretty well by critics. What did I think? Well, I'll give you a few quick impressions after this paragraph (WARNING: I'll be discussing SPOILERS).




The original V is one of those things that many of us of a certain age regard with great fondness from our childhood. Back in the day, the miniseries was king. Every one was a ratings grabbing event, filled with a star studded cast, and usually built on a popular piece of literature (think Roots, Holocaust, Winds of War, Shogun, The Thorn Birds and everything else keeping Richard Chamberlain employed throughout the 70s and 80s). Then there was V. I watched, and enjoyed, all the more highbrow miniseries with my parents, but the networks really weren't programming them for me (at the time of V's original airing, I was a few months away from entering the lucrative 18 - 49 demographic). But for a sci-fi obsessed teen, a miniseries about (supposedly) benevolent aliens arriving on earth was right in my wheelhouse. Yes, there were interesting and, for the time, relevant messages about conservation, the energy crisis and a sometimes too on the nose parable about the rise of fascism, but it had hot chicks, space ships, lasers and lizard people who ate live rodents and bred with humans to make hybrid alien babies! Awesome!

In the genre business, the reboots have been coming fast and furious recently, and have met with mixed success. For every Star Trek and Battlestar Galactica, there's also a Bionic Woman and Flash Gordon. So while I was anticipating V, I was also withholding judgment, based on the scattershot record of Hollywood "honoring" or "raping" our childhoods. Plus, there were many stories about V being a troubled production, what with production shutdowns, showrunner turnover (they're now on number three) and script problems.

Well, after watching last night's pilot, I'm happy to say that I feel "unviolated," and that V does a great job creating something new and fun, all while hitting some of the beats that made the original story so enjoyable in the first place.

Here's what V got right:

• The cast. Not only did they assemble folks with a familiar genre background (Firefly, The 4400, Lost), they also cast very capable and very easy on the eyes performers who handle the material with the right mix of earnestness and playfulness. I love Elizabeth Mitchell, and she can do no wrong in my book. She's perfect as the harried mother and FBI agent trying to get to the bottom of the conspiracy. Joel Gretsch is great as a skeptical priest and Scott Wolf seems to be having fun as a slick and career-obsessed TV newsman. Best of all though, is Morena Baccarin as the leader of the Vs, Anna (a fitting successor to the breakout character of the original, Jane's Badler's scenery and rodent chewing Diana). Morena's "otherworldy" beauty has never been put to such a good use, and she just nails the part, with a disarming and off putting "sincerity," slightly too-perfect diction and a reptilian blinking pattern that unnerves as it captivates. The only hesitation I have with the cast thus far is the broody teenage son of Mitchell's agent, and the gorgeous but thus far wooden Laura Vandervoort is a Visitor recruiter.
• The effects. For a TV show, they were pretty damned good. On a television budget, it's a challenge to make spaceships look and feel "real" in a completely alien world, like on BSG, and integrating them into the current time Earth we know is even harder. But the massive alien motherships were well designed and looked wonderful combined with shots of "our" cities.
• The pace. Holy shit, did a lot happen. The avalanche of plot turns and developments came fast and furious. They arrive! They're welcomed! People are healed! There are sleeper cells of aliens that have been here much longer! Mitchell's partner is a lizard! There are "good" aliens on Earth! We got more in 42 minutes of V than I have in over a month of Flash Forward. And while the pace has me worried a bit about the future (see below), I understand why they did what they did. Like I reminisced above, I have a fond recollection of the original miniseries. So does much of the audience that might be tuning in. Plus, in the two plus decades since, we've had X-Files, Independence Day, Roswell, District 9 and any number of aliens on earth plots in pop culture. There would be no massive surprise to audiences that the aliens are coming to our planet, and might be reptiles who don't have our best interests at heart. So why string all that out, when we all know it and expect it? Let's lay out the scenario, hit the familiar plot points, and then get on with telling the story that the new show wants to tell.

Here's what V needs to work on:

• The pace. Yes, I just praised it. At the same time, if the show continues to burn through revelations and developments this quickly, A. they're not going to have much time for character development with this talented cast they've assembled, and B. they're going to blow the transmission on the storytelling engine in no time. Now, I'm not advocating a Lost season 3 (which, hit or miss, was still pretty damned good television based on all the goodwill and character arcs built up) which spins its wheels for while, but there's a difference between sitting down to a nice five course meal and being let loose stoned in a Sizzler.
• Familiar Ground. The "are they or aren't they" territory is pretty well trod, most recently with the Cylons on BSG. Anyone who didn't know Alan Tudyk was a lizard probably hasn't watched TV since My Favorite Martian, so the producers need to walk carefully here and play with (and subvert) our expectations and conversational knowledge of all the tropes.
• Cliche and Cheese. Sure, there's a certain amount to be expected in a show like V, and that's fine. But if I wasn't being so entertained, I could have filled out a pretty big "really?" list along the way. Mitchell finding her kid in a crowded city in about 2 minutes? The hammy opening references to JFK and 911? The too obvious and trite dialogue, including references to "universal healthcare" and "hope?" The mopey adolescent, straight out of central casting on the CW? The lame geek references to other sci-fi movies? V needs to watch itself and handle the dialogue more skillfully, like Whedon, Lindelof and others do with wit and a twinkle in the eye.
• Politics. Already, I've seen both right wing and left wing pundits latch on to the show and its supposed allegories and messaging. "Anna is an evil false prophet just like Obama!" "The government and people are getting duped just like the Bush years!" Oh, please. Remember, we're talking about evil alien lizards in big spaceships who probably have a McHamster franchise on their home planet. History is rife with stories of conquering hordes and valiant resistance fighters, so if the show is smart, it will play with politics on both sides of the aisle and have fun, all while keeping the stakes high for humanity.
  

So, V got off to a very solid start in my book and I'm looking forward to next week. Who's hungry for rodents? B+

Just how bad is it?

Georgia's demolition (again) at the hands of the Gators wasn't unexpected, given the recent history between the two programs. There may have been a glimmer of hope coming into the game, in that we had two entire weeks to prepare and Florida had looked less than stellar on offense for the last few games. However, if your O isn't clickin', UGA has just the prescription to fix what ails ya: a healthy does of "D," Free-Willie Style.

I'm going to take a look at some defensive history here, though that in no way excuses the rest of Saturday's debacle: The ridiculous "weak sauce" of the surprise XFL uniforms. The inability of our QB (a supposed "game manager" and studious 5th year senior) to not lock onto receivers, throw the ball away, or hit his target accurately. The rampant and continuing lack of discipline on both sides of the ball, resulting in yet another avalanche of debilitating penalties. The juvenile and minor league sideline celebrations. The bang your head against a granite countertop, inexplicable special teams coaching. The befuddling result of two weeks of coaching preparation that promptly put us down by two touchdowns in a matter of minutes. (Not that there weren't some bright spots amidst the Halloween horror. Butler and Walsh continue to perform at an All-American level. The running game actually looked solid. The offensive line coalesced somewhat. Bobo's playcalling didn't make me want to set myself on fire).

Once again in an important game, the defense of Willie Martinez was poorly schemed, woefully prepared and exhibited the sturdiness of Charmin in a rainstorm. Just how bad has it gotten? Let's take a stroll down memory lane, shall we?

Note: when we refer to "major rival" games, I'm including scores from (only) games against South Carolina, Clemson, Tennessee, Florida, Alabama, Auburn, LSU and Georgia Tech). All other statistics come from the season's full slate of opponents, including in and out of conference teams, bowl games, SECCGs and the smattering of home game cupcakes.

First up, let's take a look at the scoring statistics from some underperforming teams from the Goff era:

H/C	Goff	Goff	Goff
D/C	Bell	Bell	Bell
Yr	1989	1990	1993
Record	W6 L6	W4 L7	W5 L6
Avg Pts Allowed	16.5	27.5	26.3
Avg Pts Allowed in Loss	21.7	32.4	31.2
For Rival Games Only
Avg Pts Allowed per Game	20.8	29.8	29.2
Avg Pts Allowed in Loss	23.5	32.6	27.2

The D actually put up some decent numbers in Goff's first year, giving up only 16.5 points on average, 21.7 points in the six losses. Also, in all three years, the difference between the average performance of the D and the performance of the D in the "games that matter" wasn't that much - a delta of 2 - 4 points.

Now let's take a look at Goff's next two teams, when he changed D Coordinators twice:

H/C	Goff	Goff
D/C	Campbell	Kines
Yr	1994	1995
Record	W6 L4 T1	W6 L6
Avg Pts Allowed	25.7	23.4
Avg Pts Allowed in Loss	37.6	33.7
For Rival Games Only
Avg Pts Allowed per Game	27.1	29.6
Avg Pts Allowed in Loss	29.0	37.5

The points given up by the D remains, on average, in the mid-20s. However, you start to notice something: When we lose, we're giving up points by the bushel. Especially in the games that matter. (Compare the 37.6 ppg given up in a loss during the Swamp Fox's time on the sidelines to Goff's first year, when we only gave up 21.7 ppg. Also, in Goff's last season, we surrendered an average of 29.6 ppg against our rivals, and a whopping 37.5 ppg in losses to them).

That, among many other things, was enough to get Goff fired. So let's take a look at two Jim Donnan squads. His first and his last:

H/C	Donnan	Donnan
D/C	Kines	Gibbs
Yr	1996	2000
Record	W5 L6	W8 L4
Avg Pts Allowed	23.4	17.7
Avg Pts Allowed in Loss	27.5	27.8
For Rival Games Only
Avg Pts Allowed per Game	37.8	27.8
Avg Pts Allowed in Loss	43.3	27.8

Average ppg allowed from Goff's last year to Donnan's first was about the same, and we improved by almost a TD in our performance in a loss. But look how we performed against our primary rivals: Giving up just shy of 38 ppg and over 7 TDs per game in a loss against rivals. Yikes. The D improved (how could it help but?) by the end of the Donnan regime, giving up an average of 17.7 ppg, but look at those last three numbers from 2000. Do they seem similar? That's because they are all the exact same. We lost four times. We gave up 27.8 ppg in those four losses. And all four were against our primary rivals. And that was all she wrote for Coach Donnan.

So how does that career-killing performance compare to the Men of Martinez? Well, let's go to the numbers (note: full season for 2008, season to date 8 games for 2009)

H/C	Donnan	Richt	Richt
D/C	Gibbs	Willie	Willie
Yr	2000	2008	2009
Record	W8 L4	W10 L3	W4 L4
Avg Pts Allowed	17.7	24.5	29.4
Avg Pts Allowed in Loss	27.8	45.0	32.5
For Rival Games Only
Avg Pts Allowed per Game	27.8	35.8	35.8
Avg Pts Allowed in Loss	27.8	45.0	35.3

Almost any way you look at it, the D that got both Donnan and Gibbs shitcanned was appreciably better than what's been going on in Athens the last couple of years. This year's 29.4 ppg given up is the highest of ALL the years compared. Willie's 35.8 ppg in the games that matter (for two years running) is astonishingly high (more than five TDs per game!) and second only to the Donnan/Kines debacle from 1996.

Whew. That hurts my retinas just looking at it (and without an eye gouge courtesy of Brandon Spikes). How do all these porous units compare the "Glory Days?" Glad you asked. Here are the same categories of numbers from a few SEC Championship squads:

H/C	Dooley	Dooley	Richt
D/C	Erk	Lewis	BVG
Yr	1980	1981	2002
Record	W12 L0	W10 L2	W13 L1
Avg Pts Allowed	11.4	10.2	15.1
Avg Pts Allowed in Loss	0	13	20
For Rival Games Only
Avg Pts Allowed per Game	17.2	7.7	17.3
Avg Pts Allowed in Loss	0	13	20

THAT, my friends, is what good D looks like. Now, every year can't be a championship year, but there's a vast gulf between giving up 10 - 15 ppg on average, and almost 30. And there's a Big Damned Difference between holding your rivals to 17 points (or 7.7!) and the current Willie benchmark of over 35.

Now, is this a fair analysis? We all know the old saying about statistics. And there are a lot of variables to consider, too. Injuries. The changing nature of the game, and the more prolific offenses of recent years. The longer schedule and additional games. The varying quality of opponents on the schedule, and the up and down cycles of the conference and our primary rivals. But you can draw a few conclusions:

• We're currently performing on D at a level that historically, has gotten people fired.
• Even worse, in the games that matter most to the team, to the coaching staff, to the players, to recruiting, to championship aspirations, to the alumni base, to the monetary contributions, to the regional and national media and to the overall shine and health of the program....we're getting killed. And getting killed at an exponentially horrifying clip.
• Despite protestations of hard work and buckling down; and despite the glow of highly ranked recruiting classes from fertile ground, we're just not getting any better. In fact, we're getting worse. Much, much worse.
• Whatever magical juju it is that makes Dawgs into "Junkyard Dawgs," we haven't found it recently. And I'm not a coach (nor have I been in "The Arena"), but I don't think the answer lies in garish fashion statements or aggressiveness that results in penalties (penalties that extend opponent drives, shortchange our drives, and yet don't add any intimidation or productivity to the whole mess).

So how bad is it on D? And where's rock bottom? The numbers will bear that out, but the most important question is, what the hell are we gonna do about it?

Can't Hurt

So, what does one lone fan, many miles away from Jacksonville, do to create some positive juju for The World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party?

This morning, watched every available youtube video I could find with Dawg highlights of victory over the lizards.

Mixing up potent cocktails in a "Run, Lindsay, Run!" stadium cup.

Wearing the Dawg sweatshirt with the winningest record in the wardrobe.

Drank the morning java in a UGA mug.

Changed my twitter icon:

Listened to the "Best of Munson" iTunes mix this morning while assembling the potpourri post.

Tossed half a carton of OJ out this morning, even though it was within the expiration date, because you just can't have anyfuckingthing orange in the house today.

Switched to a new CrackBerry wallpaper:

Realistically and statistically, it appears we're going to get hammered. But it all can't hurt, right?

I'll take potpourri for $6,800, Alex

Don't forget to set your clocks back tomorrow. It's cheaper than building a DeLorean, and where the hell can you find a flux capacitor these days?

Best and Worst Dollhouse "imprints."

15 Celebrity Halloween suggestions.

7 Questions that keep physicists up at night.

Speaking of Dollhouse, here's a fun quiz. (And yes, I got 15 of 15 correct. And yes, I'm a geek).

Interesting recounting of 10 artists who hate their biggest hits.

Orci and Kurtzman (of Trek, Fringe and sadly, Transformers fame) are producing a new movie based on the legendary pulp character Doc Savage. I loved those novels as a kid, and think in the right hands, this could be awesome. Even better? Shane Black is writing the script.

TWOP Gallery of the biggest nerds/brains on television.

Aaaaah! Eye bleach. Celebrity cameltoes.

A great compilation: the definitive list of cliched dialogue. (See how many you recognize and chuckle all the way through. Aside: at a weekly trivial contest, we were asked for the "five words spoken most frequently in motion picture history." I'm not sure how this was determined, but the correct answer was #3 on this list).

A Q&A with Lost producer Damon Lindelof.

Also from Pop Candy, 5 things you should know about Caprica, the BSG spinoff starting soon.

The 20 Worst Sequels to Good Movies.

Timmy Tebow is up for a scholar athlete award. I'm assuming his studies don't include any history, science or other classes that might date the earth more than 6.000 years. Speaking of little perfect Timmy, someone at the Red & Black is probably going to be kidnapped and burned alive for heresy.

An awesome collection of badass Batman illustrations.

Great piece from HitFix about watching Dollhouse.

The WSJ talks to the gorgeous Morena Baccarin, about V (which starts next week! Set your TiVos!)

A lengthy, and fascinating, AICN chat with Lance Henrickson.

A nice graphic guide to twist endings.

Okay, they are actually making a $175 figurine based on one of the worst scenes from the awful Indiana Jones sequel? Really? What's next? Figurines based on the "coarse sand" sweet talking from the Star Wars prequels? Of Malin Ackerman reciting dialogue from Watchmen? A collectible depicting the entirety of Transformers 2? Nuke the fridge indeed.

By now, everyone has seen the stunning pix of January Jones in GQ. Huffington Post has some hard hitting journalism determining whether or not her tits were airbrushed.

Larry David feels just like I do about his BlackBerry. And kids.

Even if you're not a dog person, you'll still mist up watching this.

Brilliant but Canceled: Sci-fi and supernatural shows killed before their time.

Good list of the 10 Funniest X-Files episodes. (Their #1 is mine also, and still makes me laugh).

10 Best Rock Anthems.

Your How I Met Your Mother translator.

For old nerds: 10 Best (and 6 worst) TSR games that weren't Dungeons and Dragons. (Yep, I had 7 of the "best" and fortunately, none of the "worst").

That was nerdy. This? Well, judge for yourself. It's a dude covering Eminem songs. In Klingon.

To our friends across the pond....Sorry.

Sure there was that little matter of "taxation without representation." But recently, the English have given us Spaced, The Office, Shaun of the Dead, Doctor Who and Torchwood. And we send them the Tampa Bay Buccaneers? For shame. Even if you factor in the Beckhams and the remake of Coupling, that just doesn't seem fair. But the Brits weren't the only ones to watch some terrible pigskin.

This was just an awful weekend of football. My alma mater (mercifully) didn't play, the SEC games were close but uninspiring (and again marred by horrific officiating), the remaining college contests were lackluster, the NFL was full of (mostly) uninteresting blowouts and the Falcons got their ass kicked by the Cowpokes. And this was before my brilliant apartment groundskeeper tried to remove my satellite dish just prior to kickoff (fortunately, I noticed the signal go blank and was able to run down to the street as he was putting the fucking dish in his van). Plus, in my fantasy league, I have Eli Manning and Tony Romo as QBs, and the only way to ensure a statistically superlative performance by one is to pick the other to start for me.

Also, Monday Night Football looks like a terrible matchup, with Ron Mexico wandering one sideline, and on the other, a guy calling plays who only a couple of weeks ago was yelling out "B-31!" in a bingo parlor. And this on a night when House, Big Bang Theory and How I Met Your Mother take the evening off.

Sigh.

Can you abort a fake baby?

Or rather, can you abort a storyline about a fake baby? Because tonight is Glee night, friends, and the story about Terri Schuester's fake baby is a four ton anchor strapped to the wings of a candy coated Concorde trying to soar into the skies.

Glee is unlike anything on TV today. An over the top melodrama-musical-hourlong sitcom filled with wafer thin characters and plot holes bigger than Kanye's ego that succeeds in spite of all of this, because it's a big box of fun wrapped up in a sparkly joie de vivre paper and topped with a huge bow of wit, placed under the Nasty Tree for opening on Sarcasm Day. The characters are broadly sketched, yes, but so capably and endearingly performed (dramatically, comedically and musically) that Glee overcomes almost all of its foibles. And of course, the incomparable Jane Lynch as Sue Sylvester simply PWNS every scene she's in.

So what's the problem, you ask?

Well, it's the FAKE FUCKING BABY.

Look, I normally hate kids on my shows -- especially babies. I just don't have the patience for it. Have no interest in it. Don't care about the struggles and don't go "awwwww" every time a character gets all schmoopy about motherhood, fatherhood, or the miracle of life. But that's not it. No, it's the utter unbelievability of the FAKE FUCKING BABY as a storyline. (And this is from a show that features Mercedes not realizing Kurt is gay and falling in love with him. That features Emma deciding to marry the coach even though she's in love with Will. That features Terri getting hired (for a day) as a school nurse without any applicable background. That features a skeevy possible pedophile getting hired back into the school district. That features a lead character so dumb and naive that he thinks he impregnated his girlfriend via his sperm doing the backstroke in a hot tub). Every time the FAKE FUCKING BABY comes up, I shudder and reach to change the channel. It takes me right out of the giddy trance the rest of the show has put me in.

I mean, it's not like I can't accept some weird, otherworldy or preposterous situations on my favorite shows. For example, many of the programs on the top of my TiVo season pass showcase:

• People that are wiped clean mentally via computer and assume the personality and skills of ninjas, mothers, hookers, social workers, dead people and assassins.
• An island that travels in time and disappears, and has a smoke monster and polar bears on it.
• Police departments and government organizations that week after week allow fake psychics, OCD detectives, pulp thriller authors, facial lie detection experts, twitchy mad scientists, mathematicians and convicted criminals to help them solve crimes.
• Pill popping, snarky doctors that offend everyone around them and consistently violate the laws of man, decorum and the land to treat patients and stay gainfully employed.
• A serial killer, who works for the police force and moonlights as a married father of three, all while butchering only other really bad people.
• A world where everyone blacked out for a couple of minutes and had a vision of the future, and all the related issues are trying to be solved by a couple of folks and a website.
• Two brothers, destined to be the meat puppet vessels of the angel Michael and Satan himself, who drive around the countryside killing demons and helping people with their supernatural problems while trying to avert the coming apocalypse.
• A kickass government agent and high efficiency killing machine who regularly stays up for 24 hours straight, without eating, taking a shit or having his cell phone battery go dead.

You get the picture. My suspension of disbelief goes a LOOOOOOOOOOOOONG way.

But the FAKE FUCKING BABY? No.

Even though they worked in a half-assed plot thread last week about "staging" an ultrasound, how in the blue hell is this thing supposed to work?

First, you're telling me that Will, no matter how many late nights he spends trying to find another song for the Glee Club to perform or sharing hand sanitizer with the moon-eyed Emma, doesn't ever see his wife without her shirt on? Never catches her in the shower? Never sees her changing clothes? Doesn't snuggle up to her at night? And from TV (and thankfully, no personal experience), I've learned that dads want to actually touch the gestating bundle of expense, mess and noise growing in their partner's belly. None of this has happened? Really?

And second, I know Terri is written as being a bit dim and desperate, but what the hell is her final plan? Quinn goes into labor at the exact same time that Terri does? And they are in the same hospital? And Will isn't allowed in the delivery room? And no one else is either, except for the doctor she's bought off/blackmailed into helping her? And as soon as Quinn squirts out her little bundle of joy (also in a delivery room with no one else present), someone (maybe Terri's sister) swaddles it up, takes it away, and places it inches from Terri's vagina and declares "oh lookee what I found!?" And Terri tosses her fake belly in the delivery room trash can? And Quinn and her family and everyone else just assumes the magically disappearing baby ran straight from her uterus to a worthy adopting family, with zero post-birth medical care nor any official records? And the hospital staff doesn't catch on to this? And no one else notices this? Not even when the baby turns out to be sporting a mohawk?

Really, Glee? REALLY?

Where the hell can we go from here? Personally, I think Jessalyn Gilsig is a fine actress, and doing absolutely all she can with the worst major series plotline since a "sketch comedy show" spent untold eye-rolling hours dealing with a hostage crisis and a soldier STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF AFGHANISTAN! Obviously, Terri's lies need to unravel, and unravel quickly for the show to have any shred of believability, even in a gleefully heightened reality like the one on the show.

So how do you feel about the FAKE FUCKING BABY, TNRLMers? (choose as many answers as applicable, and sound off in the comments if you like)

Tuesday is leftover pizza

Tuesday night is really the worst night of television of the entire week. Looking back at my fall season preview for Tuesday, I only listed four programs capable of making their way onto my TiVo. (For comparison, Thursday has TEN!) One of them (V) won't start for a while, one already concluded its delightful and promising summer run (Warehouse 13), and one is a passably entertaining procedural (NCIS) that I watch as I go to sleep (though it does continue to build as a ratings powerhouse, frequently ranking #1 in total viewers). Only the dark, engaging, challenging and well-crafted biker drama Sons of Anarchy stands out at all.

Obviously, it would be nice if the networks moved some of the shows from elsewhere on the schedule into the Tuesday void, but A. they're probably afraid of the NCIS juggernaut, and B. Tuesday isn't, as a whole, a well viewed night for advertising (again, compared to Thursday, which gets a lot of advertiser support, particularly for clients looking to motivate weekend purchases).

However, there are a few things that brighten up the night.

First, there are the TiVo carryovers that I haven't gotten around to watching yet, like last night's Castle, which just got an order for a full season. Huzzah! (Mondays are usually pretty busy, with Big Bang, HIMYM, House, Lie to Me and Monday Night Football).

Second, we have two outstanding documentaries going on. On IFC, there's the insightful and laugh out loud six part doc on Monty Python (which is entering its third episode tonight, and is really very good thus far). On ESPN, there's the third episode of their 30 for 30 series, which is surprisingly (and thankfully) free of the usual grating ESPN bombast and self-promotion, instead giving the creators total control of their hour. Tonight is a look at the USFL, which should be fun.

I guess it helps to have a "catch up" night, but man do I wish some of the scripted favorites would relocate.

I'll take potpourri for $6,700, Alex

I might have Jedi Swine Flu, since my midichlorian count is low.

Well, it's been a while since we did a roundup of fun stuff from around the interwebs. Here we go:

Total Sci-Fi Online lists the 100 Best Sci-Fi Movies of All Time.

Total Film has the recipe to make a Hitchcock movie.

7 Greatest Butlers in nerd-dom.

I don't necessarily agree with the list, but Den of Geek! has an interesting take on the 10 Best episodes of Angel.

9 Great movie monologues.

A great NY Times contributor op-ed about the NIH appointment. (and a more thorough follow up).

AMC lists the Top 10 Close Encounters of the Scintillating Kind.

Empire lists 10 Rules for Time Travel.

God, does this bring back memories. 10 Horrible Paintings from Atari 2600 Game Boxes. I think I had most of those (except soccer. It's lame even in a video game).

I think we all know my stance on this, but maybe prayer does work.

40 Best College Football Villains.

50 Greatest Movie Sequels. (Really?)

The A to Z of Quentin Tarantino.

Speaking of A to Z, this is just AWESOME.

For TV Nerds: The 100 Most Iconic TV Openings.

Sam Beckett's 10 strangest Leaps.

The best sci-fi show you've never seen. (Man, this was good. I was sad when it didn't make it to series)

20 Best Monty Python sketches, with video! Speaking of which, is everyone else setting their TiVos for the 6 hour Python documentary on IFC next week? If you're not, you should, dammit.

9 movies that always make guys cry. Yep.

Hey, someone actually raises a question about the Tebow cult. How refreshing. Related: what athletes are going to burn in hell?

Top 10 Scandals in College Sports (proud my alma mater -- of the "how many points is a three point shot worth?" fame -- shows up here. Thanks, Harrick!)

Empire's 100 Sexiest Movie Stars (50 guys, 40 gals. And Grace Kelly, my eternal #1, is only #40 on the list? For shame, voters).

Well worth 6 minutes of your time

I linked to this in one of my previous "potpourri" roundups this summer, but it deserves a revisiting. The fine and witty folks over at Pajiba compiled a great list of the "Other 100 Best Movie Quotes of All Time." (compared to the classic, if a bit expected, lists usually assembled by AFI or some other organization).

The list itself is a good one, and includes many I reference on an almost daily basis. Well, their video editor went a step above and beyond, and compiled them all in video form. Enjoy:

The Willie Martinez Employment Act (Part 3)

Since it's quite apparent we've reached a point in his University of Georgia coaching tenure where Defensive Coordinator Willie Martinez can no longer adequately perform the duties he has been given, we here at TNRLM thought we would offer some suggestions on future employment opportunities where his unique "skills" might be put to better use.

Job Opportunity:
Toll Booth Manager

Why Willie is a Good Fit:
Quite used to deploying his charges, only to have wave after wave of north-south travelers with someplace to go run through his strategic bulwark, which offers only minor inconvenience.

 Of course, from 2001 - 2004 this was the more likely result.

The Willie Martinez Employment Act (Part 2)

Since it's quite apparent we've reached a point in his University of Georgia coaching tenure where Defensive Coordinator Willie Martinez can no longer adequately perform the duties he has been given, we here at TNRLM thought we would offer some suggestions on future employment opportunities where his unique "skills" might be put to better use.


Job Opportunity:
Major League Baseball Bench Coach

Why Willie is a Good Fit:
Often, the responsibilities of the Bench Coach include positioning the defensive players so that a catch can easily be made, free of distractions.

As we've seen several times this year, Coach Willie does an excellent job of putting the defensive players in a position so that a catch can be made without impediment.

(Unfortunately for UGA fans, said catches are made by the opposing team, but this knack for allowing hassle-free catches should translate well to baseball. After all, in both baseball and UGA's defensive outings, it appears only one team is allowed to be around the ball as it descends into awaiting hands).

The Willie Martinez Employment Act (Part 1)

Since it's quite apparent we've reached a point in his University of Georgia coaching tenure where Defensive Coordinator Willie Martinez can no longer adequately perform the duties he has been given, we here at TNRLM thought we would offer some suggestions on future employment opportunities where his unique "skills" might be put to better use.

Job Opportunity:
Bullfighter

Why Willie is a Good Fit:
Bullfighters wave something red, only to have "opponent" run through it, momentum frequently undeterred.

Failure to competently perform even the "Ole!" can often leave the bullfighter in less than healthy condition.

Hey there. Long time no blog.

Well, hello there blogverse. It's been a while. I would love to say that I've been an absentee landlord of these here parts because I've been on a fulfilling spiritual quest; seduced by a winsome nerd girl; or plotting how to spend my recent Mega Millions win (first on the agenda: "endow" a salary for a UGA special teams coach. Second? Fund a full season of a Whedon TV show and tell Nielsen families to go fuck themselves). However, that simply isn't the case. I made a long trek back to the motherland to see some friends and football, and have really just been suffering from a debilitating ennui.

So, I hope to get back to regularly blogging about television, pop culture, life and sports, but we'll just have to see how it goes, okay? In the meantime, here are a few random observations I made during my time away:

When you go through security at a college football stadium with a flask, never deviate from what's been successful. For example, if in two decades you've never been snagged by the popo with the brown elixir of life hidden in your waistband against the small of your back, then don't suddenly decide to just leave it in your back pocket on the day of the biggest home game of the season. (Related: watching a game at your local pub with other rabid fans gives you the opportunity to see endless replays of the incompetence of SEC refs over and over).

Good friends are worth their weight in gold.

The digestive system of a cat seems inextricably tied to its need for attention.

Cruel and unusual punishment for a southerner? Living in a state without a Krystal, Zaxby's or Waffle House.

You can never have enough half and half. Also, when you drink a LOT of java, it helps to have an easy to use coffee maker. At home, I use a combination of the Grind n Brew (which is not so user friendly, especially for that second pot of the morning, yet makes rich, wonderful coffee) and the Keurig single cup (which is about as easy as you can get). However, I came to appreciate the simplicity and charms of the BrewStation.

Starting a 12 hour drive at 6 in the morning, in the pouring rain, with an engine warming light and a quirky transmission? Not so fun. Having the light go away and everything return to normal after the first pee break? Better.

There's something thoroughly "Aughts" (at the end of the decade, have we finally decide that this is the preferred nomenclature?) about three people sitting in the same room watching TiVod shows, all with their own laptops and BlackBerries in front of them. (I recall the same "type" of thing growing up, except that the shows were live, necessitating group bathroom or popcorn breaks with everyone doing a mad scramble during the commercials, and instead of laptops, it was comic books, cross word puzzles and the National Enquirer).

Big decisions are looming.

I don't know how I made road trips before the advent of XM radio, iPods, podcasts and audiobooks.

Speaking of road trips, if I had kids (and thank Zeus I don't), I would never complain about them wanting to make frequent stops. I think on the way home from Georgia, I pulled over for coffee, gas and/or bathroom breaks 11 times.

You don't really appreciate how fucking awesome HD is until you watch it for a month, then return to a life of SD. I miss you, razor sharp blades of football field grass and bad actor complexions.

After careful consideration and much experimentation, I think I've finally come to the conclusion that the DirecTV DVR is an almost worthy alternative to the TiVo. (Gasp!)

Easy way to lose weight: don't fucking eat.

Small children don't seem to appreciate my ability to sculpt Mickey Mouse out of Play Doh.

Two words I would love to never hear again: "Favre" and "Tebow."

I have a sleeping disorder (complete with tubes and machines!), yet I can't doze off without the television on. However, the TV sleep timer is an invaluable aid to getting full REM sleep. Average wake up time with a sleep timer utilized? 6 - 6:30. Without? 7:30 - 8.

The Braves at least made it interesting for a while there, didn't they? A touch more hitting next year (and a bit less manager-directed work for the 'pen), and this club is a contender.

Lots of people are awfully nice, but I'm still afraid of most of them.

It doesn't matter where they are located, treadmills are still the most boring thing ever.

If Tony Romo keeps playing this way for my fantasy team, I think I'll wind up hating him more than TO and Jessica Simpson combined.

I don't care how many debates we have about it, the best way back from Sanford Stadium to the tailgate spot is via the Legion/Creswell route, and not the straight up Baxter Bataan Death March.

How do Lou Holtz and Mark May stay employed?

I've never purchased anything from E-Bay before. After the Great Freebird Satellite Debacle, I'm certainly less inclined to do so. (But for the viewing audience, all's well that ends well, I guess).

The Thursday television schedule is still a brutal trainwreck of epic proportions. I can't ever recall, in my decades of TV watching, that many interesting shows all stacked up at the same time.

Most effective method for getting "cat food dye" out of light colored carpet? A homemade concoction of vinegar, baking soda, hydrogen peroxide and Oxy-Clean. Better solution? "Natural" cat food, without coloring or dye. (Hell, "brown" is more appetizing to me than "orange and yellow" too).

I would be (more) suicidal with life as a professional gambler. First week tailgate pick 'em pool? Winner, winner, chicken dinner. Next week? 0 for motherfucking 10. I don't think that's been done in the pool before, and you need a special kind of ineptitude to put up that "score."

Did I mention good friends are worth their weight in gold? Cuz they are.

More later, y'all.

What To Watch: Fridays

Previously, on TNRLM's What To Watch: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.

Remember when Friday used to be a television graveyard? Well, times are a changin' (at least for those of us old, nerdy and socially averse to spend a Friday night on a couch. Or who, er, have a TiVo). Long the place used to dump unwanted programs or fill with cheap reality drivel, more nets are actually programming Friday with honest to goodness scripted programming. And most of it is actually watchable!

Show	Net	Day	Time	Priority
Law & Order	NBC	FRI	800	Sleepytime
Dollhouse	FOX	FRI	900	Watch
Monk	USA	FRI	900	DVR
Stargate Universe	SYFY	FRI	900	Watch
Numbers	CBS	FRI	1000	Sleepytime
Psych	USA	FRI	1000	DVR
Sanctuary	SYFY	FRI	1000	DVR
White Collar	USA	FRI	1000	Watch

Law & Order: The original returns for yet another season. This programming staple got re-energized with one of its signature cast revamps, and this collection of actors is the strongest the show has had since the Lenny Briscoe glory days. If you gave up some time around "is this because I'm a lesbian?" do yourself a favor and check out the new "kids." (Of course, there's nothing wrong with lesbians. Or Elisabeth Rohm. Or Elisabeth Rohm as a lesbian. I'll be in my bunk).

Dollhouse: Gather round the campfire, and settle in for a long one, because there's a lot to say here. First, and most surprising, is the fact that Dollhouse is coming back at all. Ratings started off low (when it was paired with the equally ambitious and well done Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles), got lower, and then steadied at a level that said "see ya!" Yet FOX, perhaps seeing the show's concepts and presentation get sharper (which would be ironic, since their meddling is what made the first few shows so shaggy) or maybe fearing the wrath of Whedon fanboys (and girls) again after aborting the masterpiece that was Firefly, surprised everyone, including Joss himself, by renewing DH for a second season. They talked about online and DVR viewing, but I would guess one of the biggest factors in the renewal is that the show is produced by sister company 20th Century Fox, so all the ancillary revenue stays in the family, and Whedon fans are nothing, if not obsessive purchasers (he says, looking at his Dollhouse DVD set). Regardless of the reasons, we have season two coming, though it will be inexplicably paired with a couple of FOX's awful sitcoms as a lead in. Hey, you take what you can get. As for the show itself? I've written extensively about it (check the tags), but here's a good way to summarize my thoughts. The wonderful Galactica Quorum Podcast (which previously, was about just what you think it was) asked for feedback on Dollhouse, and I was only to happy to contribute. Most of this made it onto their Dollhouse ep, which you can listen to here. Below, you can find what I wrote to them:

Hey guys. In response to your twitter, here are a few thoughts on Dollhouse. But first, some background on my experiences with the previous Whedonverse series:

• I’m an unabashed Joss fan. That said, I’m not a mindless automaton who will accept everything he touches as handed down from on high.
• Buffy rightly deserves its place in the pantheon of great TV. The first season is a “finding our way” slog though, with a couple of breakout moments.
• Angel similarly took some time to find its voice in the first season, but resulted in a mature, apocalyptic noir that I may have enjoyed even more than the parent show (save the baby arc. For fuck’s sake, please don’t add babies to a show). I loved S5 and thought it got cancelled too soon.
• Firefly was pretty much fully formed and perfect out of the box, and got hosed by FOX.

I was giddy with excitement for Dollhouse. Great cast on paper, solid stable of writers and intriguing concept. Did it deliver on the premise and potential? Kind of:

The first five eps were hit and miss. Only “The Target” and “Gray Hour” worked as solid episodes, and “Stage Fright” is right up there with the worst television ever produced by Whedon (Angel’s “She” and “Provider” and Buffy’s “Teacher’s Pet,” “The Pack” and “Where the Wild Things Are” are similarly terrible). Too much cheesecake (and I say that as a straight male eminently appreciative of Dushku’s sexiness) and way too many “glitches” for a supposedly competent and high priced organization.

“Man on the Street” was the ep where things turned around, and it seemed they really grasped the potential of the series. The home stretch of season one was vastly improved, and very entertaining.

At first, they didn’t really make a case WHY someone would spend all that money to hire a doll. It was a plot hole that stuck out like a sore thumb. And one that could have been easily explained: what you pay for is not ONLY the “special skills” (whether it’s safecracking, midwifeing, spycraft, asskicking or whoring), but the ability to have all the knowledge and experienced wiped without a trace provides an anonymity you can’t get elsewhere.

The whole Alpha story was well done, and Tudyk gave an exceptional performance.

There were great plots twists, that kept you guessing. Alpha. November. Whiskey. Dominic. Adelle’s weekend rendezvous.

From an acting standpoint, there were some distinct highlights, include Olivia Williams (great hopped up on drugs in “Echoes” and revealing more about the character in “Spy in the House of Love”), Enver Gjokaj (good in everything he did), Harry Lennix (appropriately weary and stoic), Fran Kranz (yes, Topher is annoying, like a smarter, caffeinated Andrew from Buffy, but he was written that way and he delivered), Reed Diamond, Mark Sheppard (not given much to do) and of course, Amy Acker, who brings immeasurable depth to everything she does.

Lord knows I love me some Dushku. She was great as Faith, is hot as the surface of the sun, and is, by all account, a great person to boot (her recent trips to Africa, for example). She's smart, funny, ambitious and self-effacing in interviews and on commentaries. But I’m not sure she has the chops to pull off such a multifaceted and constantly changing role and inhabit it fully and believably (losing all traces of the “tough Southie broad.”) I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt, and hope she improves in S2.

Also, though I enjoyed Helo on BSG, Tahmoh was terrible here. I’m sure some of that was the fact that Paul Ballard was written as one of the stupidest characters on TV (Jason Stackhouse notwithstanding. At least Jason is funny).

There’s a lot of potential here, and the questions the show asks – what exactly are we? What is a “soul?” What makes a personality? What’s the morality of programming and renting people? -- are interesting and worth exploring in a weekly high concept drama. Whedon and company didn’t get a handle on it until late in the game of the first season, same as with Buffy and Angel, so here’s hoping that S2 results in a similar leap in storytelling and executional quality. I’d give the whole season a solid “B -.” (First half, C- and second half, A-)

That about sums it up, no? And you bet your ass I'll be watching.

Monk: I'm as weary of the Tony Shaloub Emmy parade as anyone (though he did initially deserve the recognition), but like Adrian Monk, I can be a little OCD, and unless a show totally craps the bed which Monk was verging on, if I have the time, I'm likely to see it through. This being the final season for Monk, I'll be tuning in. I'll give them this, the writing and guesting during this last go round has markedly improved. Ted Levine is underrated and Traylor Howard is adorable.

Stargate Universe: The whole Stargate franchise is an interesting one. While they tried to tackle some big ideas on occasion (a la Trek) with SG1 and Atlantis, it was primarily a light Friday night action adventure diversion, where the heroes dispatched the bad guys with a smile and quip, usually on a planet that looked amazingly similar to a forest in Vancouver. The good thing is that they usually cast very well, and gave viewers the sci-fi equivalent of an Outback Steakhouse. You know what you're going to get, and it went down well. With Universe, they're attempting to break the mold, go a little darker and a little more realistic, and provide an entry point for new viewers unfamiliar with 15+ seasons of Daniel Jackson, Rodney McKay, Samantha Cater and mythology based aliens masquerading as "gods." Will it work? I don't know, but from everything I've seen, they are putting their best foot forward, and having Robert Carlyle as the lead certainly helps establish their quality bona fides.

Numbers: Something I've added to the bedroom TiVo as another enjoyable, funky concept (use math to solve crimes!) procedural. If you're not watching yet, there's probably no need to.

Psych: About to wrap up for the season, to make way for another USA new series, but always fun. How can you not love a show about a fake crime solving psychic that displays such an unabashed love for everything 80s pop culture? Leads James Roday and Dule Hill have unbelievable chemistry, and the rest of the ensemble is solid (and Maggie Lawson is cute as a button). The mysteries, like with Monk, are no great shakes, but the laughs are found in the execution, which offers far more hits than misses.

Sanctuary: This show started as a web only, totally greenscreen/CGI limited series about a mysterious scientist who seeks to assist and study paranormal creatures. The first season, to be honest, was a bit of a snore, picking up toward the end of its run with a deepening mythology and sharper character work. I'll give it another chance, if for nothing else than the boundless charms of lead Amanda Tapping (late of the Stargate franchise). If you've ever seen her in interviews or listened to one of her DVD commentaries, you'll fall hopelessly in love with her. She's hot, smart, funny, sweet as a fresh from the oven cookie and overwhelmingly appreciative of fans.

White Collar: This is USA's latest character based show, about a master thief recruited by the government to help them solve crimes. Track record plays an important role here, as USA has done a fantastic job developing new shows, from the mildly entertaining (Monk, In Plain Sight) to the terrifically executed and must watch (Burn Notice, Psych and even the sadly little watched American adaptation of Touching Evil, which also featured Jeffrey Donovan). Only Royal Pains, which was a ratings success, has felt flat to me. So I'll check out White Collar, which has a good premise and an intriguing cast (Matt Bomer, Tim Dekay, Tiffani Thiessen, Willie Garson and recently added cast regular Natalie Morales, late of last year's Best. Damned. New. Show. The Middleman).

What To Watch: Thursdays

Previously, on TNRLM's What To Watch: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.

It doesn't matter if you are a network executive, a showrunner, a media buyer or a viewer. You might want to rework the U2 anthem to be "Thursday, Bloody Thursday," because the pile up of shows on this, the weekday's most watched night, is going to epic. Thursday has long been a high traffic, high profile night (remember "Must See TV?"), but this year, each and every network (along with some cablers) is pushing their chips to the center and saying "all in." There's probably a little blood in the water, as one of the highest rated shows in recent memory, CBS's CSI: Original Recipe, showed signs of slowing down last year with the departure of star William Peterson.

So what to do here? Probably push your TiVo to the limit, and make some concessions about what to watch at home, what to watch online, and what to catch on DVD.

Show	Net	Day	Time	Priority
Bones	FOX	THU	800	Watch
Flash Forward	ABC	THU	800	Watch
CSI	CBS	THU	900	DVR
Fringe	FOX	THU	900	Watch
Supernatural	CW	THU	900	Watch
The Office	NBC	THU	900	DVR
30 Rock	NBC	THU	930	DVR
Community	NBC	THU	930	DVR
It's Always Sunny in Philly	FX	THU	1000	Watch
The Mentalist	CBS	THU	1000	DVR

Bones: Bones has steadily grown in its time on the air, and become a nice little Moonlighting-esque crime show rounded out by a talented supporting cast. However, there were some serious missteps this past year, culminating with one of the worst season finales I've ever witnessed (if you watch the show, you know what I'm talking about, but suffice to say, an overly complicated coma dream sequence combined with a visualization of a novel in progress that results in character development that doesn't really happen is not how you want to cap off an up and down season). During the season, Booth had several hallucinations (the ghost of a dead war buddy, a hockey player, Stewie from Family Guy) that could have been ultimately explained by his brain tumor. Yet in the episode with the "ghost," the writer/director made a conscious decision to have Brennan actually see and interact with the damned "ghost." How can people, on a non-supernatural show, share a brain tumor created hallucination? Yikes. So, I'll give Bones a shot at explaining some of this away and getting back on track, but it's on a short TiVo leash.

Flash Forward: Interesting premise. Everyone on Earth blacks out for two minutes, seventeen seconds (expected cataclysmic chaos ensues), and has a "vision" of their future, six months from that point. Too high concept? Not sure, but it has an appealing cast, including Joseph Fiennes, John Cho, Jack Davenport, Peyton List (Roger Sterling's new bride!), Courtney B. Vance and Lost's Dominic Monoghan and Sonya Walger. It's based on a novel by Robert Sawyer, but will depart dramatically from the book (though it has the blessing of Sawyer, who will also contribute scripts to the show).

CSI: Still the best of the CSIs (though that's not saying much these days), this old warhorse went through some serious upheaval. Peterson left, and was replaced (awkwardly) by Laurence Fishburne. Great actor, but I'm not sure his character "clicked" with the rest of the cast. Jorja Fox, who I can't stand to watch, also left the show, but apparently, she will be returning in some capacity this season. One of the few new characters they introduced, Lauren Lee Smith's Riley, leaves the show, which I view as a loss. Still, the writing here is sharp (with plenty of geek scribes on staff, including some from Trek and BSG -- the murder at a sci-fi convention was a highlight last year) and the "lab rats" are consistently amusing. I'll probably keep my season pass, albeit on a secondary DVR (or west coast feed).

Fringe: Like most new shows, Fringe had problems figuring out a consistent tone and style of storytelling during its freshmen debut. However, it got much, much better as the season progressed, and it features one of best casts on TV, anchored by Anna Torv, Joshua Jackson, Blair Brown, Lance Reddick and Emmy worthy scene stealer John Noble as a literal mad scientist. (Many critics were divided on Torv, but I think she played what they gave her beautifully). Spock himself, the legendary Leonard Nimoy, will build on his cameo at the end of season one as the mysterious William Bell, and the reveal of an "alternate reality universe" gives this tech-driven X-Files for a new generation plenty upon which to build new mysteries and thrills.

Supernatural: I was late the Winchester brothers party, and caught up last year via a DVD binge, but it was well worth it. (Noted TV critics Mo Ryan and Matt Roush did the same thing). I had initially dismissed the show as yet another featherweight CW teen pander, but boy, was I wrong. Supernatural is a worthy heir to the mantle of shows (like Buffy, Angel, Lost and the X-Files) that effectively and creatively blend thrills, chills, scares and laughs with moving long term storytelling. You'll be on the edge of your seat one moment, then laughing your ass off the next. This year, the show adds to its usual classic rock and monsters sensibility by letting Lucifer walk the earth engaging in an apocalyptic showdown with militant angels. Fun!!

The Office / 30 Rock: The Office is one of those rare shows to effectively handle the "will they or won't they" romantic tension between the leads in a logical and appealing way. Jim and Pam got together, got engaged, and are expecting. While this is great news for the shippers, it puts me on alert, since nothing kills a show for me more than pregnancies and kids. Still, it's very well written and acted, and I'll likely keep it around until the Babies R Us stuff becomes unbearable. As for 30 Rock, no show on TV has a higher laugh per minute ratio.

Community: A new show, headlined by The Soup! snarkmeister Joel McHale and Chevy Chase, looks subversively promising.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: Another show I missed originally, and caught via the power of reruns and the interwebs, but will be adding to the season pass list without hesitation. Sunny isn't for everyone -- the characters are all hilariously self-absorbed and amoral. Take a look through the list of episode titles (which include "The Gang Gets Racist," "Mac Bangs Dennis' Mom," "The Gang Finds a Dumpster Baby" and "Sweet Dee's Dating a Retarded Person") and see for yourself if this appeals to your sensibilities. It certainly does mine, and holy shit is this show laugh out loud funny.

The Mentalist: This was last year's highest rated new show, and it finally made a bona fide TV star out of Aussie Simon Baker (after failed attempts with The Guardian and the sadly little watched Smith). As the wits on USA's Psych like to mock (deservedly so), The Mentalist is basically straight crime procedural version of the former show. Is it "must see" TV? Probably not. Is it one of the better and more engaging crime dramas on? Probably so. Baker is a charming lead, and the supporting cast plays well together. There's room enough on my TiVo for two fake psychic detectives (even if both of them aren't fascinated with pineapples and 80s pop culture references).

Whew. I can smell the DVR overheating now.

What To Watch: Wednesdays

For what to watch on Mondays (and the intro to what to watch), check here. For Tuesday, check here. Which brings us to Humpday!

Show	Net	Day	Time	Priority
Glee	FOX	WED	900	Watch
Law & Order: SVU	NBC	WED	900	Sleepytime
Criminal Minds	CBS	WED	1000	Sleepytime
Nip/Tuck	FX	WED	1000	DVR
South Park	COM	WED	1000	DVR

Glee: Obviously, the big news on Wednesday is Ryan Murphy's new hard to define Glee. Is it a musical? A drama? A comedy? Is it a parody of high school shows? Does it take itself and its characters seriously? I don't know the answers to the questions, but I'm sure as hell going to watch to find out. (for my review of the pilot, check here). Murphy knows his way around part of the genre, based on his track record with the spotty, but often hilarious, Popular. The premiere episode, aired much earlier this year following American Idol, showed a lot of promise (and yeah, who other than me downloaded "Don't Stop Believin" by the Glee cast and wore out their iPod?). School diva Rachel Berry (played by broadway vet Lea Michele) has a soaring and powerful voice, and the teacher in charge of Glee Club is winningly played by Matthew Morrison. And of course, Jane Lynch steals every scene she's in. But will Jessalyn Gilsig's (an actress I really like) one note harpy of a wife wear thin? (For her take on the character, check out this HitFix interview). How much will the musical numbers take you out of the drama, comedy and reality of the show? Will the song selections always be so pop culturally relevant and inspired? We shall see, won't we?

Law & Order SVU: This is another show I tune into out of habit. SVU is actually my least favorite of the franchise, and the season pass is designated "keep until space is needed." Perhaps the return Stephanie March and the usual parade of quality guest stars in lurid plotlines can spice it up.

Criminal Minds: Critics loathe this show, and I can see why. An ex got me to watch a few eps with her; I started watching more regularly, and found it to be an interesting, if occasionally sensationalistic and ghoulish, way to spend an hour with a cast I really like (including major crush Paget Brewster, Matthew Gray Gubler, Joe Mantega, Kirsten Vangsness and AJ Cook -- with occasional guest spots from geek icons like Wil Wheaton and Nick Brendon).

Nip / Tuck: See, THIS is what worries me about Glee. Nip / Tuck started off effectively walking the line between overcooked melodrama and outright camp, and in latter seasons completely went off the rails, barely resembling its originally witty take on superficiality and bromance (effectively sauteed with high concept storytelling and characterization). Still, we're in the home stretch now, and Nip / Tuck will return for a final victory lap, so I'll give it a chance to rebound.

South Park: Last season, with a few exceptions ("Pinewood Derby," anyone?) was just as funny as always.

What To Watch: Tuesdays

For an introduction to "What to Watch" (and a look at Mondays), check here.

Now, on to Tuesday!

Show	Net	Day	Time	Priority
NCIS	CBS	TUE	800	Sleepytime
V	ABC	TUE	800	Watch
Warehouse 13	SYFY	TUE	900	Watch
Sons of Anarchy	FX	TUE	1000	Watch

Tuesday is a lite night for my TV viewing, especially compared to Thursday. Really, the primary highlights are the new V reimagining and the returning Sons of Anarchy (along with soon to conclude Warehouse 13).

NCIS: Like a lot of folks, I caught up on this show via the endless repeats on USA. It's kind of like a country fried steak. Sure, it's not filet mignon, but it's warm, filling and tasty going down. It's a typical procedural, with plenty of great "character work" to go around. And not necessarily character work in the same sense that an HBO, Mad Men or Whedon show would do, but in that we have some broad archetypes here that are winningly and appealingly played, within the constraints of a typical "wrap it up in 44 minutes."

V: For those of us in my age demo, we have fond childhood memories of the original V miniseries. Fascist, red leather wearing, rodent eating alien invaders take over the world? Awesome! Like a lot of network sci-fi from that era, it really doesn't hold up too well under modern viewing standards, but much like Battlestar Galactica, the underlying premise is interesting enough to give it the reboot treatment. And I, for one, will be watching. Even better is the talent behind and in front of the camera, including producers Scott Peters (of the underrated The 4400) and Jeffrey Bell (Angel, Alias and X-Files) and actors Elizabeth Mitchell (the wondrous Juliet from Lost), Joel Gretsch (The 4400) and Morena Baccarin (the impossibly gorgeous space hooker from Firefly).

Warehouse 13: Not sure whether to count this or not, since we only have a couple more eppys to finish in this charming new show's initial run. For more on W13, check out my "Summer TV Report Card." The good news? It's Syfy's biggest scripted hit ever, and has already been renewed for a second season.

Sons of Anarchy: I missed this riveting show during its initial airing, but caught up via reruns and it's definitely a keeper. Part outlaw drama, part Shakespearean meditation (think Hamlet), SOA is like The Sopranos on Harleys. Extraordinarily well cast and well written, SOA wandered a bit during the first season (as most shows tend to do) before really hitting stride during the back half. Last night's premiere kicked off the second season with a vengeance.

What To Watch: Mondays

Fall TV Season is finally upon us, and the season premieres of returning shows and pilots for new shows will start hitting the air soon. I'll be doing a brief rundown, day by day, of the shows I'll be watching this fall, so follow along and add your two cents worth as well. Let's start with Monday:

Show	Net	Day	Time	Priority
Heroes	NBC	MON	800	DVR
House	FOX	MON	800	Watch
How I Met Your Mother	CBS	MON	800	Watch
Lie to Me	FOX	MON	900	DVR
Big Bang Theory	CBS	MON	930	Watch
Castle	ABC	MON	1000	Watch

First, a quick word about what I'm calling "Priority." "DVR" means that I'll TiVo the show, probably get around to watching it, but not necessarily on the night in question. "Watch" means that I'll make every effort to watch the show live (or relatively live, factoring in the 15 minute or so buffer to blast through the commercials). And my third classification (which isn't shown here on Monday) is "Sleepytime." Long ago having tired of the shouty nonsense from SportsCenter anchors and news program hysterical blathering, I like to have a bank of shows built up on the bedroom TiVo to watch as I'm falling asleep. Typically, these are fairly unchallenging but watchable procedurals. Also, my "best of the night" are shown in RED.

Heroes: Call it morbid curiosity or a bad habit, but I'm leaving this on the season pass list despite a continuing (and almost terminal) decline in the quality of the show. Mainly, I like Adrian Pasdar, Jack Coleman and Zachary Quinto as actors, and for the time being, their talents and appeal overcome the charisma void created by the rest of the cast and the plot hole-riddled scripting. Could have the plug pulled in short order if it doesn't improve quickly, though.

House: How has Hugh Laurie not been awarded an Emmy yet? The quality of the individual episodes and plot strands can vary, but there's no doubting the ferocious, multi-faceted and captivating central performance (along with quality work done by the rest of the cast, especially the understated Robert Sean Leonard).

How I Met Your Mother: When's the last time you were so entertained by a show built around a douchey principal character and his uninteresting quest? But the other four characters are so awesome we put up with Ted.

Lie To Me: Like House, the show's plot mechanics can be a bit of a one trick pony, but the lead English import is so damned good, it makes up for it. They did start to show different nuances to the "lie detection" gimmick late in the season, and bringing in Shawn Ryan as showrunner, and Sarah Fain & Elizabeth Craft (late of Dollhouse) as writers should only help the show improve in its sophomore season.

Big Bang Theory: Simply put, my favorite sitcom on TV. BBT grew leaps and bounds in its second season, continuing all the lovably geeky stuff (spot on, while treating it with respect - a difficult tightrope to walk) that made it so appealing in the first place, while rounding out and deepening the initially one-note and troublesome character of Penny. Proof that the "old" three camera sitcom format isn't dead, and can thrive in the right hands.

Castle: Nathan Fillion gets his best role since Captain Tightpants, and has terrific chemistry with stealth hottie Stana Katic in this engaging, breezy, crime drama. Castle feels like it should be on USA network, and that's actually a good thing. (And bonus points for giving me the first kid on TV since Rory Gilmore that I don't want to put into a wood chipper).

It was a good 5:18

For five minutes and eighteen seconds, it looked like everything was “right” in the Dawgverse. UGA took the opening kick in the end zone for a touchback* and then reeled off an impressive opening drive that showed creativity and precision, culminating in a 4 yard TD pass from Joe Cox to Michael Moore.

*UGA fans may be unfamiliar with this term. It’s when the kicker kicks the ball into the endzone, and the receiving team doesn’t run the ball out, giving them a starting position on the 20 yard line.

I don’t know how much, if any, of this drive was pre-scripted, but it was certainly effective. After that drive, however, the offensive wheels came off and it was all downhill. Consider this:

• On that drive, Cox was 2 for 3, for 33 yards and a TD. After that, he was 13 for 27 with a pick and a fumble.
• On that drive, Richard Samuel rushed 4 times for 31 yards (7.75 YPC). After that, he ran 16 times for 56 yards (3.5 YPC).
• In that first 5:18, UGA rushed 7 times for 42 yards (6.0 YPC). The rest of the game, UGA rushed 23 times for 42 yards (1.87 YPC).
• Run/Pass mix on first drive: 7/3. Run/Pass mix remainder of game: 23/27.
• First drive: 80 yards and a TD. Next 11 drives? 186 total yards, 6 punts, 2 fumbles, 1 interception and 1 field goal.

The familiar refrain after UGA losses last year was “Fire Willie Martinez!” And at times, it was hard to argue with that sentiment, watching the D get torched time after time, give up 40+ points on multiple occasions, failing to create turnovers and showing a troubling inability to make tackles. Well, Saturday in Stillwater, you couldn’t pin this loss on Martinez and the D. Yes, the pass rush continues to be anemic. No, once again the Dawgs didn’t create turnovers. But given the odds stacked against them (questionable officiating, ridiculously short fields to defend – only one OSU scoring drive was over 32 yards), the D did their job and it was the O that let this team down, and frankly, signaled that this is going to be a very, very long season.

Before the season, there was great debate over whether Cox would be more like Joe Tereshinski or DJ Shockley. You don’t want to form a complete opinion based on one game, especially one which followed several days of flu-like symptoms, but Joe’s performance was certainly closer to the former than the latter. Passes, even those that were completed, were a little off target and a little late to arrive. Given that, it was even more perplexing that after the first drive, the playcalling mix became more weighted toward the passing game, when it was clear to everyone watching that the QB wasn’t sharp and the receivers weren’t hauling in the waffling floaters that got near them. This was a horrible game for OC Bobo, and a D that doesn’t create turnovers isn’t going to help bail him out.

Despite a career long FG by Walsh and several long punts (aided by a couple of fortuitous bounces) by Butler, the special teams were a disaster once again. OSU averaged almost 34 yards per kick return and 15 yards per punt return.

So let’s sum it all up, shall we?

• After an impressive opening drive, the offense was poorly coordinated and haphazardly executed.
• The special teams continue to be an embarrassment for a top flight college football program.
• The defense performed admirably, but still cannot sack the QB or generate any turnovers.

Given that, I think it’s gonna be a struggle to stay above .500 this year. Hate to say that, and perhaps next week’s home tilt with the Chickens will give us more to work with, but right now the glass is looking half empty.

But we’ll always have that first 5:18.

Reasons not to be excited about college football starting tonight

I kid, of course. I mean it's fantastic that the most awesome thing ever invented by man (part of a short list that includes the TiVo, the interwebs, the blackberry, the grind n' brew coffee maker and whiskey) is starting the season again after what seems like an interminable hiatus. And it should, as always, be a wonderful season, full of twists and turns and drama.

Note: one of the many, many reasons I don't watch reality TV is that in essence, sports IS the ultimate reality TV, only far more entertaining and less manufactured (and with fewer Kardashians, Pratts and Partridges).

That said, there are things I'm absolutely dreading about the upcoming college football season, including (but not limited to):

• Mark May.
• Lou Holtz.
• The hype Notre Dame will get for running through a schedule equivalent to what my single A high school played back in the 80s (surprised the Domers didn't pay Georgia School for the Deaf for one of Jesus-mandated required 7 home games).
• FOX still covering several of the BCS games.
• The unrelenting and unprecedented media felating of future UFL fullback and televangelist Tim Tebow.
• Kenny Chesney and Dave Matthews Band doing music for ESPN college football coverage. (Really, it takes a special kind of douchebaggery to make you long wistfully for the days of Big & Rich).
• No smoking in the stadium breezeways.
• The ridiculous effort it takes inside Sanford to get a stadium cup full of ice water as a mixer (really, folks, don't ruin good whiskey or bourbon with sugary soft drinks).
• The mainstream media's continued "grudge" or apathy toward Georgia. (Has a program from a top tier conference, with such a recent string of continued upper level performance, ever gotten so little ongoing respect from pundits and journalists?)
• Conversely, the predictable media slurping of the usual suspects (USC, Penn State, Ohio State, Florida, Notre Dame).
• Gameday traffic.
• Television coverage issues. (Right now, my local ABC affiliate is scheduled to show Baylor / Wake Forest Saturday at 3:30, instead of UGA / OSU. Oh, how the viewing needle will move for that epic matchup).
• Predetermined Heismanery.
• Tedious, idiotic, insulting or unlistenable announcing (Pam Ward, Rod Gilmore, Bob Davie, Mike Patrick, among others).
  

Yeah, all that is truly annoying. But the good outweighs the bad by far, no? Time for some football.

Summer TV Report Card

Thanks to cable, summer is no longer the desolate television wasteland, comprised of repeats, intelligence and dignity sapping reality shows and dumped pilots. (Network television, however, still continues this time honored taking out of the trash).

So how did summer viewing stack up, quality-wise? Let's take a look. Here are my grades for various summer season shows (some of which are still in progress):

Burn Notice: A-
Very solid season, filled with everything we like (how-to voiceovers, CGI-free action, colorful cover identities, lots of Sam Axe) and only a little of what we don't (meandering master plot and too many scenarios where the bad guys tidily take each other out). The only serious misstep was with the character (and casting) of Detective Paxson.

Royal Pains: C-
This freshman show seems to have caught on in the ratings and performed well even after losing the superior Burn Notice as a lead in. I stuck with it through to the finale, but I'm not sure that I'll keep it on the season pass list when it returns next summer. Other than Campbell Scott's mysterious Boris, all the characters are black holes of charisma or downright annoying (I'm looking at you, Evan). The nifty "solutions" to medical problems lack the brilliance of House and aren't as fun as similar improvisations on Burn Notice. And I don't give a damn about any of the relationships here.

In Plain Sight: B-
Credit where credit is due for successfully centering a show on a prickly, borderline unlikable character. Mary McCormack's Marshal Mary Shannon is competent and caustic, and her interplay with the show's best character, Fred Weller's bone-dry Marshal Marshall Mann, is the reason to keep coming back. The show also made some effort to adjust the supporting cast, making Stan more passionate and less buffoonish, and pushing Mary's aggravating family to the background. The creator and showrunner has left the series, so we'll see how things shake out next year.

Law & Order: Criminal Intent: B+
This warhorse keeps chugging along, offering "ripped from the headlines" crimes to be solved by two of TV's quirkiest and most watchable performers, Vincent D'Onfrio and Jeff Goldblum. The supporting cast is also sublime. I really like the work done by Eric Bogosian, Kathryn Erbe and Julianne Nicholson.

Saving Grace: D
On the surface, I should love this show. It features characters from "flyover country" that are taken seriously, blends procedural crime-solving with a dollop of the supernatural and has talented actors giving real and naturalistic performances across the board. There's no question that Holly Hunter's bravura scenery chewing is a thing to behold. Yet every single episode I watch feels like there are three or four scenes cut out that would help it hang together more coherently. And the overall arc shambles aimlessly along, confusing "divine mystery" with "exasperatingly nonsensical." A nice effort, but definitely far less than the sum of its parts.

The Closer: B
I've long stopped pulling my hair out over Kyra's dinner theatre Georgia accent (now that Saving Grace is shutting down, perhaps Holly Hunter can give her some dialect coaching?) and just enjoyed this show for what it is. It features a great supporting cast (any reason for more JK Simmons on my TV is a reason to cheer) and a bluesy score (the opening scenes / credits roll out sequences are among the best on TV). Though the "revelation in Brenda's personal life triggers an 'a-ha moment' about the case" device can be a little trite, the show just works.

Leverage: B
More fun than it ought to be, this lightweight summer diversion is eminently watchable, thanks mainly to the performances. Timothy Hutton grounds the team with his actorly chops, and the rest of the Leverage group orbits around him giving us everything from geektastic riffing (Aldis Hodge's Hardison) to inexplicably adorable face-scrunching (Beth Riesgraf's Parker). The con mechanics don't always hold up under close scrutiny, but this show is as refreshing as a lemonade on a summer day.

Weeds: D
I gave up on this show for a while, but came back this season to see what's going on and can't believe I made it through the entire thing (one more episode, the season finale, airs Monday). Mary Louise Parker is sexy as hell and gives her all to a role that just doesn't do anything for me. Nancy Botwin isn't particularly likable, competent, moral, funny or engaging. (In Plain Sight's central character is similar prickly, but is at least good at what she does). The side plots, whether they feature the kids, Doug and Dean or Celia, feel beamed in from another show and I can't believe anyone gives a shit about Esteban or his career. Really, the only redeeming features this season have been Justin Kirk's nimble gift for comedy and pathos, and Alanis Morrisette's surprisingly winning guest shot. A mess.

Nurse Jackie: B+
A meandering examination of an addicted ER Nurse and her personal and professional travails, this show won me over on the strength of the acting, particularly a ferocious and vanity-free performance from the incomparable Edie Falco and Merritt Wever's lovable, loopy Zoey. With the exception of Anna Deavere Smith's slapsticky administrator (I fault the character and writing more than the actress, who ably tries to work with the tone deaf material she's given) the whole ensemble turns in great work.

Entourage: D+
Another show, like Weeds, than appears on my TiVo more out of habit than any sort of passion. It was never blessed with sharp writing or performances (save early, pre-sushi Piven) in the first place, and it's only gotten shaggier in its later years. This year, the show's least compelling character, Eric, winds up with most of "dramatic" heavy lifting, and he's simply not up to the challenge (and what's with the annoying stick figure neighbor? Ye gods). It takes a special kind of ineptness to waste Gary Cole.

Hung: B
This one seems to be really hit or miss for a lot of folks. Not quite funny enough to be laugh out loud hysterical, yet not as sharply dramatic as something like Nurse Jackie can be, Hung is content to drift along on the charms of its cast and wacky premise. Your mileage may vary, depending on how much you enjoy Thomas Jane and Jane Adams. Personally, I think Jane is an underrated actor who filters some of his character's jockish obliviousness with a hangdog earnestness, and I've long had a crush on the delightful quirky and compelling Adams.

True Blood: A-
While this isn't a deep, thought-provoking meditation on the human condition (such as other HBO efforts like The Sopranos or Deadwood), there's hardly anything on TV now that offers this much outlandish, over the top fun. Though I could do without some of the characters (like Eggs), Michelle Forbes has been a gleefully demented big bad and the relationship between the shy, sweet Hoyt and the vampire virgin Jessica is funny, compelling and fascinating to watch. Almost all the eccentrics in Bon Tomps have something to do this season (welcome back, sassy Lafayette!), and the show has found a nice tone that effectively straddles gut-busting camp and operatic melodrama.

Virtuality: A-
Though this was a failed pilot aired as a burn-off TV movie, it's really a shame Virtuality didn't get more of a shot. It was well cast, well written and had an abundance of ideas to explore.

Being Human: B
What a delightful little surprise this BBCA import has been. It's the story of three flatmates (as they say across the pond) - a vampire, a werewolf and a ghost. Though I frequently watch with the closed-captioning on in order to catch some of the mumbled English slang, and some of the foundational "rules" about how these supernatural creatures operate aren't exactly clear, I admire the winning performances of the three lead actors and appreciate the fact that the plot isn't afraid to go to some very dark places.

Rescue Me: B+
This has been a very successful comeback for a show that seemed to be running out of gas during its last go round. Most all of the central characters have gotten a plotline to wrap their arms around, and you can never go wrong when you give the crew of the 62 Truck more scenes to hang around and shoot the shit about women, pop culture, politics or life in general. Sometimes, the focus on Tommy's magical love life can be wearying, but it helps when you have an actress as good as Callie Thorne to play balls-out crazy, or one as talented and sexy as Maura Tierney to play a mysterious new interloper. Few shows can vacillate between pathos and comedy as well as Rescue Me, and one of the things I've admired this season has been a concerted effort to feature longer, unbroken set pieces that mine the depths of both.

Eureka: B-
Though I'm a little pissed that Friday's episode was a glorified clip show masquerading as a new episode, Eureka does what it always does: provide an amiable, well-acted and engaging summer diversion that coasts effectively on its high concept trappings and likable cast. Jamie Ray Newman has added some life, too, as a flame-haired, lispy romantic foil for the comically gifted Colin Ferguson.

Warehouse 13: A-
This freshman series, a delightful melange of The X-Files and TNT's Librarian series, with a dash of Bones thrown in, charmed from the start, though it isn't without a few growing pains. It is winningly cast, with leads Eddie McClintock and Joanne Kelly as "Secret Service" agents tasked with procuring magical and sci-fi "artifacts" for the mysterious Warehouse, which is overseen by reliable veteran actor Saul Rubinek. Recently, Allison Scagliotti joined the cast as a young hacker genius to add some depth (and winsome attitude) to the team. McClintock and Kelly have chemistry to burn, and the whole concept is fun and breezy, and a great way to spend an hour. The artifacts themselves have been inconsistent in nature, ranging from historically clever to poorly conceived, and some of the episode wrap ups have been a wee bit trite. It's all but impossible for new shows to find their tone and footing right out of the box, but with the addition of more backstory and a recurring nemesis (Roger Rees), Warehouse 13 is quickly getting into an addictive groove.

Psych and Monk: (Incomplete)
We're too early into their summer runs to offer a complete evaluation for these returing USA favorites, but I will say that Monk seems to have stepped up a bit in its swan song from a lackluster prior season. The ratings show that Psych suffers some viewer drop off from its lead in, and I can't understand why, as this show continues to make me giggle with its endless pop culture riffs and the easy chemistry between leads James Roday and Dule Hill.

All in all, if, like me, you find reality drivel one of the horsemen of the apocalypse and needed some scripted viewing this summer it really was a pretty good time to be plopped on the couch in front of the tube.

The Six: Please, no more

A random list of 6 things related to one topic.

Gmail has a wonderful spam filter. In Google Reader, you can set various blog feeds to go into different folders by topic or any other classification you want (such as a folder I call "whenever," which is basically a grouping for items that I may get around to reading eventually). In Outlook, you can set up filters to direct incoming mail to various folders by sender. Leafing through EW, you can skip any articles that pertain to reality TV, the latest precious hipster music or Twilight. On my DirecTV channel grid, I can customize it to hide all the channels related to home shopping, mythical deities and the children's programming consumer industrial complex. The point is, there are many ways to filter out the things you loathe or are not interested in.

However, to be culturally aware and stay up to speed on things that you are passionate about, there's a certain amount of chaff that's never going to get separated from the wheat, and that will still make it through your filters and penetrate your defenses. For example, say you can't stand the president (the current one, or the former one). There's no way to stay abreast of the national and global news without hearing more than you want about him. Or say you despise a certain canine-slaughtering, STD-spreading, receiver-missing QB. You can't possibly watch or listen to or read any sports news without getting Ron Mexico overload. So no matter how well you try to insulate yourself, some signals are just going to be received, dammit.

Here are the 6 things I'm sick to death of hearing about, wish would vanish from the earth, but can't really avoid:

1. Tim Tebow
2. Michael Vick
3. Death Panels
4. Paula Abdul
5. Baseball and steroids
   
6. Reality "stars" (Kardashians, Spiedi, JSimp, Anyone associated with the "Hills," Jon and Kate, etc.)

What's on your "Please, no more" list?

I'll take potpourri for $6,700, Alex

Brought to you in panoramic THX vistaview 3-D blogovision

This Jason Whitlock column has to be read to be believed. I guess he's a James Bond fan. (Though it is immeasurably delectable to see yet another sanctimonious hypocrite -- a coach who brings a priest on road trips -- get exposed for the fuckshovel he is).

Video interviews with the stars of the enjoyable new Syfy show Warehouse 13. Joanne Kelly is ADORABLE. And for the ladies, there's some Eddie McClintock (who humorously relates of always being mistaken for Craig Sheffer and David Boreanaz. And tells of Sam Rockwell chatting him for a while, before asking "so is Buffy really hot?")

More video fun for guys and gals! E! chats with the stars of Castle (also equally adorable), and Nathan suggests a Dr. Horrible sequel is in the writing stages. (I'm still hoping for an Emmy performance, though Nathan actually gets that question and says nope, but it could be a subterfuge).

I wax and wane with fashion trends, but now I'm fucking old and just don't give a damn. So it's nice to know that I'm "hip!" Guess I'll order those chili cheese fries.

Mayor? Hell, with this platform, Brad Pitt for motherfucking PRESIDENT.

Den of Geek lists the 25 Best Blockbuster Sequels of All Time. Some of their choices are a little dodgy, but it's hard to argue with their first and second selections from a geek perspective.

A cute and informative graphic of the 10 levels of communication intimacy.

Mental Floss says you can judge a book by its cover.

Top 20 shows cancelled by FOX before their time. C'mon y'all, what else would be number one? (And of these, I watched 17, was passionate about 12 and have 5 entire runs on DVD. Fuck your mother, FOX).

Pajiba looks at the Most Heinous Page to Screen Adaptations. Really hard to argue with any of these, though I enjoyed both Dresden Files and The Stand for what they were. I think another post should examine casting/writing/directing for a new version of The Stand, which should air on HBO/Showtime/Starz.

Oscar worthy horror movie performances.

I had bunk beds with Star Wars sheets. But DAYUM this is awesome. (And I always preferred the Y-Wing to the X-Wing. Not having this makes me feel like an abused child).

The 10 Greatest "Screaming Lines" in movies. You'll know more than you think.

Technology proves it - shut the fuck up Paula. (I can generally figure out who "looks beautiful up there" and "made it their own" without 4 minutes of incoherent babbling).

Hysterical parody of Gwyneth Paltrow's GOOP.

Speaking of shows FOX canceled, who wouldn't want this in their closet?

NFL predictions for all 32 times, as characters from Lost. (Perhaps my neighbors will wonder why I'm screaming "WAAAAAAAALLLLLT!!!!) during Sunday afternoons.

Times Online lists the 10 Most Historically Inaccurate Movies of All Time. (Basically, if you want the truth, don't involve Mel Gibson, though surprisingly, The Passion isn't on the list).

Great Vanity Fair read on Mad Men. (Coming back Sunday! Who else is psyched as hell? And how about that doubleheader -- True Blood and Mad Men back to back? Frakkin' awesome).

Kinda related, I had a twitter exchange with the estimable Mo Ryan (the Chicago Trib's TV critic) about True Blood, and offered the idea (which she seemed to agree with) that True Blood is very reminiscent of Syfy's cult classic Farscape. Inherently preposterous scenario about characters in a fantastical situation with over the top, operatic theatrics, but which is grounded (and made all the more enjoyable) by performances that take the material seriously and play it completely poker-faced. Both shows may have "campy" appeal, but they embrace yet also transcend that label because the people involved treat the show and characters with respect. Thoughts?

I'm always wary when a show adds a baby. But Dexter might be an exception:



7 Greatest Butlers in Nerdom.

It would have been out of place in Star Wars and The Empire Strikes Back, but wouldn't the other four movies have been significantly improved with this sequence?

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Finally, the epic conclusion of The Middleman never made it to the tube in a produced version. But the creator and cast did a table read at Comic-Con, which is now online in its entirety. If you were a fan, you owe it to yourself to watch it, because it's EPIC. The entire playlist can be found on youtube here, but here's the first part (of 7) to get you started:

TV Quickies

USA's In Plain Sight is a mildly entertaining diversion, but the best reason to watch that show continues to be the droll wit of Fred Weller's Marshall Mann sidekick. Oh, and the show's creator is leaving after this season, and doesn't sound exactly happy about it. At least he's taking Jinx with him.

Speaking of mildly entertaining summer diversions, I like the cast of Leverage, but can't for the life of me figure out Beth Riesgraf. She's either one of the worst actors on television who can't facially convey normal human emotions in any scene she's in, particularly when she's not the center of focus, OR she's absolutely brilliant, giving her somewhat mysterious and off kilter character perplexing line readings and throwing exaggeratedly muggy (and adorable) expressions from her visage.

The Dollhouse DVD is fantastic. "Epitaph One" is truly the mind-blowing revelation you've heard about, and pulls brilliant, heartbreaking performances out of everyone involved (especially Topher!). And the original pilot is much, much better than the aired pilot, with 100% less head-scratching hostage negotiation. The special features are entertaining, and similar to what you've seen on other Whedon discs. (I hope to catch the commentaries later this week).

I had a coupon for a free movie on DirecTV on demand, and used it on the third Underworld movie. If you're going to watch a silly, blue tinted movie about the emancipation of werewolves, it certainly helps to have thespians Michael Sheen and Bill Nighy around to chew scenery and class up the place a bit. (Pouty Rhona Mitra as an undead kickass princess doesn't hurt, either).

The Burn Notice finale was great, though I did think they wasted too much time this season with the woefully miscast Moon Bloodgood as Det. Paxson. Some online reaction was surprising, in that people complained (SPOILER) that Michael shot Strickler "in cold blood." First, Strickler had a gun on him, so it wasn't exactly "cold blood," and second, I was glad that Michael took direct action against a rather unsavory character. Too often on Burn Notice, the bad guys wind up arrested or humiliated or driven out of town. I think that someone with Michael's background wouldn't hesitate to put someone down if they needed putting down, unless the act itself interfered with completion of the mission or hampered his long term plans. And while he was killing things that needed killing, he could have shot all the Irish accents that came out of a community theatre production of Darby O'Gill and the Little People.

Similarly, I've been catching up on Bruce Campbell's one season cult classic Brisco County Jr., which is a trippy Wild Wild West like show combining frontier adventure with dollops of sci-fi (it was co-created by Lost EP Carlton Cuse, if that tells you something). It's a fun show, particularly for fans of The Chin, but I think at the time it might have played things for the kids too much, since hardly anyone ever gets shot - on a show full of bounty hunters and quick-drawing gunslingers.

I also decided to pick up some reruns of Sons of Anarchy on FX, and after the first two eps, I have to say it's quite intriguing. Don't know why I missed this first time around, but it shows quite a bit of promise.

Speaking of FX, I think I've mentioned this before, but I blazed through the entire series run of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and it's got to be one of subversively funniest things I've ever seen. It's absolutely, gloriously politically incorrect, and for that, I love its shriveled, dark heart.

Warehouse 13, SyFy's new (Bones + X-Files / The Librarian x Friday the 13th: The Series) show, gets better each and every week. It's really well cast and a lot of fun, though the writing (and plot machinations) could use some tightening.

So, Paula Abdul is off American Idol. To which I say, thank Zeus. Look, the other two chair fillers to Simon's right are just as inept. Randy is a self-absorbed ("Did you know I worked with Mariah, dawg? And I toured with Journey?") fountain of idiotic catch phrases ("for me, for you" "molten hot" "work it out" "aiight" "dawg") that doesn't do a think to elevate the contestant critiques. Given her background in the industry and CV, I had hopes for Kara. But whether it was her role as the "fourth wheel" on a panel that tended to drone on already (when it wasn't interrupted by witless audience reaction, wasting even more time in already overstuffed shows), the criminally incompetent directing and production that actually reduced the meaningful content of the shows (the singing) while allowing it to consistently bloat beyond all reason and fuck with DVRs all across America, or her own cosmic gift for malaprops (Studio 57, for example) and incoherence ("early" Aerosmith and "artistry"), she didn't exactly make a great first impression. Still, given a choice of whom to boot among Kara, Randy and Paula, I would have given Paula the pink slip. The former have more "credibility" on their actual resumes than Paula, a performer never known for her "vocals" (or production or songwriting) anyway. And I prefer my entertainment scripted if I want to watch someone strung out on pills (Greg House), verbally incomprehensible (Tracy Jordan) or endearingly supportive (Hurley). Personally, I would have wiped out all the judges sans Simon and started over, but hopefully, given the contract situations, that can be taken care of after next season. (Kara had a one year option picked up, and Randy is signed through next year). Almost anyone would be better. What about Elton John? Jody Watley? Susanna Hoffs? Or my personal choice, Harry Connick Jr. (mentioned back in a 2008 "how to fix Idol" post, along with some other fixes for common Idol problems). Initially the silver lining (inside of the gold lining of 86ing the less intellectually gifted half of the duo who sang "Opposites Attract") in all this was that we'd be back to a somewhat more streamlined panel of three, instead of the performance eradicating blight and bloat of four that submarined much of this last season. However, the producers have stated that they plan to press on with four judges in a yet to be determined fashion, whether it be with a permanent replacement or rotating guest judges (such as they're doing early on with Posh Spice and Katy Perry). Sigh.

Proof of a kind and benevolent deity

Esquire has a new photo shoot featuring the lovely and talented Christina Hendricks.

Most people these days know her as Joan, the poured into a dress queen bee of Sterling-Cooper's secretarial pool on Mad Men, but we Browncoats first noticed her as the duplicitous "Yo-Saff-Bridge" on Firefly (so monikered, because she showed up at various times as "Yolanda," "Saffron" and "Bridget" without ever giving her real name).

My google reader is also quite fond of the appropriately named "FUCK YEAH RED" tumblr, which is dedicated to posting photos of the adorable Ms. Hendricks.

Mad Men returns in a couple of weeks, and suddenly, I wanted to break out the DVDs to watch "Our Mrs. Reynolds" again.

Frakkin' good news for Dollhouse

With season 2 of Dollhouse starting production, and the recent Comic-con panel, lots of tidbits are spilling forth:

• The criminally underused Alexis Denisof (Wesley!) will be joining the show for several episodes.
• Amy Acker, who was cast in the new ABC production Happy Town, will still be appearing on Dollhouse for 3 episodes or so.
• Joss is talking about Summer Glau also making appearance, but nothing is final on that front yet.
• We'll see more snippets of Felicia Day, who appeared in the "lost" 13th episode, the stellar and haunting "Epitaph One."
• For a good interview with (versatile actors and bane of spellcheckers) Enver Gjokaj and Dichen Lachman, check out this Mo Ryan video from a recent TCA set visit.
  

Missing Battlestar Galactica? Well, we already have Helo as a regular on Dollhouse (and Romo Lampkin popping up occasionally, too). But Apollo and Saul Motherfucking Tigh are also making a visit. Jamie Bamber will guest on the first episode of the season, and word just broke that the incredible Michael Hogan will now guest on the second episode. Awesome, no?

Speaking of BSG, that show was named "Program of the Year" by the Television Critics Association last night. So Say We All.

I'll take potpourri for $6,600, Alex

Warning: Objects in this blog are closer than they appear.

Mark Sheppard, one of the best character actors on TV today (Badger! Tanaka! Manservant Neville! Romo Lampkin!) explains his plan to take over the world.

Oh dear lord. MUST HAVE. The Big Damn Serenity.

A fun look at some obscure Google logos.

Some gorgeous designs for the Nautilus. If you're rebooting 20,000 Leagues, you should start here.

Top 75 spaceships in movies and TV. Great list, with pictures!

15 Most atrocious movie accents. (of course Costner is on it).

Have we outgrown the need for "belief?"

Most CSI fans are happy about Sara returning and Riley leaving. I, however, am not among them. I can't stand Jorja Fox as an actress, and never liked the Sara character. I was hoping she would get stung by one of Gil's exotic insects in the jungle and die. And I was quite fond of Riley's quirky CSI and think Lauren Lee Smith is adorable. (Google her, safe search off, and most guys should agree).

Pop Candy brought back the "favorite R.E.M. song" topic this week, based on a Top 20 list from Paste. I've addressed this subject before, which you can find here, and I have to agree more with Whitney's list than the one from Paste. Plus, any list skips Chronic Town (Box Cars) AND has the accursed "Swan Swan H" at number three (on a list of "good" songs!) makes my head want to explode.

SI writer Jeff Pearlman takes on last week's SI cover boy, the carnival snake handling cult leader and pulpit pusher (and occasional fullback/awkward thrower of the ball) from Gainesville. I run hot and cold with some of Pearlman's opining, but I like this one. Here's a follow up.

Along similar lines, hypocrisy gets fatter. Yes, McMackin's comments were stupid, close-minded and thoughtless, no question. But for Weis, representing an organization that institutionalizes bigotry and actively seeks to prevent equal legal rights for people who differ philosophically with their myth-making, to take "offense" is vomit-inducing. Fittingly, that's about the only "offense" to come out of South Bend in quite some time.

Having trouble finding "original" television theme songs? I know I was, until I stumbled across this marvelous website. Kudos, sir.

A good list of 10 great sci-fi novels. (Needs Dune and Hitchhiker, though).

I'm more Libertarian and Objectivist than most, but this "How to succeed as an Ayn Rand character" flowchart cracks me up.

Two I like, two I don't

During a drunken, channel flipping binge, I got sucked into "1939" night on TMC, and wound up watching all of Gone With The Wind and Wuthering Heights. I couldn't help but notice that in the first picture, GWTW, you had complicated, prickly and somewhat self-absorbed lovers who to this day remain classic cinematic characters who still engender audience empathy no matter what their destructive motivations and machinations. On the later showing of WH, I was astounded at how completely unlikable both of the central characters were. Olivier and Oberon each offered entrancing performances of course, but I completely despised both Heathcliff and Cathy. I vaguely recall reading Bronte's novel in high school, and seeing the flick shortly thereafter, but damn if the movie didn't do either of them any favors. And it was directed by the legendary William Wyler, too. WTF? Does anyone else recall such a visceral dislike for these narcissistic, manic-depressive assholes?

Reconsidered: "Expose"

For more about "reconsidered," see this.

"Expose" is the 14th episode of the third season of Lost. It's also the episode that featured, and brought to a close, the story of Nikki and Paulo, two characters who were supposedly "in the background" the first two seasons.

Ask any Lost fan about their least favorite episodes, or the "worst" episodes, and "Expose" almost always comes up. (Not as frequently as the universally derided "Stranger in a Strange Land," but often enough to merit consideration here as a "reconsidered" feature). To put "Expose" in context, you have to understand what the producers were trying to do with Nikki and Paulo in the first place. Obviously, there were more survivors of the crash of Oceanic 815 than we, as viewers, saw in the regular and ongoing cast. They were typically represented by extras milling about in the background, and when it served the story, an actor would be cast to portray one of those additional survivors, such as what happened with Leslie "Doc" Arzt. Darlton wanted to bring two more of those background characters to the forefront, and in season three (beginning with "Further Instructions," though the actors were listed as part of the primary cast starting with the season premiere) we started seeing more of Nikki and Paulo, who were presumably there on the island with everyone else since the crash.

Despite casting two extremely attractive and capable actors, the fan reaction to Nikki and Paulo was not quite what team Darlton hoped for. Part of it was probably due to some of the overall malaise that infused season three as a whole (unfortunate split scheduling by ABC, producers still not knowing how long the show would last and trying to drag things out too far, momentum being stalled by the endless "Kate and Sawyer in the cage" story, etc.), but Nikki and Paulo's insertion into some of the island adventures was also less than elegant. Given the production schedule and break in the airdates, Darlton had time to assess the fan reaction to the characters, and truncate Nikki and Paulo's arcs, which come to a head in the episode "Expose."

For an episode focused on these two, it's interesting to note that very, very little occurs with Nikki and Paulo in the show's "real time." In fact, the only thing that happens in "the present" is Nikki running out of the jungle and face planting on the beach, before muttering something that the gang initially interprets as "plywood." Or "powerlines." Or "Paulo lies." The rest of the Nikki and Paulo story takes place via flashback, starting with the opening scenes of a stripping Nikki encountering a mysterious villain known as Mr. LaShade, played by Billy Dee Williams. (trivia: Mister LaShade? Anagram for "Dharma List"). Turns out this vignette is really just a scene from an episode of "Expose," a TV show in the Lost universe about strippers who fight crime, which Hurley says is "like Baywatch, only better." Nikki, an actress, was a guest star on the show, who was having an affair with the show's producer as part of a long con (with Paulo) to get at the producer's stash of $8 million in diamonds. These flashbacks show us the couple's growing distrust and insecurity once the diamonds were acquired (and lost in the crash, then found in the lagoon) filtered through several known island events.

Building an episode around the perspective of secondary characters is nothing new, and several genre series have done it with aplomb. For example, Star Trek:TNG did it with the classic episode "Lower Decks," X-Files did it with the Lone Gunmen characters (before they got their own short lived spinoff) and Angel did it with a very funny Harmony focused episode called "Harm's Way." (The Wolfram & Hart employee orientation video is worth the price of admission alone). So "background players stepping to the forefront" isn't exactly groundbreaking, and at the very least, it gave the producers a chance to effectively wrap up a truncated Nikki and Paulo story, and give us a very entertaining episode to boot.

Yes, I said "entertaining." While "Expose" won't go down in Lost lore as one of the best episodes ever, I think it accomplished what it set out to do, and provided some fun and laughs along the way.

Some of the amusing meta-commentary from "Expose:"

ZUKERMAN: Alright, that's a series wrap for Corvette! Let's hear it for Nikki!
[Most of the production crew clap and whistle.]
NIKKI: Thank you.
ZUKERMAN: Brilliant, Nikki. As always. You know, you don't need to die. We can bring you back next season.
NIKKI: [laughs] How?
ZUKERMAN: Well, let's say that, uh, Corvette was wearing a bullet-proof vest?
[Nikki pulls away her jacket to remind Zukerman that she is wearing nothing but a bikini underneath.]
ZUKERMAN: Bullet-proof breast!
NIKKI: [covering back up] Look, I'm just a guest star, and we all know what happens to guest stars.

Or this gem from Sawyer:

HURLEY: Dude.... Nikki's dead.
SAWYER: ... Who the hell's Nikki?

You also have the diamonds being hidden in a matryoshka (Russian nesting dolls), which itself is a commentary of the nature of the Lost plot, with riddles being encased in other riddles.

And...back to Sawyer:

HURLEY: [interrupts Sawyer with a shout] "Paulo lies"! That's what she said! "Paulo lies", not "power lines". "Paulo lies".
SAWYER: Who the hell's Paulo?

Then there's the flashback to Nikki and Paulo at the airport, where they encounter a squabbling Shannon and Boone:

NIKKI: Promise me we'll never end up like them.

Which of course, is funny, given what happens to both couples.

The producers also did a fantastic technical job of integrating Nikki and Paulo into the existing footage and scenes of "original" island events like the crash and subsequent beach confusion, and the "live together, die alone" speech.

In addition to the amusing meta-ness of many scenes from "Expose," we also had some plot advancement and interesting tidbits concerning our "regular" cast of characters:

• Charlie revealing to Sun that he had been responsible for her attack.
• The fascinating Juliet and Ben scene in the Pearl (which ostensibly explained how Paulo got a walkie talkie), where Ben lays out how he intends to play Jack into doing the surgery: "Same way I get anybody to do anything. I find out what he's emotionally invested in, and I exploit it."
• Ominous quotes from Locke: "Every man's entitled to his secrets Paulo." And "Things don't stay buried on this Island."
• Arzt's Orwellian declaration: "The pigs are walking!"
• Shannon complaining about the newly found guns, which have been kept secret from the rest of the gang by "Kate and her two boyfriends." Hee!
• Also, take a look at the screencap from the scene where Hurley is examining the Nikki's script for "Expose." Notice a familiar surname as part of the show's regular cast?

So while "Expose" wasn't "The Constant," it certainly wasn't "Stranger in a Strange Land," either. The creative team knew they had a problem on their hands (admittedly, a problem of their own making), and found an interesting, funny and somewhat tragic way to deal with it. For characters that weren't exactly beloved, it's still a pretty haunting and awful way to die, being buried alive side by side. With their diamonds, no less.

Nikki and Paulo may have been a mistake, but in my opinion, "Expose" wraps up their story in a taut, amusing episode that's a lot better than it's given credit for.

"Expose" Reconsidered: B+

Be still my heart

Check out this EW video interview with the cast of ABC's upcoming V reboot. (I would embed, but they only allow you to get linky).

Not only does this show look pretty damned good, but Elizabeth Mitchell continues to affirm my undying geek love for her. First, she's on this show (with everyone's favorite space hooker, Morena Baccarin). Next, in the interview, she talks about being a huge fan of Battlestar Galactica (the old one AND the new one!). And of course, she's been magnificent in a little thing called Lost.

Oh, and she made out with Angelina Jolie in Gia.

Okay, now where's Joan?

In a brilliant piece of marketing in anticipation of Mad Men's third season, AMC has teamed with illustrator Dyna Moe to allow you to "MadMenYourself."

In case you're unfamiliar with Moe's charming work, check out this set of Mad Men illustrations on Flickr.

Here's the result of my MadMenization:



For those of you who know me outside the interwebs, that's pretty damned close, no?

TV's reigning Emmy winner for Best Drama returns August 16th.

Sanford Stadium in Miniature

Having some time on my hands, I downed a fifth of whiskey, got my Roy Neary on, and painstakingly built a scaled model of Sanford Stadium in my living room, complete with 80,000+ tiny fans. Sure, it took a while to trim those wee hedges and hide all the microscopic flasks under the bleachers, but it looks good, no?

click to embiggen

Kidding. Actually, I just engaged in some "tilt shift miniature faking," but it would have been fun to build an entire stadium, right?

Emmy Noms out tomorrow

Emmy nominations will be announced tomorrow. I'll weigh in this weekend with my thoughts on the official nominees, but in case you missed my Emmy wishlists last month, you can check them out here:

Best Drama Series

Drama Lead Actor and Actress

Drama Supporting Actor and Actress

Best Comedy Series

Comedy Lead Actor and Actress

Comedy Supporting Actor and Actress

Looking back on those, there are some changes I'd probably make, based on "real" submissions (Terry O'Quinn, for example, didn't submit himself this year) and growing appreciation (one of my favorite things on TV now is Better Off Ted, and its cast is uniformly excellent). Any last minute suggestions from y'all?

I'll take potpourri for $6,500, Alex

A roundup of links, thoughts and ephemera. Now with no MSG added.

What would have happened on Pushing Daisies had it not been cruelly canceled?

Brilliant, funny baseball "charts." Must see.

Basketball trick shot artist. Starts out interesting, then gets downright unbelievable.

Countdown of the top 50 movie robots.

This football league probably doesn't believe that teh gays are allowed to be starters. And I assume they think football was created 6 years ago.

A look back at the first good dragon movie.

Just who I look to for my 911 conspiracy theories.

Blowjobs are for ugly girls. I think the photographic evidence says it all, really.

10 greatest "false deaths" in movies (SPOILERS AHOY).

EPSN SEC blogger lists his favorite conference stadiums.

15 sci-fi movie sequels that didn't suck.

15 movies that were almost turned into TV shows. (I would have loved a TV version of the mucho underrated Zero Effect or Buckaroo Banzai).

For some reason, this video clip makes me think of the 3rd and 4th Planet of the Apes movies:



80s movie action cliches: the witty retort!

Best spy tips from Burn Notice.

7 Star Wars characters who dropped the ball.

A thoughtful mega essay on how the Battlestar Galactica finale screwed the pooch. Related: all the things the "god" of BSG had to be "responsible" for. Also related: how does Katee Sackhoff feel about her role in the finale? (trivia: Katee auditioned for the female detective role in Castle!)

New Harry Potter movie out today! Here's a list of the Top 25 characters in the series. And sports related, a funny list of Potter lookalikes from the world of sports.

More fun than 3 hours of home runs

No, I didn't watch much of last night's Home Run Derby. I had it on in the background for a while, but really. THREE HOURS? And there's only so much Berman any man can take, before mixing up a cocktail of whiskey and antifreeze.

But if you want some fun with your baseball, check out Batting Stance Guy. If you follow baseball, or internet memes, you've probably seen some of his work. His self-proclaimed "least marketable skill in America!" is endlessly entertaining, and uncannily accurate. He made an appearance on Letterman last night:



Also, because I'm a homer, check out his take on a few Atlanta Braves:



For long time Braves fans, a few of those (Horner, Andruw) are LOL funny.

Revisit Disco Demolition Night and Make America Better

July 12th is the 30 year anniversary of the infamous "Disco Demolition Night" at Comiskey Park in Chicago, between games of a White Sox double header against the Tigers.

For those of you too young to remember, this was a time when the popular culture was beginning to turn on the relatively shallow, beat-filled phenomenon known as disco music, which probably reached its zenith following the 1977 release of Saturday Night Fever. (For the record, I was, and still am, a fan of disco. I guess it's the hip hop of the getting ready for jello and shuffleboard crowd. Sue me). In response to the growing antipathy toward disco, and the format change of local radio stations, an area DJ worked in conjunction with Mike Veeck (son of legendary promotional huckster and then Sox owner Bill Veeck) to come up with a marketing event that allowed fans in for 98 cents if they brought a disco record (remember those?) to the stadium to be destroyed in "protest" between games.

Well, the promotion worked entirely too well. The fans came to the stadium en masse, all smoked and liquored up. The records were collected in a box in center field and blown the fuck up with explosives. Fans poured onto the field, cops followed, riots ensued, fires were started, the field was destroyed, the stadium shook and the second game was forfeited.

It marked a turn in the zeitgeist of popular culture, when people just got fed up with what was being force fed to them by all their entertainment outlets.

Now, as I mentioned, I actually liked disco, though I appreciated it for what it was and certainly didn't turn to Lipps, Inc or KC and the Sunshine Band for the lyrical depth I could get from a Dylan record. There was a time and place for it, but I can certainly understand the frustration of audiophiles whose radio stations suddenly stopped playing Zeppelin, the Stones and Floyd in favor of The Village People. As the anniversary of this event rolled around, I wondered, what could be so odious today as to make me show up at a stadium, frothing at the mouth to watch metaphorical christians fed to the metaphorical lions? And then it dawned on me. What is the biggest plague on the entertainment landscape today? REALITY TV.

Think of the parallels. Does is substantively dumb down another similar form of entertainment? Yes. Once it became popular, did the market flood with cheap knock offs that people lapped up without even considering the quality? Yes. Is it an affront to craftsmen who strive mightily to produce top shelf, written and thought provoking material? Yep. Does it succeed with the masses while more intelligent and artfully constructed offerings struggle to find an audience? You betcha. Does looking at the Top 20 produce a throbbing in your temples that can only be relieved by an act of wanton, bloodthirsty violence? Oh, yeah.

I suggest that some enterprising baseball marketing guru commemorate the anniversary of "Disco Demolition Night" with a similar promotion: "Reality Rampage Night."

Between games of a double header, the promoters would wheel out onto the field a wagon full of reality "stars," all chained together. The Kardashians. All the "real" housewives. Jon and Kate. Denise Richards. Paris Hilton. The vapid trollops and himbos from The Hills and its spinoffs. Supernannies. Anyone who has ever participated in a "rose ceremony." Anyone who has participated in a hot tub three way in order to further their "personal brand." Anyone who thinks having their "relationship" beamed into our homes doesn't make us want to stretch a condom over our widescreen. Anyone who has ever seen Bret Michaels or Flavor Flav naked. If you've been on television, the cover of US Weekly and are famous for having no discernible talent, skills, taste or intellect, you're on the chain gang. Also included are any and all television executives responsible for greenlighting these shows.

For admission to the ballpark, fans can purchase a 98 cent ticket provided they bring with them an Irish car bomb, a pitchfork, a chainsaw, a Molotov cocktail, a blunderbuss, a trident, nunchucks, a mace, a flamethrower or ninja throwing stars. Free 24 oz. tallboy beers are served to every fan who shows a DVD of an actual television program featuring a script, acting and directing. A recording of Harry Carey counting down "a-one, a-two, a-three" readies the crowd for the attack, and then the angry mob of scripted television fans descends upon the clueless, vapid morons chained together and rends them limb from limb. An announcement comes over the stadium speakers, the mob backs away, and the cancerous tumor toxifying our programming is finally excised as a series of explosives planted in center field finishes the job, blowing the "reality" pestilence into a fine red mist.

Surely this would be more satisfying, healthy and cathartic for the nation than burning a couple of Peaches and Herb records, right? Who's with me?!

Wait, what is this again?

A genre movie that isn't based on a toy. Or a comic book. Or a TV Show. Or a breakfast cereal. Or isn't a sequel. Or a reboot. (though Zeus knows I loved me some JJ Abrams Trek this summer). A completely original idea? What's is the world coming to!



This looks fanfuckingtastic, no?

Dollhouse sneak peek

The Dollhouse season 1 DVD (I love saying "season 1" and not "entire canceled series") will be shipping later this month, and it contains the never aired episode "Epitaph One."

It was produced for the DVD release to fulfill production commitments, and not originally intended to air on FOX, so no one has yet seen it (though it will get an airing at the upcoming Comic-Con). For the shows I care about, I've tried to avoid spoilers, but some of the particulars about "Epitaph One" have made their way into the geek infostream, and I've absorbed some (turn away now if you don't want to know ANYTHING about the episode) of the basics: the lovely and talented Felicia Day is a guest star, and the episode takes place in a somewhat dystopian future. Most of the regulars will appear in some fashion, and it was directed by Joss and written by Jed Whedon and Maurissa Tancharoen (from a story by Joss).

Today, a sneak peek found its way into the wild, and I have to say I'm.....intrigued. It doesn't give away much of the plot, but does provide a glimpse of a character that seems a little different from when we last saw them. Hmmmm. If you want to peep it for yourself, I think you can see it here.

Many thanks...

...to all of y'all passing along birthday wishes, via a variety of interwebby conduits, earlier this week.

Happy Independence Day.

Flickchart Learnings, Part the First

Surely all of y'all of have become obsessed with movie ranking site flickchart, right?

If not, get thee there, nowish. And look me up, too.

In going through my rankings, I continue to learn things about my movie tastes:

• I still subscribe to the "favorite" vs. "best" philosophy when ranking. And though the rankings don't quite reflect it yet, I'm beginning to think that my "favorite" movies -- the ones I find eminently rewatchable and enjoyable -- are Empire Strikes Back, Aliens and Raiders of the Lost Ark. When those come up against anything, there's simply no other choice.
  
• I really can't stand Jim Carrey, with the notable exception of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, which is an alltime classic. I have a visceral reaction to seeing his mug pop up on a poster, and almost immediately want to click anything that comes up on the other side. I just don't find the rubber faced, over the top histrionics funny at all.
• What was the last great comedy? Most of the ones I choose are older, like Animal House, Airplane, Caddyshack and Monty Python. Shaun of the Dead? Pixar? Yep, those are toward the top of the list, but are more "genre fusion" than just a pure, make you laugh comedy.
• I don't really like horror movies. Suspense, yes. Horror? Not so much, unless it's an "alien" flick, The Exorcist or Scream.
• The newest films in my top 50? The new Trek, The Dark Knight (which I've watched no less than 4 times in the last week or so since it's been on HBO) and Ratatouille.

What are you learning?

I'll take potpourri for $6,400, Alex

Top 10 Reasons why Trek is suddenly cool. (And none of those have anything to do with "Spock's Brain.")

Frak my life. Just read it and giggle.

Rating Woody Allen's films, from 1 - 40. Nice rankings, though personally, I'd put Annie Hall at #1. And probably have Bullets Over Broadway and Vicky Christina Barcelona higher. And Stardust Memories lower. Related: 10 Woody Allen proxies. Yeah, Celebrity was not up to snuff, but damn if Branagh didn't perfectly channel the Woodman.

I clipped this story about John Ensign and his hypocrisy on the whole ridiculous "defense of marriage" bullshit last week. And that was before another married with kids bible thumping nutjob jetted off Argentina to schtup his mistress. Yes, Sanford rejected the "stimulus package" because he was already getting his package stimulated. Haaaay-yooo.

Star Trek cakes. How cool are those? Here's an expanded look.

Are these the best sci-fi cliffhangers?

Hysterical! Michael Bay's keyboard.

Novel idea for sneaking booze into a ballgame.

The Madden ratings for the Atlanta Falcons.

Another TNRLM twitter suggestion shows up in the wild.

Interview with the delightful Julie Benz. I didn't realize she originally also read for "Deb" on Dexter.

Fantastic gallery of spaceships on io9.

Count down the Top 70 Marvel Comics covers ever. Definitely worth a look if you're a comic geek.

I know he was from Florida, and went to college at Tennessee, but somewhere along the way, didn't Travis Henry ever learn about condoms? Hell, the "pull out" method would seem to be more successful.

Highlights from the recent Bear McCreary BSG concert. Awesome.

Pop Quiz, Hotshot: famous TV homes. (I got 80%, BTW).


Great article on how the "standard" MLB camera angle is so misleading. Yes, the "off center" approach composes a better picture, especially in the widescreen era, but dead center certainly gives you a better idea about the pitches.

Did anyone else know there was a "University of Andy" web supplement to Weeds? Here Andy explains how to hold your liquor.

Are these the 10 most polarizing films of the last decade? Certainly a solid list, and think I wind up on the "pro" side of most of these.

Interview with Hope Davis, who was so mesmerizing on In Treatment this year.

IFC put together a list of the 50 greatest movie trailers of all time (with clips). Also, while I couldn't find a link to the actual list with clips, preeminent movie magazine Empire also assembled a similar list a while back.

Did Ayn Rand want Farrah to play Dagny Taggert? (Still waiting on an Atlas Shrugged flick, and I think Angelina or Rachel Weisz would make a great Dagny).

The dangers of quitting smoking.

Supernatural casts their Lucifer. Great choice, but I wonder what this means for Lost?

Doctor Who returns tonight! Alan Sepinwall talks to Russell Davies, and Mo Ryan chats with David Tennant.

Grieving for Two

But not the two you might think.

Yes, I'm aware of yesterday's double whammy of celebrity passings. And yes, like everyone of my generation, I have an abundance of memories related to both Farrah and MJ. I had the iconic poster on my wall, of course. Watched Charlie's Angels. Went to see Saturn 3, being both a fan of hot chicks with feathered hair and sci-fi (and being terribly disappointed -- what an AWFUL movie. So awful, they completely dubbed Harvey Keitel's entire vocal performance). Listened to the Jackson 5. Had the "Off The Wall" and "Thriller" records (and still think the high points of "OTW" are higher than those of "Thriller"). Remember being in college and everyone congregating around a TV in the common dorm areas when MTV's on the hour showing of the John Landis "Thriller" video would play. (Remember "videos" showing on MTV and not vapid whores?)

So yeah, I was sad about that. But for some reason, seeing an animal pass away on film gets to me every time. Not necessarily in the uncomfortable way of the ox in Apocalypse Now, but more when a beloved pet shuffles off the mortal coil. I can't explain it. I'm not a crazy vegan and not about to go throw blood on the grand opening of a new KFC. But for whatever way I'm wired, Old Yeller made me cry far more than Brian's Song (though of course, that made me squirt a few also).

I bring this up, because Monday's The Closer just killed me. It was a very solid episode, with a great turn from a bitchy Mary McDonnell as a Internal Affairs officer, but Fritz and Brenda came to the resolution that their beloved Kitty wasn't going to make it. That ending scene with Brenda lying on the couch, arms around a sickly, purring and meowing Kitty just wrecked me. To make matters worse, I've been catching up on some Futurama episodes I've missed, and that same evening, what was waiting for me on the TiVo? The heartbreaking classic "Jurassic Bark," which revolves around Fry's "past" dog Seymour. Those final 30 seconds or so of that ep left me sobbing like an infant.

Maybe it's getting caught up in the emotional narrative of the story. Or perhaps because I think that one of my "kids" isn't doing that well. Whatever the reason, I'm glad that double dip in the pool of pet mortality is over, and I can go back to enjoying watching vampires, Cylons, stormtroopers, redshirts and other fake "people" die for my entertainment and fondly recalling the pop culture contributions of real people who are no longer with us.

Reconsidered: "Spock's Brain"

For more about "Reconsidered," see this.

"Spock's Brain," the first episode of Star Trek: The Original Series third and final season, is universally recognized as the worst episode of the show ever produced. Is it? Let's reconsider...

We open as the Enterprise encounters an unusual looking ship being powered by an ion drive. Before contact can be established, a mysterious woman beams aboard the Enterprise, presses a button on her wristband, and renders all 400+ crewmen aboard the ship unconscious. When they start to wake up, Kirk realizes Spock isn't on the bridge, and the captain is called to sickbay by McCoy. Spock is on a on bed in sickbay, and the good doctor tells Kirk:



Hammy acting that would embarrass day players in a telenovela ensues, and Kirk decides to high tail it around the universe looking for Spock's brain. McCoy helpfully explains that due to Vulcan physiology, Spock can survive without his brain (!) for 24 hours. The crew follows ion trails around for 16 hours, before coming to a system with three class M planets. Kirk holds an informal staff meeting.

First Officer's Brain is Missing Agenda:

1. Review agenda items
2. Give overcooked voiceover about time remaining before Spock's body can no longer function without its brain.
3. Discuss implications of ion trailing and excessive voiceovering only leaving crew with time to visit one planet.
4. Give Uhura something to do (which helpfully, is a suggestion that the least developed planet is emanating strange energy pulses).
5. Play hunch on which planet to visit.
6. Review meeting notes (which includes "develop Starfleet procedures for stolen brains" and "how to not look embarrassed in front of the camera when discussing stolen brains")
7. Adjourn.

Kirk and a landing party beam down, and get attacked by some primitive local inhabitants. Kirk questions one, and because he's Kirk, instantly starts asking where the chicks are. The local doesn't seem to understand the concept of a "mate," (much to the chagrin of the bulge in Kirk's pants) and runs off. Chekov finds a cave, which leads to a buried city. Kirk calls McCoy, who beams down, with Spock, wearing a headset, which allows McCoy to, no shit, move him around by remote control like a Vulcan Roomba.

In the city, they encounter "the others," a bunch of hot chicks in miniskirts and thigh high boots, who have the mentality of small children. Spock's disembodied brain reaches Kirk and company via communicator, but the gal who originally beamed on the Enterprise shows up and renders everyone unconscious (again). When the gang wakes up, they are fitted with silver belts that cause pain when those wearing them don't do what they're told. Kirk asks the hot chick in charge about Spock's brain, and she responds:

"Brain and brain, what is brain?"

It turns out, Spock's brain has been put into a "controller," which is used to regulate the planet's systems, since the race of dimwits here has forgotten how to take care of themselves. And just how did these morons remove a brain? Glad you asked. There's a spiky helmet called "the teacher," which grants the wearer enough temporary brilliance to quickly remove a brain, without leaving a scar or disturbing the haircut. Our heroes make their way to the control room where Spock's brain is being kept, but are stopped by the hot chick in charge, who activates their pain belts. The crew melodramatically rolls around some, but Kirk activates the Vulcan Roomba, and Vegetable Spock grabs the chick's control bracelet, presses a button, and the belts fall off. Hot chick explains the brain removal process, and dons the spiky hat to prove it. Suddenly, she doesn't sound a functionally retarded cast member of "The Real Housewives of Sigma Draconis VI," and points a phaser, (set to kill!) at Kirk. Kirk tries to reason with her, but she's having none of it. Then Scotty pretends to faint -- faint! -- and evidently, the spiky hat only grants so much intelligence, because she falls for it, and Kirk grabs the phaser. She won't restore Spock's brain to the Vulcan Roomba, so McCoy dons the spiky hat and will do the surgery himself. Oddly, someone who was a trained Starfleet doctor before the knowledge transfer can't do the transplant as quickly as a miniskirted rutabaga, and McCoy starts to panic. Fortunately, Spock's vocal cords are connected, so he walks McCoy through the final steps of the procedure, and sits up, instantly healed. Spock then gives a lecture on the history of the planet, and how their genders separated. Kirk tells the hot chick they'll have to tough it out without a brain in the controller, and suggests they go to the surface of the planet to get laid (and take turns using the spiky hat so they're not all morons). Then, he tries to turn Spock "off" using the remote control, and everyone laughs. End.

So, does "Spock's Brain" deserve its reputation? Oh, lord yes it does. Not only is it by far the worst episode of Trek, it may be one of the worst episodes of television I've ever seen. The problem's with Trek's third season were legion. The budget, already tight to begin with, was cut even further. The show was moved to the Friday night "death slot." Because of the late renewal, scripts weren't prepared in advance. (Though to be fair, there were still some outstanding eps produced in this season, even as it was hit and miss overall, and "Spock's Brain" was first out of the gate, leaving little time for developing a quality script). Gene Roddenberry knew that this would be the last season of the show, and basically checked out entirely, leaving things to a new producer. Cast divisions were growing, and some of the series longstanding writers departed for greener pastures. Still, given all that, there's no way something this awful should have even been filmed.

There are some interesting sci-fi concepts here, superficially. A society so run down and used to not thinking for itself that it becomes populated with brain atrophied imbeciles. Gender division that causes a breakdown in planetary growth. A Starfleet officer kidnapped and used for his expertise and mental prowess to save a diminished civilization. But the merging of the three ideas is so haphazard and stupefyingly pasted together that it's an incoherent mess, baked with terrible dialogue and frosted with unnecessarily (even for Trek) overwrought performances. And the resolution? Yes, they get Spock's brain neatly back into his head, and he hops up seconds later with no ill effects. They share a laugh, and basically tell the planet that they are fucked and leave. (Not that brain kidnappers truly deserve any special Starfleet considerations, but still, tonally, it's terrible).

Other than pure camp value, and to see just how bad a legendary and groundbreaking show can be at its rock bottom worst, there is absolutely nothing to recommend here.

"Spock's Brain" Reconsidered: F

Off suicide watch, for now

Well, today's visit from the DirecTV dude was certainly more productive than the previous one. As you will recall, the other guy said there was not much that could be done. This guy, however, was friendly, creative and responsive to the customer and his tremulous DTs and need for his smack beamed down from above. A minor reconfiguration and relocation of the dish, and voila! TV nirvana once again.

In my previous decade plus with DirecTV, I've always had pleasant experiences with field staff. My friend Freebird told me of mixed experiences with them, which surprised me. But in the last couple of years, I've seen that hit and miss quality myself. When I was getting the hook up last year, the first guy said it couldn't be done, yet the second guy worked his ass off to make me happy. Same thing this time. The first guy acted like he would have to put a pole and dish in the middle of the street to make it work (I would have gladly agreed, and told the traffic to just drive the fuck around, cuz we gots priorities), but the gentleman today was willing to do what it takes to keep me happy and find a solution.

All in all, I didn't miss much that I can't catch elsewhere, and as Commentor Scott pointed out in my previous post, thank Crom this didn't happen during season finale week. If it had happened prior to the Lost finale, it would have looked like the Tate-LaBianca murders around these parts.

Hey, I think I'll go watch some TV.

Obama not fit to be President

He didn't know the name of Conan's deity, nor could he answer three "simple" Dune trivia questions. For shame.

I keed, I keed.

Regardless of where you fall on the political spectrum, if you're a nerd, you have to at least be heartened by Big O's proud embrace of his geeky background. (The man gave Leonard Nimoy the Vulcan salute!)

And you'll also enjoy Nerd High Priest John Hodgman's performance at the Radio and Television Correspondents Dinner:



Obviously, I'd feel better about things if the man with the keys to the launch codes knew what a "thumper" was, or the purpose of the "water of life," but at this point, why quibble.

I've decided that I hate trees

Longtime readers might recall the living hell I went through a year or so ago trying to finally get my beloved DirecTV with TivVo connected in the new digs. (Quick sampling here). Long story short:

• Management promised I'd have a perfect view of the sky for the dish.
• Signed papers, had furniture moved from another state.
• Installers came, said my balcony missed the view of the satellite bythismuch.
• Much complaining to everyone.
• Got waiver from management, got a more creative install crew, who installed the dish on a pole 3 stories down and ran the cables up wall and in.
• DirecTV bliss.
• Until Tuesday.

I noticed my signal strength diminishing last weekend, until Tuesday, when it got so low I couldn't get reception at all. Thought it might be the multiswitch. Replaced the multiswitch, and it had no effect. Called for service, and today they come to visit and tell me it wasn't a mechanical problem, but rather a foilage and sightline problem:

click to embiggen

The technician told me there wasn't anything he could do, but that his manager would come out either tomorrow or Tuesday for a second opinion. I'm no satellite expert, but it would seem there could be a few possible solutions:

1. First guy was wrong, and we can get it working without too much trouble.
2. We find a way to trim the branches on the tree in the foreground (how? I have no ladder nor any clippers), and hope the tree across the street isn't the problem.
3. We get a longer pole, and hope raising the height of the dish works.
4. We move the dish to another location, providing we can find one on this tiny copse of grass, with an unobstructed view of the sky, and hope A. management doesn't bitch about it, and B. we can sufficiently bury the cable so that the maintenance crew doesn't chop it half when groundskeeping.
5. I give up and kill myself.
6. I call Comcast and retreat back into the dark ages of dysfunctional and undependable cable and their Commodore Vic 20 ripoff of the real, true god TiVo.
   

Now, seeing as I have 400+ blog labels relating to "television," you might correctly surmise that the tube is VERY FUCKING IMPORTANT. The past few mights, I've watched programs previously recorded. I've watched DVDs. I've read books. I've listened to podcasts. Early this morning, I watched last night's Burn Notice on Hulu (and of course, starting next week, online showings go to a 7 day delay). But this can't go on forever. Despite it being the summer TV season, there's still good and must watch stuff on, not even including news and sports, and all the dinero I paid last year for the privilege of watching the Braves get their asses handed to them nightly via MLB Extra Innings. I did everything the "right" way and played by the book. Taking my television and my TiVo is like taking my air. Or my whiskey. Or my coffee. Or my ciggies. This can go no further. The line must be drawn here.



In searching for that clip, I ran across this one, which is completely unrelated, but just made me giggle:



We'll know in a day or three how this all turns out, but if you see a story on the news (assuming, you haven't been fucked in the ass by the miraculous growth spurts of neighborhood trees and can actually watch TV) about a killing spree, where the perp had a handgun in one fist and a useless satellite dish in the other, you can probably figure out what happened.

Unless of course, the trees read this blog post and decide to get me first. Then I can stare indifferently into space like a constipated monkey, just like Mark Wahlberg.

The apocalypse is nigh

Fortunately, I've already made out a valid will. If you don't see a blog post for a while, someone break in, step over the rotting corpse, and give the cats a good home.

He'll be back, too

Today is the 15 year "anniversary" of the infamous O.J. Simpson white Bronco "chase" that mesmerized and horrified a national viewing audience.

We all know how things turned out for "the Juice."

Since I usually blog about things trivial and geeky, here's the sadly ironic factoid that always seems too impossible to be true:

When James Cameron was developing the original Terminator movie, he initially thought of the unstoppable killing machine from the future as a "normal" looking guy, who could blend in with his targets (much like Robert Patrick would in the sequel). His first choice was Lance Henrickson, with whom he had just worked on Piranha II. The studio vetoed that casting, though Henrickson was added to the film in another role. A second choice was none other than O.J. Simpson, but Cameron did not think "such a nice guy could be a ruthless killer."

Too bad Sarah Connor and Kyle Reese weren't around in Brentwood.

I'll take potpourri for $6,300, Alex

What a real warp capable ship would look like.

TWOP is kicking off the Tubeys!

Torchwood Season 4 is ready to go, after this summer's 5 part miniseries. (I've missed you, Gwen).

Brennan is unlikely to get knocked up on Bones next season. Thank Zeus! After that clusterfuck of a finale, an out of character and preggo Bones might have driven the show from the Season Pass list.

A well crafted and slightly sympathetic "retro review" of Trek's worst movie, The Final Frontier.

A list of the 15 best sci-fi cliffhangers.

Intrepid Dawg Chronicler David Hale took twitter questions for Coach Richt. You'll see a familiar handle on the list of questioners, though sadly, I didn't get the answer I wanted.

Anyone see these pictures of Heather Graham and think of Marty Feldman? (Hint: it's not about her eyes).

Joss tells EW that Dollhouse will be back with a vengeance

Great list of sci-fi composers.

And then the Lord said, "show your cooter to the masses."

Did y'all hear about this fucking freaky Final Destination situation regarding an almost passenger on Air France 447? Spooky.

NPR assembled a list of the least appropriate wedding songs. Jezebel added a few, too.

Anthony Stewart Head talks about Ripper, Merlin and Buffy.

What words to we look up most often on dictionary.com? Related, what words do online readers of the NY Times look up?

Are these the top 10 lines from Ghostbusters (which is doing surprisingly well in my flickchart rankings, BTW. And has Sigourney Weaver ever looked better than in this movie? This "subcreature" will step right up, thankyouverymuch).

Something here rhymes with "funt."

Lita Ford will be played by the "mama" of the Cylons in the new Runaways movie.

Shia LaBouf no longer interested in playing Yorick Brown in the Y: The Last Man movie. Whew, we dodged one there. Not a fit for me at all. Does he bother everyone else? How about Anton Yelchin? Or Joseph Gordon Levitt? Ryan Reynolds, if younger, would have been PERFECT. Also, even moreso than Watchmen, Y is much better suited to an HBO or Showtime miniseries than a movie. If you haven't yet read Y, get thee to a comic book store (or bookstore) NOW.

Are these the 52 best natural racks of all time? And while it's not exactly "natural," enjoy the fact that Xtina doesn't really care for undergarments.

Televisionary chats with Virtuality co-creator Michael Taylor.

Honest network taglines. Hee!

Jezebel ponders the fact that Sienna Miller gets another Vogue cover. Also, modern feminists are very against the concept of "slut shaming." (While I consider myself very pro-feminist, I have mixed feelings about that third wave tenet, for lots of personal reasons and experiences. Still, is it out of bounds to "shame" an English trollop who's very clearly humping and frolicking nakedly for the paparazzi with a married man who has kids back home?) Granted, Sienna was kind of cute on Keen Eddie, but GI Joe looks like a steaming pile of shit.

Very funny "embarrassing celebrity red carpet moments." Just click it and giggle.

11 terminally typecast actors.

Earth gets billion year life extension. Whew. Guess I won't worry too much about driving an SUV or recycling.