Double your sexy

So, I'm sitting at home last night, swallowing fistfuls of cold & flu pills, and washing them down with whiskey, while snacking on Cheez-It Duoz and watching a kick-ass episode of Community (really, if you haven't seen it, go watch it now). I started thinking about the delightful combination of flavors in the Cheez-It Duoz (the Sharp Cheddar/Parmesan is spectacular, as is the Smoked Cheddar/Monterey Jack) and the delightful combination of sexiness on my screen in the personages of Britta and Annie.

Are they the hottest "Duoz" on TV today? Hmmm. I started jotting down a few ideas, and realized this was not exactly clear cut. So I assembled my initial list, with the only restrictions being:

1. From a program currently on the TV schedule for 2010 (or else I could wind up with a three page summary of Whedon shows), and...
2. The people in question have to be part of the main cast, or a recurring guest star (and not a one-shot guest star).
   

Then, I realized I needed to be an equal opportunity ogler, and reached out to my distaff counterpart, a fellow TV junkie, to get her thoughts on a XX version of the Duoz list. Her suggestions started with Supernatural, which, as she says, "never fails to give her a lady boner," and also contained some interesting and less obvious choices. I augmented that with some ideas of my own, and VOILA! A list of TNRLM's Sexiest TV Duoz!

But what fun is it to just tell you what I think? I've put our suggestions into two polls where you, loyal TNRLM readers, can weigh in, and tell us what YOU think. If I didn't include Duoz that makes the blood run swiftly to your nether regions, then choose "Other" and offer up your suggestions in the comments.

No fake sex for me. I'll just stick to the fake killing.

According to a report at Deadline Hollywood, actor Neal McDonough was fired from the upcoming ABC series Scoundrels because he refused to do intimate or sexual scenes of any kind.

There are a LOT of things wrong with this story.

First, his scenes were to be with Virginia Madsen, an Oscar nominated actress who is hot as hell. Huh?

Second, his objection was based on the fact that he is "a family man and a catholic." Huh? I won't get into the usual science and logic about myths and fairy tales and superstitions. But what in the name of a merkin does that have to do with "acting?" He's not carrying on an affair with Madsen, which just happens to be filmed. Or actually fucking her, therefore breaking his marriage vows, in front of a bunch of cameramen and PAs, in a bedroom which only has three walls and no ceilings. See, because just like that bedroom is pretend, and not real, so is the sex and intimacy. I doubt Scoundrels is a prime time remake of The Brown Bunny.

Third, while some might view McDonough's moral, family and religious objections as admirable, what's he's objecting to can be somewhat selective. Remember his last major TV role, as Dave Williams on Desperate Housewives? There, he strangled a dude and burned his body, starting a nightclub fire, which he later blamed on one of the Scavo's rugrats. He tried to shoot Katherine with a hunting rifle, and later attempted to strangle her. That plan didn't work, so he then set his sights on killing Susan's kid, MJ. So....to sum up: "fake sex" is verboten and objectionable. "Fake murder" of women and children? A-OK!

Take a look at some of Neal's other roles:

• He was in the catastrophically awful Linday Lohan "amputee stripper" movie!
• He was a serial killer in an awful Al Pacino flick.
• He was a casino owning meth dealer in the Walking Tall remake.

You get the idea. Those things are all fine and "moral," but pretending to make out with Virginia Madsen is where he draws the line.

Whenever McDonough popped up in a role, I always enjoyed his performances. He brought depth and intensity to projects like Minority Report, Band of Brothers and Boomtown. Now, when I see him, all I'll think is "fucking moron."

Also, this:

Proof of a kind and benevolent deity

Esquire has a new photo shoot featuring the lovely and talented Christina Hendricks.

Most people these days know her as Joan, the poured into a dress queen bee of Sterling-Cooper's secretarial pool on Mad Men, but we Browncoats first noticed her as the duplicitous "Yo-Saff-Bridge" on Firefly (so monikered, because she showed up at various times as "Yolanda," "Saffron" and "Bridget" without ever giving her real name).

My google reader is also quite fond of the appropriately named "FUCK YEAH RED" tumblr, which is dedicated to posting photos of the adorable Ms. Hendricks.

Mad Men returns in a couple of weeks, and suddenly, I wanted to break out the DVDs to watch "Our Mrs. Reynolds" again.

Marla Singer is one thing, a monkey is another

How hot does someone have to be for you to suffer through their movie? We all have our "celebrity crushes" or "Top 5" lists. (And of course, being the OCD that I am, TNRLM has an actual "list" on the CrackBerry, albeit one much longer, and probably more obscure, than 5). And it's a wonderful thing when your chosen hotties appear in high quality and/or entertaining flicks. That way, you can indulge your crush and see them on the silver (or small) screen, all while appreciating the surrounding flick as a work of art. For example, I've always had a crush on Diane Keaton. And it certainly doesn't "hurt" when I watch The Godfather or Annie Hall, because those are all-time pantheon movies. Or for a relatively more contemporary reference, Carrie Anne Moss is hot. And The Matrix is a modern sci-fi classic. No problem watching that. But what kind of crap will you put up with just to see a crush for 90 minutes or so?

I thought about this last night while I was flipping channels, and got caught up watching two different movies, featuring list designates) that really pushed the limits of my quality movie watching endurance. First up was Doomsday, starring Rhona Mitra. Now granted, I have a lower quality threshold for genre flicks. This was a Mad Max meets 28 Days Later mashup, with a dash of cannibalism thrown in for good measure, that featured lots of groan-inducing dialogue and people with mohawks. But Rhona? HOT. But that was nothing compared to what was on another channel, schlock-meister Uwe Boll's adaptation of the videogame BloodRayne. Sure, it sounds like it might offer some passable entertainment: Kristanna Loken as a half-human, half-vampire seeking vengeance on a vampire king played by Oscar winner Sir Ben Kingsley. Okay, "passable" might be stretching it, but how bad could it be? Turns out, downright shitastic. Quite possibly one of the worst movies I've ever seen. But I flipped back and forth between the two until the gory end of both. Glutton for punishment? Bored and horny? Too many glasses of wine? Nothing else on? Perhaps all the above. However, Rhona and Kristanna were on "the list," so I watched.

Now, I wouldn't have rushed to the theatre and plopped down $10 for the privilege of watching these cinematic disasters, but when you have hundreds of channels at your disposal, and you're all caught up on your TiVo, was it really that bad? (And obviously, we're wading into the shallow end of the pool here. There's nothing wrong with Angelina in Gia or Girl Interruped, or Kate Winslet in just about anything, from a quality movie perspective). Surely there's some underlying formula to this madness. So I thought about it, and came up with the "Hottie/Movie Quality Quadrant Analysis." If you rate both the hotness of your celebrity crush (in purely subjective terms) and the quality of the movie on scales of 1 - 10, and put it on a standard four quadrant grid, you can see more of what I'm talking about:



Green means that you're dealing with a total celebrity crush in a top flight movie, and you can watch (and even purchase the DVD) and feel good about it.
Yellow means proceed with caution. Either the movie is an all time classic (and/or expertly executed piece of cinema), OR you're dealing with someone you find on the upper tier of your hotness scale. The hotter the hottie, the more you're willing to put up with.
Red means that you might have a great movie on your hands, with no hotness present (think The Shawshank Redemption or 2001: A Space Odyssey), OR that someone is pegging the top range of the hottie-meter and you just might suffer through a movie that appears to be similar in quality to something you shot in your backyard with a Super 8 camera when you were 12, though probably without the tall busty bisexual in tight leather and fangs. (The above-mentioned BloodRayne would fall in this category, of course. Plotted on the graph as 9 and 0.25. I think you can figure out the axes).

So, using some of TNRLM examples:

• Scarlett Johansson in Lost in Translation or Vicky Christina Barcelona? Definitely Green. ScarJo in The Island? Red to Yellow (probably orange).
• Helena Bonham Carter in Wings of the Dove or Fight Club? Great movies. And I think I want to marry Marla Singer. Helena Bonham Carter in monkey makeup for Tim Burton's Planet of the Apes remake? A challenge.
• Grace Kelly in Hitchcock movies? Total green all the way.
• Kate Beckinsale in the Underworld movies? Her hotness definitely makes up for the schlockiness. A razor sharp bob and black leather can overcome a lot of bad special effects and wooden scripting. Same with Angelina Jolie in the otherwise terrible Lara Croft films.
• Carla Gugino in everything. Being number 1 in the TNRLM list, I will watch her in anything, though I'd prefer it be something like Watchmen or Sin City, rather than Rise (but yeah, I watched that too).
• On the other side of the coin, I never got the "hot appeal" of Katherine Hepburn, though she's admittedly an absolutely terrific actress. So she was elevated by The Philadelphia Story, for example.
• Or Katherine Heigl. From everything I read about her, I find her particularly annoying (though she does smoke, which is good). And I loathe Grey's Anatomy. But I actually found myself watching parts of 27 Dresses the other day, because yes, she's hot (and also because it featured the delectable Judy Greer).
• God knows how many by the numbers boring thrillers I sat through featuring Ashley Judd. But yeppers, I watched 'em. Though it was much better to enjoy her, and a great movie, in Heat.

So what about you? How far will you go with your movie watching to indulge your celebrity crushes? What's the worst flick you've watched featuring a "lister?" Surely some female readers have suffered through much of the Keanu Reeves oeuvre just to see their boy? Or some other less than stellar flicks to see Clooney, Pitt, Cusack, Damon, Denzel or another object of affection?

Desktop Drive In

A few early morning videos for your viewing pleasure:

The first Lost S5 promo has arrived!

100 Seinfeld quotes.

Bill Maher suggests (rightfully) that Sherri Sheppard, should visit Bellevue.

Deleted scenes from BSG season 4.

How does Dwight Schrute stand up to geek torture?

Marcia Brady chats about anal sex.

Behind the scenes of the girl-on-girl terminator fight from Monday's Sarah Connor. (Limited special effects -- the gal was a contortionist!)

New Watchmen footage (interspersed with some we've seen before) from the recent Scream Awards.

There are just so many poorly chosen words in that sentence.

If you don't know what that quote is in response to, it's Michael Bluth, reacting to this:

Tobias: "Well, yes, but I’m afraid I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run, if you will, so now I’m afraid I have something of a mess on my hands."

Isn't it great when two awesome things come together? Like whiskey and water? Coffee and cigarettes? Chocolate and Peanut butter? Heroes and Kristen Bell?

That happened this morning, when I stumbled across this simply magnificent post (hat tip, Dawg Sports) thematically fusing two of the best things in the known universe: Arrested Development and SEC Football.

Yes, it's long. But if you're even tangentially familiar with the Bluths and SEC football, you owe it to yourself to read every last word -- and click on every precious morsel of scriptage from the Best. Sitcom. Ever.

What a fun sexy time for you, indeed.

In praise of strong women

Watching BSG last night, I couldn't help but be fascinated with Mary McDonnell's portrayal of Laura Roslin. Here's a woman who has the political responsibility of the colonies (and the survival of the human race!) weighing on her shoulders, and yet she still finds a way to be compelling, compassionate, funny, flirty, strong and intelligent. (Compare that to Adama's leadership style. While he also conveys the stoic and strong and often has to make the tough calls, he rarely lets his guard down around anyone, except Saul occasionally and those "stolen moments" on New Caprica). Plus, Roslin knows how to expediently find the nearest airlock for those who cross her.

Isn't this a bit sexy?

That, and seeing The Exorcism of Emily Rose last week, got me thinking about portrayals of "strong women" on TV and film. Sadly, women are usually portrayed as the victim, the hot babe or the slut, and there seems to be a dearth of roles that don't necessarily fit one of those characterizations while still being sexy. I'm thinking more of characters and actresses that wouldn't necessarily be at the top of an FHM list, nor rely on the traditional conception/perception of their "attractiveness" as an integral part of the role. For example, Lara Croft is supposed to be a very smart, very tough, very capable adventurer, but she's played by Angelina and there's just no getting around the fact that she's an exotic total babe. Or Buffy Summers, who was one of the best written and best acted female lead characters on TV, and was also a serious ass-kicker. Or Sydney Bristow. Great characters, but there's still a more "overt" (for lack of a better word) aspect of their sex appeal.

Here are some examples that bring to mind what I'm talking about:

Mary McDonnell as Laura Roslin
Laura Linney as Janet Venable in Primal Fear (tough as nails, a good litigator, razor sharp bob and a chain smoker. How hot is that? Or really, just about anything Laura Linney plays. She's just exceptionally good -- as I mentioned earlier about Emily Rose).
Amanda Tapping as Samantha Carter
Amy Acker as Fred Burkle
Linda Hamilton as Sarah Conner
Gillian Anderson as Dana Scully
Annette Benning as Elise Kraft/Sharon Bridger in The Siege
Karen Allen as Marion Ravenwood in Raiders of the Lost Ark
Emily Deschanel as Temperance "Bones" Brennan
Holly Hunter as MJ Monahan in Copycat
Gina Torres as Zoe Washburn
Sigourney Weaver as Ellen Ripley
Kyra Sedgwick as Brenda Lee Johnson

A little heavy on the "genre" roles, I know. Is that just my geeky sensibilities, or do there just seem to be more of these types of characters in this realm? I'm sure I'm missing some obvious choices, but nonetheless, it's nice to see.