I'll take potpourri for $2,800, Alex

Welcome back, y'all. Not much activity on the old blog front for the past week or so, as I've been slammed at work (wait -- I don't do this for a living? I'm up to $1.47 on my adsense account!) and traveling back and forth to the motherland to follow the alma mater. However, I'm back for a couple of weeks, and can now bring you up to speed on the some of the interesting things around the interwebs:

"Have a baby for love. Not German engineering." Brooke Shields is perfect in these VW ads. Funny stuff.

10 unfinished sci-fi/fantasy series that need to be finished. Though it's not listed in the numbers (but in the opening 'graph), I actually enjoyed Threshold. Carla Gugino, Data and the Dinklage? I watched. I'm not sure about being "finished," but I would enjoy checking in again with Quantum Leap, The 4400, Firefly (yeah, I enjoyed Serenity, too, but really, really wanted these folks on my TV every single week) and V. We were a very "mini-series" watching family when I was young (Roots, Thorn Birds, Winds of War, Shogun, etc.), but V was the first one to hit right in the geek wheelhouse that Sam and I loved.

Thoughts on the new season of Bones. I thought the London season opener was a bit too silly for my tastes, though I did dig the British cop. The whole Angela/Hodgins breakup seemed shoehorned in and out of nowhere, and I'm not sure where they're going with that. And I'm not entirely happy with the "Zack situation," though I never really liked Zack and think that Sweets is a much better and more entertaining character to get airtime. Plus, the "He can hold his breath for three minutes down there!"quote made me laugh. Tempy, I have the lung capacity of a tubercular hamster, but I'd be happy to spend more than three minutes.

Herbstreit predicts the Dawgs/Poultry game. I hope he's right.

A nugget of proof for the existence of a deity.

A recent Mandel column, in which he discusses SEC fans chanting "S...E...C" at the end of games. Have we been doing this? I'm not sure. It's been awfully quiet at the bottom of my flask. (BTW, I finished his book on the recent trip home. Good reading, and recommended for college football fans).

Uh-oh. Dollhouse shuts down production for a couple of weeks. Signs of trouble with the scripts? Lack of faith by the FOX suits? Normal development? I'd love to play Kevin Bacon and scream "Remain calm! All is well!" But visions of Firefly dance through my head. Shit. I can't take another early cancellation.

As if the Big 10 wasn't humiliated enough by the SEC lately, a Gator skank comments on the viability of Big 10 chicks to grace the cover of Playboy:

In addition to showing up on tonight's summer finale of Psych, Gary Cole will be appearing on Chuck as Sarah's dad. Awesome.

Did Texas and UTEP play a neutral site game in Columbus, GA?

The Vandy juggernaut pwns Darth Visor.

A laugh out loud South Park license plate.

The obvious mistake -- offering a sandwich. I would have gone with Zaxby's chicken fingers or maybe a Bourbon Street steak.

AJ Green is talented. And humble.

The season -- and let's hope not the series -- finale of The Middleman was a geektastic Oreo double-stuffed with awesome. Here's a list of the numerous references for that ep.

Glen Larson seems like a douchebag for not worshipping at the feet of the revived BSG, but hey, he gave us "frak."

The Zack and Miri redband trailer. Yep, I'm there.

9 things you shouldn't buy new. I don't know if I agree with all of those, but I'll never forget the words of a former mentor: "If it flies, floats or fucks....rent, don't buy."

I'll take potpourri for $1,200, Alex

In praise of BSG, and not just from the usual geek quarters.

Happy Mother's Day, from the island!

Why isn't there a good collection of TV theme songs, by the original "artists," on iTunes? Or if there is, why haven't I found it yet? I've been known to break my "no karaoke, no singing" rule when it comes to TV show theme songs. I mean, do you really need to be on key to belt out the theme to Green Acres? I recall back in the salad days of college, a "TV's Greatest Hits" album was always fun to whip out after the surroundings got a little beer drenched and smoky. I remember that there was some surfing down a flight of stairs on a cardboard box listening to "Hawaii 5-0."

How frakking cool is Brad Paisley?

Fuck you Sanford Stadium. Making do in a long meeting or on a flight is one thing. (I usually don't knock back a huge flask of whiskey discussing the intricacies of channel marketing or waiting for my plane to crash). But no "pass outs" or even a designated area? Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. On the upside, my season ticket mates get to hear about 30 minutes more of my insightful commentary. On the downside, if things start to go south in a game, we could be dealing with CSI: Athens.

Kimmel talks to "Darlton" about Lost.

Barney Stinson chats about his new Joss Whedon web musical.

This should be required viewing in Columbus.

15 years later, reflections on an underrated classic. "You're so cool," indeed.

Goodbye, Disco Kroger. (Atlantans will know what I'm talking about).

Of course it should. But it won't. (And as usual, I recommend Hitch).

How John Mayer writes a song.

Jimmie James and Rogue in a southern gothic vampire show from the Six Feet Under creator? Oh yeah, I'm there.

This might make me go to Subway more often.

More toy nostalgia from my youth. Yep, I had every single thing you see in that commercial. (But I didn't bust a rhyme on my moon playset).

Speaking of nostalgia, here are 10 memorable ads from the 70s. Who doesn't remember these?

Who is the best character on TV? (Starbuck won last year's tourney). Now we're in the Sweet Sixteen. I'd vote for Dexter Morgan, Number Six, Barney Stinson or probably Benjamin Linus.

Super Bowl LXII Ad Blog: Fourth Quarter

Sunsilk (celebrity hair): decent commercial, but not for the Super Bowl. B+ ad; D- on media buy.

Coke: Thirsty parade floats of Underdog and Stewie battling it out for a coke. That Charlie Brown finally gets. (and no Lucy to pull it away at the last minute, or break the bottle and stab him to death with the shards). Awwww, the little dude wins something after all. Nice. A-

Coke: Carville and Frist bond over a jinx and a Coke. Not bad. B-

Toyota Sequoia. I’m not even sure what the hell that was about. F

Movie (Don’t Mess With the Zohan): I’m sure it will make $100 million. But not from my wallet. D

You know, if I wasn’t already watching the Sarah Connor show, I might check it out based on the commercials. They’re kicking ass. A

ETrade. Fucking talking baby again. Nightmare fuel, in so many ways. F

Taco Bell: Fiesta Platters. Ola. Suddenly, I’m hungry. Again, worth $2.7 mil? Probably not. Will I order a Fiesta Platter? Probably. B-

Gatorade: Thirsty dog. Man’s best friend. Meh. C-

Bud Light (Will Ferrell’s new ABA movie ): “Refreshes the palate. And the loins. Suck one.” B+

Hyundai Genesis: Not flashy, in a commercial sense. But I think they’re getting their point across. B

Victoria’s Secret: Tom Brady just threw a pass to put the Pats ahead. And will probably have all these chicks by the time he leaves the locker room. B-

Amp: Dude jump starts a lady’s car via nipple clamps, an energy drink and “Push It.” When I think of nipple clamps, this is not what I want in my head. Premise makes sense, but makes me queasy. And not in the mood for an energy drink. C-

All in all, not a stellar lineup of commercials tonight. Bridgestone rocked, salesgenie.com sucked cock and many, many companies wasted their money. And Clydesdales and Dalmatians are always cute. Oh, and the New York Football Giants won! I don't think Tom Brady will be getting those models after all. And this probably means we'll be doubling our quota of Manning commercials on Sundays next fall.

Hey, there's a new House on!

Super Bowl LXII Ad Blog: Third Quarter

Cars.com: Plan B was having a witch doctor shrink the head of an unhelpful sales guy. This is such a terrible campaign. And I can’t believe Hodgins from Bones was slumming in this one! D

Salesgenie.com: psychic pandas, and another offensive stereotype. Where’s an animated Mickey Rooney from Breakfast at Tiffany’s? F

Vitamin Water: Shaq as a jockey. Decent CGI. I laughed at the play by play guy’s “he’s coming up like an angry Viking.” Did the water help the horse? Meh. C-

Bud Light (cavemen): You can usually count on Bud Light commercials to bring the funny, but the batting average isn’t great this year. This one was okay (“Bottle opener sucks!”). B-

Ice Breakers: Carmen Electra is impressed by gum. D-

Bridgestone tires (deer in headlights): Bridgestone is rocking this year. You think you’re in another, run of the mill “avoid the deer” car commercial, when all of a sudden Alice Cooper – and his snake – pop up. Then Richard Simmons, followed by a gunning of the engine. Great. Demonstrate the product benefits, surprise me, make me laugh. A+

CareerBuilder (wish on a star). Not bad, but a big let down from the beating heart leaping out of the chest. C+

Hyundai Genesis: Hyundai is entering the luxury market. We all laughed when the Japanese car makers did it. Wonder if the Koreans can pull it off? Salesgenie should follow this up with animated Koreans complaining in thick accents about getting not getting enough leads, while they’re dining on a Budweiser Dalmatian. The car doesn’t look too bad. Simple, straightforward approach. B

Movie (Wall-E): Pixar can do no wrong. A

Movie (Jumper): The flick will probably be terrible, but for some reason, the trailers and the premise really intrigue me. B

E-Trade: Oh fuck, talking baby. Makes me want to put on a condom. And I’m alone. F

Bud Light (Fly): I’m not sure what to make of these “ability no longer included” ads. Kinda amusing. B-

NFL.com (NFL Stories): I play the oboe. A tale well told. Cute, heartwarming. (I heard the “uncut version” featured a story about beating David Carr within an inch of his life with the oboe). A-

Super Bowl LXII Ad Blog: Second Quarter

Movie (Wanted): Badass gunplay, based on a videogame. Bonus points for having Angelina Jolie back in Mr. and Mrs. Smith mode. Could be dumb fun, but probably a stinker to watch on Cinemax after a bottle of cheap whiskey. C+

G2 Gatorade: A baseball field follows Derek Jeter around while he drinks the beverage. Product tie is not bad. Of course there’s a Peyton Manning cameo at the end. Not bad. B+

Go Daddy: Attempting to drive you to their website for “Exposure,” a supposedly racy Danica Patrick commercial. She takes herself waaay too seriously to be worth an extra mouse click. Good thing they sell cheap domain names. D

Dell (Red): guy gets congratulated and mobbed for buying a laptop with the “Red Campaign” benefits for saving lives. Mick Jagger sings in the background. You wanna save lives? How about giving the $2.7 million that lame commercial to starving folks in Africa. That could buy a lot of beef jerky and Snapple. D

FedEx (carrier pigeons): guy solves shipping problems with trained carrier pigeons. Not just regular size, but also dinosaur size mutant pigeons. With robot looking helmets. Very funny scenes of the chaos they cause on the streets below. I laughed out loud as the pecked on cars. A

Cars.com: Fighting Gondor in the circle of death. Mildly amusing, but will never, ever relate that to cars.com again. C-

Tide to Go (talking stain): Communicates the product benefits beautifully, shows the product clearly at the end and makes you laugh. I rewound just to hear the babbling stain. A

Budweiser (Horse and Dalmatian) Undersized Clydesdale trains with dog to make the beer truck team, all set to Rocky music. These are always adorable and touching. Both animals are established icons for the brand, and this one (as usual) made me smile. A

Move (Iron Man): Every teaser and shot I’ve seen from this looked fantastic. One of my most eagerly anticipated movies of 2008. Robert Downey Jr. should make a spot on Tony Stark. Was it just me, or did that last scene, where old shell-head takes down a tank, look fake like a video game? Not a fan of the music, either (Sabbath’s “Iron Man” from the teaser was perfect). Some good, some bad. I was underwhelmed compared to expectations. Still, they’ll have my $10. B-

Toyota (quiet cabin and sleeping badgers): Tied to product, and funny. What can I say, badgers are amusing. B+

Movie (Leatherheads): Not much too it, but looks like a good cast and fun flick. B+

Garmin: LOVE the product, but not too sure about Napoleon here. What the fuck does a French dictator and his tiny pony have to do with a GPS system? D

CareerBuilder (follow your heart): Loved the payoff, and the chest-bursting was the right amount of shocking, gross and funny. A-

Lifewater: A chick and lizards doing “Thriller.” D

Out of work drug dealer: Surely you can find better ways to spend almost $3 million on fighting drugs. Maybe on subsidies for the alcohol industry so people will drink instead. Because Clydesdales and Dalmatians are cute. D-

GMC Yukon Hybrid. Very stark and fascinating graphic approach to the execution, with a figure pushing a huge boulder up a hill. However, it has nothing to do with an SUV. That would have been great for an investment firm. Or a marriage counselor. Graphics: A. Effectiveness: F

Bud Light (Mencia and English pick up lessons): slight tie to previous commercials. Not that funny. Well, maybe the guy with the chicken. C-

Movie (Narnia / Prince Caspian): I’m not down with the C.S. Lewis message. Whatevs. C-

Planters: Head turning unibrow gal, because she dabs with cashews. D

TMobile: DWade finally gets into Barkley’s Fave Five. Ongoing campaign, and this was the funniest of the bunch. B+

Pepsi: Justin Timberlake gets carried across down in cartoonishly violent way. Each sip “gets you closer to Justin.” Message connected to offering, and smug popstar abuse is always appreciated. B+

Doritos (mousetrap): Much better than some lame song I’ve never heard. Bonus for antagonistic, vengeful guy in felt mouse costume. B

Halftime: I like Tom Petty as much as the next guy, but I can’t see anything topping Prince’s fantastic turn last year.

Super Bowl LXII Ad Blog: First Quarter

Bud Light (Firebreathing): I’ve liked some of the “ability not contained in Bud Light” commercials before. This one didn’t do anything for me. C-

Audi R8: Great take on the classic scene from The Godfather. The brand message and the original scene aren’t a 100% match (to owners of other luxury cars need to be intimidated into giving Audi a “fair chance,” a la Johnny Fontaine?), but it’s funny enough to let that slide. Plus, the car looks badass. A-

Diet Pepsi Max (Nodding Off): Featuring Haddaway’s tune from the SNL “Butabi Brothers” skits, shows people nodding off from lack of energy, which the soft drink fixes with a pick me up. Eh. Only truly amusing moment is a cameo from Chris Kattan at the end. You know you don’t have a winner when a Chris Kattan appearance is the high point. C

SalesGenie.com (Acme cartoon): stylized cartoon, with a sales rep that sounds like Apu. Awful. D-

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles: Nothing we haven’t seen before, but this one is focused on scenes with Summer Glau’s terminator kicking ass and spouting deadpan lines. Love it. A

Bug Light (wine and cheese party): Similar to one from days gone by with men having Bud Light in hidden sections of the women’s clothing department of a store, except the beer is hidden in cheese and baguettes. C+

Under Armour: People training in a stylized urban environment. “The future is now!” I get what they’re trying to say – “hey, you fucks in Beaverton, we’ve arrived!” – but it left me flat. Solid strategy, boring execution. Not a good way to spend a ton of dough. Pay a college team to get a uniform endorsement. C

Bridgestone (Squirrel in road): Demonstrates product features, features always popular cute animals. Looks of terror and shrieks of horror from the woodland creatures was cute and well edited. A

Doritos: some online contest featuring voting for unknown artists. Snack chips and songs you’ve never heard before. Good time for a bathroom break. D

Unhitched: A new FOX comedy that looks awful just like every other sitcom they’ve attempted besides Arrested Development. When that didn’t garner ratings (just universal critical acclaim and Emmys), it seems they’ve gone out of their way to make every other offering as insipid as possible. Mission accomplished. F

From marrying Carlo to therapy with cavemen

Did anyone else realize that Oscar-nominated actress Talia Shire is the therapist in the Geico caveman commercials? Wow. I didn't know this until yesterday. Of course, being "married" to Rocky Balboa was probably good preparation.

Whodat? (Commercial - Guest Star Edition)

Twice in one day, I saw the same character actress popping up in TV shows I watch. (Not that they aired the same day, thanks to the miracle that is Tivo). Once in a repeat of Without A Trace (that featured Miranda's old SITC boyfriend as a wacko who believed he was being tracked by aliens) and again on the increasingly funny Andy Barker PI. While usually I'm great at picking up on these things and even knowing the actor, I couldn't place her yet had the feeling I've seen her a great deal - almost like she was burned into my consciousness. Who was she? After a little digging, I found out it was Margaret Easley. Not a name I recognized, until it dawned on me, and saw the confirmation in her IMDB bio: she's the perky redhead in the ubiquitous DirectWay internet satellite commercials.

Side note about Andy Barker. If you're not watching it, or you gave up after the pilot, keep watching. The second episode, Fairway My Lovely, was hysterical. (It was penned by noted Buffy, Gilmores and BSG scribe Jane Espenson). It's been along time since I laughed out loud at a sitcom (probably watching reruns of Arrested Development on G4 last week), but this had several absurd and chuckle worthy moments. You can probably find it on the YouTubes or NBC's site.

The Canon: Super Bowl Commercials

An ongoing series of lists that provides the definitive order of things in the universe.

Overall, a very, very lackluster crop of Super Bowl ads last night. Only a few really stood out, entertained or made me chuckle.

Here's what USA Today's annual round up of ad rankings had to say.


I'm not completely in tune with how America rated them (go figure) with regard to the best ads. After all, one of my favorites -- the Garmin GPS ad that featured a note-perfect take on a cheesy "Ultra Man" like hero fighting the "paper map monster" -- ranked in the bottom. I guess there weren't too many fans of Ultra Man watching last night. That's a shame, because that shit was hysterical.

My take?

Best Super Bowl Ads:

1. Bud Light Rock, Paper, Scissors
2. Budweiser Clydesdales and "dirty" dog as dalmatian
   
3. Garmin "Ultra Man" spoof
4. GM "sad robot"
5. Bud Light scary hitchhiker
6. Emerald Nuts Robert Goulet as office gremlin

And though it wasn't a true commercial for a product, special kudos to David Letterman and Oprah watching the game.

Can't catch me 'cause the rabbit done died.

While passively watching "live" TV last night (not doing the usual timeshifting and skimming through the commercials with the miracle from on high that is Tivo) I caught part of a commercial for some type of newfangled birth control drug. I wasn't really playing attention to it, as I'm not really part of the primary target audience, until I saw the text at the bottom of the screen: "see our ad in Parents Magazine."

Huh?

If you're advertising birth control, wouldn't the idea be to reach your audience before they're reading Parents? Is this like a commercial for "chainsaw safety" that says "see our ad in Double Amputee Times?" Or an ad for Gamblers Anonymous that directs you to find more information inside the casino? Perhaps a suicide hotline will employ this strategy, and start a marketing campaign at funeral homes.