Super Bowl LXII Ad Blog: Second Quarter

Movie (Wanted): Badass gunplay, based on a videogame. Bonus points for having Angelina Jolie back in Mr. and Mrs. Smith mode. Could be dumb fun, but probably a stinker to watch on Cinemax after a bottle of cheap whiskey. C+

G2 Gatorade: A baseball field follows Derek Jeter around while he drinks the beverage. Product tie is not bad. Of course there’s a Peyton Manning cameo at the end. Not bad. B+

Go Daddy: Attempting to drive you to their website for “Exposure,” a supposedly racy Danica Patrick commercial. She takes herself waaay too seriously to be worth an extra mouse click. Good thing they sell cheap domain names. D

Dell (Red): guy gets congratulated and mobbed for buying a laptop with the “Red Campaign” benefits for saving lives. Mick Jagger sings in the background. You wanna save lives? How about giving the $2.7 million that lame commercial to starving folks in Africa. That could buy a lot of beef jerky and Snapple. D

FedEx (carrier pigeons): guy solves shipping problems with trained carrier pigeons. Not just regular size, but also dinosaur size mutant pigeons. With robot looking helmets. Very funny scenes of the chaos they cause on the streets below. I laughed out loud as the pecked on cars. A

Cars.com: Fighting Gondor in the circle of death. Mildly amusing, but will never, ever relate that to cars.com again. C-

Tide to Go (talking stain): Communicates the product benefits beautifully, shows the product clearly at the end and makes you laugh. I rewound just to hear the babbling stain. A

Budweiser (Horse and Dalmatian) Undersized Clydesdale trains with dog to make the beer truck team, all set to Rocky music. These are always adorable and touching. Both animals are established icons for the brand, and this one (as usual) made me smile. A

Move (Iron Man): Every teaser and shot I’ve seen from this looked fantastic. One of my most eagerly anticipated movies of 2008. Robert Downey Jr. should make a spot on Tony Stark. Was it just me, or did that last scene, where old shell-head takes down a tank, look fake like a video game? Not a fan of the music, either (Sabbath’s “Iron Man” from the teaser was perfect). Some good, some bad. I was underwhelmed compared to expectations. Still, they’ll have my $10. B-

Toyota (quiet cabin and sleeping badgers): Tied to product, and funny. What can I say, badgers are amusing. B+

Movie (Leatherheads): Not much too it, but looks like a good cast and fun flick. B+

Garmin: LOVE the product, but not too sure about Napoleon here. What the fuck does a French dictator and his tiny pony have to do with a GPS system? D

CareerBuilder (follow your heart): Loved the payoff, and the chest-bursting was the right amount of shocking, gross and funny. A-

Lifewater: A chick and lizards doing “Thriller.” D

Out of work drug dealer: Surely you can find better ways to spend almost $3 million on fighting drugs. Maybe on subsidies for the alcohol industry so people will drink instead. Because Clydesdales and Dalmatians are cute. D-

GMC Yukon Hybrid. Very stark and fascinating graphic approach to the execution, with a figure pushing a huge boulder up a hill. However, it has nothing to do with an SUV. That would have been great for an investment firm. Or a marriage counselor. Graphics: A. Effectiveness: F

Bud Light (Mencia and English pick up lessons): slight tie to previous commercials. Not that funny. Well, maybe the guy with the chicken. C-

Movie (Narnia / Prince Caspian): I’m not down with the C.S. Lewis message. Whatevs. C-

Planters: Head turning unibrow gal, because she dabs with cashews. D

TMobile: DWade finally gets into Barkley’s Fave Five. Ongoing campaign, and this was the funniest of the bunch. B+

Pepsi: Justin Timberlake gets carried across down in cartoonishly violent way. Each sip “gets you closer to Justin.” Message connected to offering, and smug popstar abuse is always appreciated. B+

Doritos (mousetrap): Much better than some lame song I’ve never heard. Bonus for antagonistic, vengeful guy in felt mouse costume. B

Halftime: I like Tom Petty as much as the next guy, but I can’t see anything topping Prince’s fantastic turn last year.