Ferris Ryan's Day Off

Living "out of market," I didn't get to see the Falcons preseason game last night, except for some early first quarter cut-ins via the NFL Network. I woke up this morning to glance at the box score, and apparently, The Sausage King of Chicago got some playing time at QB:

I'll take potpourri for $6,100, Alex

Good Saturday morning everyone. Grab some java and settle in for a fun grab bag of links and miscellany!

Does anyone know where I can buy some good old fashioned lye? I need to bleach my eyeballs.

In which people refer to Jesus, and yet prove, by their very existence and notoriety, that he can't possibly exist as a figure who has mankind's best interests in mind (from EW):

ABC unveils some fun looking new promos for the fall television season. (Will Jack kill everyone on Wisteria Lane because he misses Kate?)

Speaking of Lost, this t-shirt TV Guide's Matt Mittovich is wearing sums up my feelings quite well:

The 11 Worst College Football Coaching Performances of the 21st Century.

Empire magazine looks at the Best and Worst eppys of each Trek series.

Extensive look (with clips!) of the Best and Worst death scenes from movies.

9 Resons why Dollhouse Season Two is a good thing.

The Daily Beast looks at 14 TV shows they want back.

i09 chats with Supernatural producer/writer Sera Gamble about whether the show, recently focused on an apocalyptic struggle between angels, demons and Lucifer, works for atheists. (Speaking as one, yeah, it does).

Between Lost, Terminator and Trek, there's a whole lotta time travel going on in pop fiction lately. Here's a scientific "primer." Also, Discover Magazine offers "rules" for time travel. How Stuff Works also has some goodies on time travel.

TWOP's Best and Worst of season finales.

Mike Vick to Seattle? Uh, don't think so. But wasn't Jim Mora Vick's coach - and supporter - in Atlanta? Seems he was a little disingenuous about his belief in the dog murdering QB back in the day. Yeah, thanks for that Jim.

Captain Kirk, NOOOOOOO! You're better off making out with a Horta. (although, add a "w" and it's about the same)

Dark UFO has started their season ending polls on all things Lost. Interesting and fun results.

Televisionary reviews (with spoilers, so beware) the pilot of V. Can't frakkin' wait for this to air.

Are these the 10 worst team names?

TV Crunch lists the 25 worst sitcoms ever.

Also, the 25 worst dramas ever. (Not sure I agree with all their choices, and surely there are some more fitting candidates, but I like their venom for the do-goody schmaltz).

LA Times chats with Dan Aykroyd about a potential Ghostbusters 3, with a younger generation picking up the proton packs. Both Eliza Dushku and Alyssa Milano are referenced (though both later denied any knowledge of it via twitter). If they're looking for a younger cast, how about:

• Alan Tudyk
• John Krasinski
• Craig Robinson
• Ryan Reynolds
• Alyson Hannigan
• Anne Hathaway

Any other suggestions?

Oh, professional athletes, how I love your fauxpieocity (faux + piety + hypocricy). Check out this awesome commentary from Deadspin about Dwight Howard:

Dwight Howard. Congratulations to the Magic center for securing himself a solid spot in the alpha dog upper echelon of NBA superstars: His obligatory cash advances from fake-nutritious colored water products are already on the way, I'm sure. Howard's one of those guys who is difficult to figure out. On one hand, he makes a big show of being a devout Christian — going so far as claiming he only listens to gospel music, which I highly, highly doubt — and on the other, he had a baby with a team dancer (seriously, a team dancer) and leaves tickets for porn stars. I have no specific problem with this, of course — who would?! — but when the spotlight focuses on him a little more, you wonder if roaches might sneak around when someone flips the switch. But man, I hope not. Considering the Magic are likely to be down 3-0 by the time the next one of these columns run, I won't stick around long enough to find out, I promise.

A fantastic look at the "moebius" theory of time travel on Lost.

Joss's comments on the Dollhouse renewal.

Trek scribes talk address some of the issues surrounding the plot. Also, they have a nice Q&A with fans at TrekMovie. And they also had a part 2.

Win and in!

Thanks to an epic FAIL last night from Jessica Simpson's boyfriend and his overrated, whiny, batshit narcissist WR (with god looking down through the roof!), the Falcons control their own playoff destiny just one year removed from losing their dog-killing QB to jail and having their limp-dicked coward of a coach quit on them during the season, all while starting a rookie signal caller, with a first-time head coach on the sidelines. AMAZING.

The hapless Rams are the last game of the season (at home) for the Birds, so that makes today's tilt against the Vikings a virtual play-in. Critical game against the Vikes? Bring back any memories?

It probably does for the patrons of The Walleye.

"99 NFC Championship Game?"
Slams fist on bar.
"Damn!"

Sadly, I couldn't find any pictures of Robin Scherbatsky in a Vikings jersey.

Who wants leftovers?

Stuff I didn't get to last night:

UGA legend Dan McGill thinks Matt Stafford might have the strongest arm he's ever seen (and "might" throw it 100 yards one day). Three strongest QB arms I've ever seen in person (in no particular order): Matt Stafford, Mike Vick, Jeff George (hopefully, one of these things is not like the others).

SI's Mandel on the "failure status" of Darth Visor.

Two of my favorites: Richard Dawkins on Christopher Hitchens.

"Robin Hood Economics:" Obama's tax plan. Of course, McCain does social engineering as well, proposing reducing the confiscation rate on people who bring more strollers, screaming and mini-vans into the world.

Celebrity atheists.

Can you make a Libertarian case for Palin? I'm not so sure.

Scroll to the bottom, and you'll find the insanely catchy soundtrack to Dr. Horrible on the Billboard chart at 39 (even more impressive, since it was iTunes only).

New DVD release for a totally underrated show.

Nice interview with one of the creators of How I Met Your Mother.

If you believe in "global warming," here's an easy solution: 1500 robotic ships cruising the seas.

Tech Porn: evolution of the CrackBerry.

Alec Baldwin (great actor, top-shelf SNL host and real-life nutjob) spews the crazy in an 8,000 word New Yorker profile, and insults My Name is Earl. Earl creator Greg Garcia responds. Funny.

Last week, I read this Atlanta Falcons season profile after a few too many IPTs, and was crying because it was so funny. In the cold, sober light of day, I still think it's a masterwork. Read and enjoy.

TiVos save relationships. I have 4 of them, but did I miss one of their service updates? Or is there a button to delete the lying and whoring?

More on the instant-classic finale of the summer's best show, The Middleman, can be found here and here.

Well, that only took 16 years

So let's see. You're building a huge new domed stadium, that's going to house the local NFL franchise. The NFL team's colors are red and black, with some occasional accents of white and silver/grey. Oh, and the flagship university in the same state has the same primary color scheme, too. So back in 1992, what hues do you use to adorn your new multi-million dollar facility? Mauve, teal, and peach, of course.

WTF?

I realize things sometimes take a while to get to the south, but Miami Vice was canceled in 1989.

For comparison's sake, peep the new Cowboys stadium. Jerry Jones isn't doing his shiny new toy in mustard, avocado and periwinkle.

Now, after 16 years, the Georgia Dome will be unveiling a slick new paint job that actually reflects the color palette of the primary occupants. Check out the glorious red and black here.

Could this be good juju for a certain university's run toward an SEC Championship, which just happens to be played in the same (now red & black) building?

I'll take potpourri for $1,000, Alex

Captain Mal is up for the lead on a new ABC show that sounds like a good fit. A "comedic procedural about a famous mystery novelist helping the NYPD solve crimes." I'll tune in.

Fantastic new Dark Knight poster. (click on the links in the story to see two "international" posters which are also quite good). Despite a shaky third act, I loved the first "reboot" of the series, Batman Begins. I also remember seeing that flick in the theatre, which is a mixed bag. Yeah, the movie was great, but that was a bizarre night that should have sent me a message as bright as the Batsignal.

Story of the gruesome and funny production company credits at the end of BSG.

I think I know where to send the camera crews for this new reality debacle. Of course, it wouldn't be at a country club, and all the stuff has already been repossessed. Several times.

Six is making her way to another show I enjoy.

Speaking of entertaining USA shows, Maddie Hayes is Sean Spencer's mom.

One ranking of Joss's "10 finest moments." Probably not the 10 I would pick, but a fine list nonetheless. (h/t Whedonesque).

A Damn Good Dawg retires.

How to get from one side of the galaxy to the other very quickly. But complications may ensue.

An interesting opinion about the Falcons pick at #3 today. "Taking the wrong Matt." Yeah, it would make me very happy to see UGA's 7 in a Birds uni, but I want Stafford to stick around for 4 years, and not go pro after his junior year. (Of course, if by miracle of miracles, the Dawgs make it through a torturous schedule and wind up with a MNC, there'd be no reason for him to hang around the campus, and we all know he has the gun for the pro game).

Christina Ricci is a smart lass.

If not for the awful food and bad teeth, I think I'd fit in with the crowd in Britain.

While jogging around the apartment complex, I found an amusing "crime deterrent." On one of the ground level units, the resident had placed one of those "head shot" targets from the shooting range in the window, with bullet holes all in and around the bullseye. Probably much more effective than an alarm company sticker.

Great list of unanswered TV questions.

The 11 Most Awful Songs from Geek Movie Soundtracks. Some of the choices are spot-on, but I actually like a couple of the tunes (like "Kiss From a Rose" - but what the fuck does that mean?). But mostly, I enjoyed it for the writing. Worth checking out.

A guide to sci-fi deus ex machinas.

It's too bad Joss got into bed with FOX for Dollhouse, where it will probably be canceled after 4 episodes (cough*Drive*cough). This is an interesting development, and I would have much preferred to see Dollhouse on Showtime (and not just because Olivia Williams, Eliza Dushku and Amy Acker would be free of the puritanical standards and practices nazis. Mainly, because they can cultivate quality shows without the weekly pressure of the unwashed masses tuning in).

In praise of Bones. I think one of the reasons why I love Bones so much is that of all the procedurals, this one is really more about character than the mystery. And it so happens that I really like each and every character on Bones, unlike other procedurals, where there may be only one or two characters worth watching (Calleigh, Gil, Hodges, Lupo, Cutter, Munch, Prentiss, Penelope, Goren, etc). The back from the strike eps have been top notch, but next week will be a test of my patience. A baby? Shit, did they not read my screed about BSG last week?

Why didn't they have this at a playground near me as a kid?

Speaking of which, here's a guide to the women of intergalactic pimp, James T. Kirk.

I still can't get over Carly getting the boot on American Idol. I understand that David C has talent, and the stuffed Koala has a legion of tweens (plus, voters are probably afraid his dad would beat him studded belt if he loses). But Brooke and Psychlo Terl voted forward? You have got to be fucking kidding me. And this is even more distressing than anti-Irish, anti-talent bias: did mouth-breathing, fairy tale-believing, flat-earth, dimwitted jesus freaks spur a backlash? Over a thirty year old song? Maybe I could grow to love warm beer and fish and chips.

And what was Carly going to perform on Neil Diamond week? "Sweet Caroline," my favorite song of his. Fuck you, America. Fuck you.

However, whenever I think of Neil Diamond, I think of this. Never fails to make me laugh out loud. "...this next song I wrote after I killed a drifter to get an erection."

We'll find the next Deion Sanders hidden in Lincoln Nebraska!

Gearing up for the fantasy draft, coffee in one hand and bloody mary in the other, what subject would be on my mind other than "draft busts?"

Here was an article I stumbled across recently outlining some of the all time worst draft busts. Yes, you'll see the usual collection of Penn State running backs and receivers picked by the Lions, but toward the end, there's another subset typically recalled only by scarred Falcons fans: cornerbacks taken by Atlanta out of Nebraska. Why anyone thought that CBs playing in a "run, run, run" program in a "run, run, run" conference would have NFL cover skills is beyond me.

Canine Catastrophes

Fuck. First, the Falcons season becomes derailed when their starting QB is caught being less than hospitable to our canine friends. Now, the one hope for area fans -- that former UGA stud and general all around great guy, DJ Shockley, would get some significant PT -- comes crashing down.

According to the AJC, Shockley has torn up his knee and is done for the year.

How horribly sad for DJ and his many fans in the south. Get well soon, DJ.

Fuck.