Well, hello there blogverse. It's been a while. I would love to say that I've been an absentee landlord of these here parts because I've been on a fulfilling spiritual quest; seduced by a winsome nerd girl; or plotting how to spend my recent Mega Millions win (first on the agenda: "endow" a salary for a UGA special teams coach. Second? Fund a full season of a Whedon TV show and tell Nielsen families to go fuck themselves). However, that simply isn't the case. I made a long trek back to the motherland to see some friends and football, and have really just been suffering from a debilitating ennui.
So, I hope to get back to regularly blogging about television, pop culture, life and sports, but we'll just have to see how it goes, okay? In the meantime, here are a few random observations I made during my time away:
When you go through security at a college football stadium with a flask, never deviate from what's been successful. For example, if in two decades you've never been snagged by the popo with the brown elixir of life hidden in your waistband against the small of your back, then don't suddenly decide to just leave it in your back pocket on the day of the biggest home game of the season. (Related: watching a game at your local pub with other rabid fans gives you the opportunity to see endless replays of the incompetence of SEC refs over and over).
Good friends are worth their weight in gold.
The digestive system of a cat seems inextricably tied to its need for attention.
Cruel and unusual punishment for a southerner? Living in a state without a Krystal, Zaxby's or Waffle House.
You can never have enough half and half. Also, when you drink a LOT of java, it helps to have an easy to use coffee maker. At home, I use a combination of the Grind n Brew (which is not so user friendly, especially for that second pot of the morning, yet makes rich, wonderful coffee) and the Keurig single cup (which is about as easy as you can get). However, I came to appreciate the simplicity and charms of the BrewStation.
Starting a 12 hour drive at 6 in the morning, in the pouring rain, with an engine warming light and a quirky transmission? Not so fun. Having the light go away and everything return to normal after the first pee break? Better.
There's something thoroughly "Aughts" (at the end of the decade, have we finally decide that this is the preferred nomenclature?) about three people sitting in the same room watching TiVod shows, all with their own laptops and BlackBerries in front of them. (I recall the same "type" of thing growing up, except that the shows were live, necessitating group bathroom or popcorn breaks with everyone doing a mad scramble during the commercials, and instead of laptops, it was comic books, cross word puzzles and the National Enquirer).
Big decisions are looming.
I don't know how I made road trips before the advent of XM radio, iPods, podcasts and audiobooks.
Speaking of road trips, if I had kids (and thank Zeus I don't), I would never complain about them wanting to make frequent stops. I think on the way home from Georgia, I pulled over for coffee, gas and/or bathroom breaks 11 times.
You don't really appreciate how fucking awesome HD is until you watch it for a month, then return to a life of SD. I miss you, razor sharp blades of football field grass and bad actor complexions.
After careful consideration and much experimentation, I think I've finally come to the conclusion that the DirecTV DVR is an almost worthy alternative to the TiVo. (Gasp!)
Easy way to lose weight: don't fucking eat.
Small children don't seem to appreciate my ability to sculpt Mickey Mouse out of Play Doh.
Two words I would love to never hear again: "Favre" and "Tebow."
I have a sleeping disorder (complete with tubes and machines!), yet I can't doze off without the television on. However, the TV sleep timer is an invaluable aid to getting full REM sleep. Average wake up time with a sleep timer utilized? 6 - 6:30. Without? 7:30 - 8.
The Braves at least made it interesting for a while there, didn't they? A touch more hitting next year (and a bit less manager-directed work for the 'pen), and this club is a contender.
Lots of people are awfully nice, but I'm still afraid of most of them.
It doesn't matter where they are located, treadmills are still the most boring thing ever.
If Tony Romo keeps playing this way for my fantasy team, I think I'll wind up hating him more than TO and Jessica Simpson combined.
I don't care how many debates we have about it, the best way back from Sanford Stadium to the tailgate spot is via the Legion/Creswell route, and not the straight up Baxter Bataan Death March.
How do Lou Holtz and Mark May stay employed?
I've never purchased anything from E-Bay before. After the Great Freebird Satellite Debacle, I'm certainly less inclined to do so. (But for the viewing audience, all's well that ends well, I guess).
The Thursday television schedule is still a brutal trainwreck of epic proportions. I can't ever recall, in my decades of TV watching, that many interesting shows all stacked up at the same time.
Most effective method for getting "cat food dye" out of light colored carpet? A homemade concoction of vinegar, baking soda, hydrogen peroxide and Oxy-Clean. Better solution? "Natural" cat food, without coloring or dye. (Hell, "brown" is more appetizing to me than "orange and yellow" too).
I would be (more) suicidal with life as a professional gambler. First week tailgate pick 'em pool? Winner, winner, chicken dinner. Next week? 0 for motherfucking 10. I don't think that's been done in the pool before, and you need a special kind of ineptitude to put up that "score."
Did I mention good friends are worth their weight in gold? Cuz they are.
More later, y'all.