Just how bad is it?

Georgia's demolition (again) at the hands of the Gators wasn't unexpected, given the recent history between the two programs. There may have been a glimmer of hope coming into the game, in that we had two entire weeks to prepare and Florida had looked less than stellar on offense for the last few games. However, if your O isn't clickin', UGA has just the prescription to fix what ails ya: a healthy does of "D," Free-Willie Style.

I'm going to take a look at some defensive history here, though that in no way excuses the rest of Saturday's debacle: The ridiculous "weak sauce" of the surprise XFL uniforms. The inability of our QB (a supposed "game manager" and studious 5th year senior) to not lock onto receivers, throw the ball away, or hit his target accurately. The rampant and continuing lack of discipline on both sides of the ball, resulting in yet another avalanche of debilitating penalties. The juvenile and minor league sideline celebrations. The bang your head against a granite countertop, inexplicable special teams coaching. The befuddling result of two weeks of coaching preparation that promptly put us down by two touchdowns in a matter of minutes. (Not that there weren't some bright spots amidst the Halloween horror. Butler and Walsh continue to perform at an All-American level. The running game actually looked solid. The offensive line coalesced somewhat. Bobo's playcalling didn't make me want to set myself on fire).

Once again in an important game, the defense of Willie Martinez was poorly schemed, woefully prepared and exhibited the sturdiness of Charmin in a rainstorm. Just how bad has it gotten? Let's take a stroll down memory lane, shall we?

Note: when we refer to "major rival" games, I'm including scores from (only) games against South Carolina, Clemson, Tennessee, Florida, Alabama, Auburn, LSU and Georgia Tech). All other statistics come from the season's full slate of opponents, including in and out of conference teams, bowl games, SECCGs and the smattering of home game cupcakes.

First up, let's take a look at the scoring statistics from some underperforming teams from the Goff era:

H/C	Goff	Goff	Goff
D/C	Bell	Bell	Bell
Yr	1989	1990	1993
Record	W6 L6	W4 L7	W5 L6
Avg Pts Allowed	16.5	27.5	26.3
Avg Pts Allowed in Loss	21.7	32.4	31.2
For Rival Games Only
Avg Pts Allowed per Game	20.8	29.8	29.2
Avg Pts Allowed in Loss	23.5	32.6	27.2

The D actually put up some decent numbers in Goff's first year, giving up only 16.5 points on average, 21.7 points in the six losses. Also, in all three years, the difference between the average performance of the D and the performance of the D in the "games that matter" wasn't that much - a delta of 2 - 4 points.

Now let's take a look at Goff's next two teams, when he changed D Coordinators twice:

H/C	Goff	Goff
D/C	Campbell	Kines
Yr	1994	1995
Record	W6 L4 T1	W6 L6
Avg Pts Allowed	25.7	23.4
Avg Pts Allowed in Loss	37.6	33.7
For Rival Games Only
Avg Pts Allowed per Game	27.1	29.6
Avg Pts Allowed in Loss	29.0	37.5

The points given up by the D remains, on average, in the mid-20s. However, you start to notice something: When we lose, we're giving up points by the bushel. Especially in the games that matter. (Compare the 37.6 ppg given up in a loss during the Swamp Fox's time on the sidelines to Goff's first year, when we only gave up 21.7 ppg. Also, in Goff's last season, we surrendered an average of 29.6 ppg against our rivals, and a whopping 37.5 ppg in losses to them).

That, among many other things, was enough to get Goff fired. So let's take a look at two Jim Donnan squads. His first and his last:

H/C	Donnan	Donnan
D/C	Kines	Gibbs
Yr	1996	2000
Record	W5 L6	W8 L4
Avg Pts Allowed	23.4	17.7
Avg Pts Allowed in Loss	27.5	27.8
For Rival Games Only
Avg Pts Allowed per Game	37.8	27.8
Avg Pts Allowed in Loss	43.3	27.8

Average ppg allowed from Goff's last year to Donnan's first was about the same, and we improved by almost a TD in our performance in a loss. But look how we performed against our primary rivals: Giving up just shy of 38 ppg and over 7 TDs per game in a loss against rivals. Yikes. The D improved (how could it help but?) by the end of the Donnan regime, giving up an average of 17.7 ppg, but look at those last three numbers from 2000. Do they seem similar? That's because they are all the exact same. We lost four times. We gave up 27.8 ppg in those four losses. And all four were against our primary rivals. And that was all she wrote for Coach Donnan.

So how does that career-killing performance compare to the Men of Martinez? Well, let's go to the numbers (note: full season for 2008, season to date 8 games for 2009)

H/C	Donnan	Richt	Richt
D/C	Gibbs	Willie	Willie
Yr	2000	2008	2009
Record	W8 L4	W10 L3	W4 L4
Avg Pts Allowed	17.7	24.5	29.4
Avg Pts Allowed in Loss	27.8	45.0	32.5
For Rival Games Only
Avg Pts Allowed per Game	27.8	35.8	35.8
Avg Pts Allowed in Loss	27.8	45.0	35.3

Almost any way you look at it, the D that got both Donnan and Gibbs shitcanned was appreciably better than what's been going on in Athens the last couple of years. This year's 29.4 ppg given up is the highest of ALL the years compared. Willie's 35.8 ppg in the games that matter (for two years running) is astonishingly high (more than five TDs per game!) and second only to the Donnan/Kines debacle from 1996.

Whew. That hurts my retinas just looking at it (and without an eye gouge courtesy of Brandon Spikes). How do all these porous units compare the "Glory Days?" Glad you asked. Here are the same categories of numbers from a few SEC Championship squads:

H/C	Dooley	Dooley	Richt
D/C	Erk	Lewis	BVG
Yr	1980	1981	2002
Record	W12 L0	W10 L2	W13 L1
Avg Pts Allowed	11.4	10.2	15.1
Avg Pts Allowed in Loss	0	13	20
For Rival Games Only
Avg Pts Allowed per Game	17.2	7.7	17.3
Avg Pts Allowed in Loss	0	13	20

THAT, my friends, is what good D looks like. Now, every year can't be a championship year, but there's a vast gulf between giving up 10 - 15 ppg on average, and almost 30. And there's a Big Damned Difference between holding your rivals to 17 points (or 7.7!) and the current Willie benchmark of over 35.

Now, is this a fair analysis? We all know the old saying about statistics. And there are a lot of variables to consider, too. Injuries. The changing nature of the game, and the more prolific offenses of recent years. The longer schedule and additional games. The varying quality of opponents on the schedule, and the up and down cycles of the conference and our primary rivals. But you can draw a few conclusions:

• We're currently performing on D at a level that historically, has gotten people fired.
• Even worse, in the games that matter most to the team, to the coaching staff, to the players, to recruiting, to championship aspirations, to the alumni base, to the monetary contributions, to the regional and national media and to the overall shine and health of the program....we're getting killed. And getting killed at an exponentially horrifying clip.
• Despite protestations of hard work and buckling down; and despite the glow of highly ranked recruiting classes from fertile ground, we're just not getting any better. In fact, we're getting worse. Much, much worse.
• Whatever magical juju it is that makes Dawgs into "Junkyard Dawgs," we haven't found it recently. And I'm not a coach (nor have I been in "The Arena"), but I don't think the answer lies in garish fashion statements or aggressiveness that results in penalties (penalties that extend opponent drives, shortchange our drives, and yet don't add any intimidation or productivity to the whole mess).

So how bad is it on D? And where's rock bottom? The numbers will bear that out, but the most important question is, what the hell are we gonna do about it?

Can't Hurt

So, what does one lone fan, many miles away from Jacksonville, do to create some positive juju for The World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party?

This morning, watched every available youtube video I could find with Dawg highlights of victory over the lizards.

Mixing up potent cocktails in a "Run, Lindsay, Run!" stadium cup.

Wearing the Dawg sweatshirt with the winningest record in the wardrobe.

Drank the morning java in a UGA mug.

Changed my twitter icon:

Listened to the "Best of Munson" iTunes mix this morning while assembling the potpourri post.

Tossed half a carton of OJ out this morning, even though it was within the expiration date, because you just can't have anyfuckingthing orange in the house today.

Switched to a new CrackBerry wallpaper:

Realistically and statistically, it appears we're going to get hammered. But it all can't hurt, right?

I'll take potpourri for $6,800, Alex

Don't forget to set your clocks back tomorrow. It's cheaper than building a DeLorean, and where the hell can you find a flux capacitor these days?

Best and Worst Dollhouse "imprints."

15 Celebrity Halloween suggestions.

7 Questions that keep physicists up at night.

Speaking of Dollhouse, here's a fun quiz. (And yes, I got 15 of 15 correct. And yes, I'm a geek).

Interesting recounting of 10 artists who hate their biggest hits.

Orci and Kurtzman (of Trek, Fringe and sadly, Transformers fame) are producing a new movie based on the legendary pulp character Doc Savage. I loved those novels as a kid, and think in the right hands, this could be awesome. Even better? Shane Black is writing the script.

TWOP Gallery of the biggest nerds/brains on television.

Aaaaah! Eye bleach. Celebrity cameltoes.

A great compilation: the definitive list of cliched dialogue. (See how many you recognize and chuckle all the way through. Aside: at a weekly trivial contest, we were asked for the "five words spoken most frequently in motion picture history." I'm not sure how this was determined, but the correct answer was #3 on this list).

A Q&A with Lost producer Damon Lindelof.

Also from Pop Candy, 5 things you should know about Caprica, the BSG spinoff starting soon.

The 20 Worst Sequels to Good Movies.

Timmy Tebow is up for a scholar athlete award. I'm assuming his studies don't include any history, science or other classes that might date the earth more than 6.000 years. Speaking of little perfect Timmy, someone at the Red & Black is probably going to be kidnapped and burned alive for heresy.

An awesome collection of badass Batman illustrations.

Great piece from HitFix about watching Dollhouse.

The WSJ talks to the gorgeous Morena Baccarin, about V (which starts next week! Set your TiVos!)

A lengthy, and fascinating, AICN chat with Lance Henrickson.

A nice graphic guide to twist endings.

Okay, they are actually making a $175 figurine based on one of the worst scenes from the awful Indiana Jones sequel? Really? What's next? Figurines based on the "coarse sand" sweet talking from the Star Wars prequels? Of Malin Ackerman reciting dialogue from Watchmen? A collectible depicting the entirety of Transformers 2? Nuke the fridge indeed.

By now, everyone has seen the stunning pix of January Jones in GQ. Huffington Post has some hard hitting journalism determining whether or not her tits were airbrushed.

Larry David feels just like I do about his BlackBerry. And kids.

Even if you're not a dog person, you'll still mist up watching this.

Brilliant but Canceled: Sci-fi and supernatural shows killed before their time.

Good list of the 10 Funniest X-Files episodes. (Their #1 is mine also, and still makes me laugh).

10 Best Rock Anthems.

Your How I Met Your Mother translator.

For old nerds: 10 Best (and 6 worst) TSR games that weren't Dungeons and Dragons. (Yep, I had 7 of the "best" and fortunately, none of the "worst").

That was nerdy. This? Well, judge for yourself. It's a dude covering Eminem songs. In Klingon.

To our friends across the pond....Sorry.

Sure there was that little matter of "taxation without representation." But recently, the English have given us Spaced, The Office, Shaun of the Dead, Doctor Who and Torchwood. And we send them the Tampa Bay Buccaneers? For shame. Even if you factor in the Beckhams and the remake of Coupling, that just doesn't seem fair. But the Brits weren't the only ones to watch some terrible pigskin.

This was just an awful weekend of football. My alma mater (mercifully) didn't play, the SEC games were close but uninspiring (and again marred by horrific officiating), the remaining college contests were lackluster, the NFL was full of (mostly) uninteresting blowouts and the Falcons got their ass kicked by the Cowpokes. And this was before my brilliant apartment groundskeeper tried to remove my satellite dish just prior to kickoff (fortunately, I noticed the signal go blank and was able to run down to the street as he was putting the fucking dish in his van). Plus, in my fantasy league, I have Eli Manning and Tony Romo as QBs, and the only way to ensure a statistically superlative performance by one is to pick the other to start for me.

Also, Monday Night Football looks like a terrible matchup, with Ron Mexico wandering one sideline, and on the other, a guy calling plays who only a couple of weeks ago was yelling out "B-31!" in a bingo parlor. And this on a night when House, Big Bang Theory and How I Met Your Mother take the evening off.

Sigh.

Can you abort a fake baby?

Or rather, can you abort a storyline about a fake baby? Because tonight is Glee night, friends, and the story about Terri Schuester's fake baby is a four ton anchor strapped to the wings of a candy coated Concorde trying to soar into the skies.

Glee is unlike anything on TV today. An over the top melodrama-musical-hourlong sitcom filled with wafer thin characters and plot holes bigger than Kanye's ego that succeeds in spite of all of this, because it's a big box of fun wrapped up in a sparkly joie de vivre paper and topped with a huge bow of wit, placed under the Nasty Tree for opening on Sarcasm Day. The characters are broadly sketched, yes, but so capably and endearingly performed (dramatically, comedically and musically) that Glee overcomes almost all of its foibles. And of course, the incomparable Jane Lynch as Sue Sylvester simply PWNS every scene she's in.

So what's the problem, you ask?

Well, it's the FAKE FUCKING BABY.

Look, I normally hate kids on my shows -- especially babies. I just don't have the patience for it. Have no interest in it. Don't care about the struggles and don't go "awwwww" every time a character gets all schmoopy about motherhood, fatherhood, or the miracle of life. But that's not it. No, it's the utter unbelievability of the FAKE FUCKING BABY as a storyline. (And this is from a show that features Mercedes not realizing Kurt is gay and falling in love with him. That features Emma deciding to marry the coach even though she's in love with Will. That features Terri getting hired (for a day) as a school nurse without any applicable background. That features a skeevy possible pedophile getting hired back into the school district. That features a lead character so dumb and naive that he thinks he impregnated his girlfriend via his sperm doing the backstroke in a hot tub). Every time the FAKE FUCKING BABY comes up, I shudder and reach to change the channel. It takes me right out of the giddy trance the rest of the show has put me in.

I mean, it's not like I can't accept some weird, otherworldy or preposterous situations on my favorite shows. For example, many of the programs on the top of my TiVo season pass showcase:

• People that are wiped clean mentally via computer and assume the personality and skills of ninjas, mothers, hookers, social workers, dead people and assassins.
• An island that travels in time and disappears, and has a smoke monster and polar bears on it.
• Police departments and government organizations that week after week allow fake psychics, OCD detectives, pulp thriller authors, facial lie detection experts, twitchy mad scientists, mathematicians and convicted criminals to help them solve crimes.
• Pill popping, snarky doctors that offend everyone around them and consistently violate the laws of man, decorum and the land to treat patients and stay gainfully employed.
• A serial killer, who works for the police force and moonlights as a married father of three, all while butchering only other really bad people.
• A world where everyone blacked out for a couple of minutes and had a vision of the future, and all the related issues are trying to be solved by a couple of folks and a website.
• Two brothers, destined to be the meat puppet vessels of the angel Michael and Satan himself, who drive around the countryside killing demons and helping people with their supernatural problems while trying to avert the coming apocalypse.
• A kickass government agent and high efficiency killing machine who regularly stays up for 24 hours straight, without eating, taking a shit or having his cell phone battery go dead.

You get the picture. My suspension of disbelief goes a LOOOOOOOOOOOOONG way.

But the FAKE FUCKING BABY? No.

Even though they worked in a half-assed plot thread last week about "staging" an ultrasound, how in the blue hell is this thing supposed to work?

First, you're telling me that Will, no matter how many late nights he spends trying to find another song for the Glee Club to perform or sharing hand sanitizer with the moon-eyed Emma, doesn't ever see his wife without her shirt on? Never catches her in the shower? Never sees her changing clothes? Doesn't snuggle up to her at night? And from TV (and thankfully, no personal experience), I've learned that dads want to actually touch the gestating bundle of expense, mess and noise growing in their partner's belly. None of this has happened? Really?

And second, I know Terri is written as being a bit dim and desperate, but what the hell is her final plan? Quinn goes into labor at the exact same time that Terri does? And they are in the same hospital? And Will isn't allowed in the delivery room? And no one else is either, except for the doctor she's bought off/blackmailed into helping her? And as soon as Quinn squirts out her little bundle of joy (also in a delivery room with no one else present), someone (maybe Terri's sister) swaddles it up, takes it away, and places it inches from Terri's vagina and declares "oh lookee what I found!?" And Terri tosses her fake belly in the delivery room trash can? And Quinn and her family and everyone else just assumes the magically disappearing baby ran straight from her uterus to a worthy adopting family, with zero post-birth medical care nor any official records? And the hospital staff doesn't catch on to this? And no one else notices this? Not even when the baby turns out to be sporting a mohawk?

Really, Glee? REALLY?

Where the hell can we go from here? Personally, I think Jessalyn Gilsig is a fine actress, and doing absolutely all she can with the worst major series plotline since a "sketch comedy show" spent untold eye-rolling hours dealing with a hostage crisis and a soldier STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF AFGHANISTAN! Obviously, Terri's lies need to unravel, and unravel quickly for the show to have any shred of believability, even in a gleefully heightened reality like the one on the show.

So how do you feel about the FAKE FUCKING BABY, TNRLMers? (choose as many answers as applicable, and sound off in the comments if you like)

Tuesday is leftover pizza

Tuesday night is really the worst night of television of the entire week. Looking back at my fall season preview for Tuesday, I only listed four programs capable of making their way onto my TiVo. (For comparison, Thursday has TEN!) One of them (V) won't start for a while, one already concluded its delightful and promising summer run (Warehouse 13), and one is a passably entertaining procedural (NCIS) that I watch as I go to sleep (though it does continue to build as a ratings powerhouse, frequently ranking #1 in total viewers). Only the dark, engaging, challenging and well-crafted biker drama Sons of Anarchy stands out at all.

Obviously, it would be nice if the networks moved some of the shows from elsewhere on the schedule into the Tuesday void, but A. they're probably afraid of the NCIS juggernaut, and B. Tuesday isn't, as a whole, a well viewed night for advertising (again, compared to Thursday, which gets a lot of advertiser support, particularly for clients looking to motivate weekend purchases).

However, there are a few things that brighten up the night.

First, there are the TiVo carryovers that I haven't gotten around to watching yet, like last night's Castle, which just got an order for a full season. Huzzah! (Mondays are usually pretty busy, with Big Bang, HIMYM, House, Lie to Me and Monday Night Football).

Second, we have two outstanding documentaries going on. On IFC, there's the insightful and laugh out loud six part doc on Monty Python (which is entering its third episode tonight, and is really very good thus far). On ESPN, there's the third episode of their 30 for 30 series, which is surprisingly (and thankfully) free of the usual grating ESPN bombast and self-promotion, instead giving the creators total control of their hour. Tonight is a look at the USFL, which should be fun.

I guess it helps to have a "catch up" night, but man do I wish some of the scripted favorites would relocate.

I'll take potpourri for $6,700, Alex

I might have Jedi Swine Flu, since my midichlorian count is low.

Well, it's been a while since we did a roundup of fun stuff from around the interwebs. Here we go:

Total Sci-Fi Online lists the 100 Best Sci-Fi Movies of All Time.

Total Film has the recipe to make a Hitchcock movie.

7 Greatest Butlers in nerd-dom.

I don't necessarily agree with the list, but Den of Geek! has an interesting take on the 10 Best episodes of Angel.

9 Great movie monologues.

A great NY Times contributor op-ed about the NIH appointment. (and a more thorough follow up).

AMC lists the Top 10 Close Encounters of the Scintillating Kind.

Empire lists 10 Rules for Time Travel.

God, does this bring back memories. 10 Horrible Paintings from Atari 2600 Game Boxes. I think I had most of those (except soccer. It's lame even in a video game).

I think we all know my stance on this, but maybe prayer does work.

40 Best College Football Villains.

50 Greatest Movie Sequels. (Really?)

The A to Z of Quentin Tarantino.

Speaking of A to Z, this is just AWESOME.

For TV Nerds: The 100 Most Iconic TV Openings.

Sam Beckett's 10 strangest Leaps.

The best sci-fi show you've never seen. (Man, this was good. I was sad when it didn't make it to series)

20 Best Monty Python sketches, with video! Speaking of which, is everyone else setting their TiVos for the 6 hour Python documentary on IFC next week? If you're not, you should, dammit.

9 movies that always make guys cry. Yep.

Hey, someone actually raises a question about the Tebow cult. How refreshing. Related: what athletes are going to burn in hell?

Top 10 Scandals in College Sports (proud my alma mater -- of the "how many points is a three point shot worth?" fame -- shows up here. Thanks, Harrick!)

Empire's 100 Sexiest Movie Stars (50 guys, 40 gals. And Grace Kelly, my eternal #1, is only #40 on the list? For shame, voters).

Well worth 6 minutes of your time

I linked to this in one of my previous "potpourri" roundups this summer, but it deserves a revisiting. The fine and witty folks over at Pajiba compiled a great list of the "Other 100 Best Movie Quotes of All Time." (compared to the classic, if a bit expected, lists usually assembled by AFI or some other organization).

The list itself is a good one, and includes many I reference on an almost daily basis. Well, their video editor went a step above and beyond, and compiled them all in video form. Enjoy:

The Willie Martinez Employment Act (Part 3)

Since it's quite apparent we've reached a point in his University of Georgia coaching tenure where Defensive Coordinator Willie Martinez can no longer adequately perform the duties he has been given, we here at TNRLM thought we would offer some suggestions on future employment opportunities where his unique "skills" might be put to better use.

Job Opportunity:
Toll Booth Manager

Why Willie is a Good Fit:
Quite used to deploying his charges, only to have wave after wave of north-south travelers with someplace to go run through his strategic bulwark, which offers only minor inconvenience.

 Of course, from 2001 - 2004 this was the more likely result.

The Willie Martinez Employment Act (Part 2)

Since it's quite apparent we've reached a point in his University of Georgia coaching tenure where Defensive Coordinator Willie Martinez can no longer adequately perform the duties he has been given, we here at TNRLM thought we would offer some suggestions on future employment opportunities where his unique "skills" might be put to better use.


Job Opportunity:
Major League Baseball Bench Coach

Why Willie is a Good Fit:
Often, the responsibilities of the Bench Coach include positioning the defensive players so that a catch can easily be made, free of distractions.

As we've seen several times this year, Coach Willie does an excellent job of putting the defensive players in a position so that a catch can be made without impediment.

(Unfortunately for UGA fans, said catches are made by the opposing team, but this knack for allowing hassle-free catches should translate well to baseball. After all, in both baseball and UGA's defensive outings, it appears only one team is allowed to be around the ball as it descends into awaiting hands).

The Willie Martinez Employment Act (Part 1)

Since it's quite apparent we've reached a point in his University of Georgia coaching tenure where Defensive Coordinator Willie Martinez can no longer adequately perform the duties he has been given, we here at TNRLM thought we would offer some suggestions on future employment opportunities where his unique "skills" might be put to better use.

Job Opportunity:
Bullfighter

Why Willie is a Good Fit:
Bullfighters wave something red, only to have "opponent" run through it, momentum frequently undeterred.

Failure to competently perform even the "Ole!" can often leave the bullfighter in less than healthy condition.

Hey there. Long time no blog.

Well, hello there blogverse. It's been a while. I would love to say that I've been an absentee landlord of these here parts because I've been on a fulfilling spiritual quest; seduced by a winsome nerd girl; or plotting how to spend my recent Mega Millions win (first on the agenda: "endow" a salary for a UGA special teams coach. Second? Fund a full season of a Whedon TV show and tell Nielsen families to go fuck themselves). However, that simply isn't the case. I made a long trek back to the motherland to see some friends and football, and have really just been suffering from a debilitating ennui.

So, I hope to get back to regularly blogging about television, pop culture, life and sports, but we'll just have to see how it goes, okay? In the meantime, here are a few random observations I made during my time away:

When you go through security at a college football stadium with a flask, never deviate from what's been successful. For example, if in two decades you've never been snagged by the popo with the brown elixir of life hidden in your waistband against the small of your back, then don't suddenly decide to just leave it in your back pocket on the day of the biggest home game of the season. (Related: watching a game at your local pub with other rabid fans gives you the opportunity to see endless replays of the incompetence of SEC refs over and over).

Good friends are worth their weight in gold.

The digestive system of a cat seems inextricably tied to its need for attention.

Cruel and unusual punishment for a southerner? Living in a state without a Krystal, Zaxby's or Waffle House.

You can never have enough half and half. Also, when you drink a LOT of java, it helps to have an easy to use coffee maker. At home, I use a combination of the Grind n Brew (which is not so user friendly, especially for that second pot of the morning, yet makes rich, wonderful coffee) and the Keurig single cup (which is about as easy as you can get). However, I came to appreciate the simplicity and charms of the BrewStation.

Starting a 12 hour drive at 6 in the morning, in the pouring rain, with an engine warming light and a quirky transmission? Not so fun. Having the light go away and everything return to normal after the first pee break? Better.

There's something thoroughly "Aughts" (at the end of the decade, have we finally decide that this is the preferred nomenclature?) about three people sitting in the same room watching TiVod shows, all with their own laptops and BlackBerries in front of them. (I recall the same "type" of thing growing up, except that the shows were live, necessitating group bathroom or popcorn breaks with everyone doing a mad scramble during the commercials, and instead of laptops, it was comic books, cross word puzzles and the National Enquirer).

Big decisions are looming.

I don't know how I made road trips before the advent of XM radio, iPods, podcasts and audiobooks.

Speaking of road trips, if I had kids (and thank Zeus I don't), I would never complain about them wanting to make frequent stops. I think on the way home from Georgia, I pulled over for coffee, gas and/or bathroom breaks 11 times.

You don't really appreciate how fucking awesome HD is until you watch it for a month, then return to a life of SD. I miss you, razor sharp blades of football field grass and bad actor complexions.

After careful consideration and much experimentation, I think I've finally come to the conclusion that the DirecTV DVR is an almost worthy alternative to the TiVo. (Gasp!)

Easy way to lose weight: don't fucking eat.

Small children don't seem to appreciate my ability to sculpt Mickey Mouse out of Play Doh.

Two words I would love to never hear again: "Favre" and "Tebow."

I have a sleeping disorder (complete with tubes and machines!), yet I can't doze off without the television on. However, the TV sleep timer is an invaluable aid to getting full REM sleep. Average wake up time with a sleep timer utilized? 6 - 6:30. Without? 7:30 - 8.

The Braves at least made it interesting for a while there, didn't they? A touch more hitting next year (and a bit less manager-directed work for the 'pen), and this club is a contender.

Lots of people are awfully nice, but I'm still afraid of most of them.

It doesn't matter where they are located, treadmills are still the most boring thing ever.

If Tony Romo keeps playing this way for my fantasy team, I think I'll wind up hating him more than TO and Jessica Simpson combined.

I don't care how many debates we have about it, the best way back from Sanford Stadium to the tailgate spot is via the Legion/Creswell route, and not the straight up Baxter Bataan Death March.

How do Lou Holtz and Mark May stay employed?

I've never purchased anything from E-Bay before. After the Great Freebird Satellite Debacle, I'm certainly less inclined to do so. (But for the viewing audience, all's well that ends well, I guess).

The Thursday television schedule is still a brutal trainwreck of epic proportions. I can't ever recall, in my decades of TV watching, that many interesting shows all stacked up at the same time.

Most effective method for getting "cat food dye" out of light colored carpet? A homemade concoction of vinegar, baking soda, hydrogen peroxide and Oxy-Clean. Better solution? "Natural" cat food, without coloring or dye. (Hell, "brown" is more appetizing to me than "orange and yellow" too).

I would be (more) suicidal with life as a professional gambler. First week tailgate pick 'em pool? Winner, winner, chicken dinner. Next week? 0 for motherfucking 10. I don't think that's been done in the pool before, and you need a special kind of ineptitude to put up that "score."

Did I mention good friends are worth their weight in gold? Cuz they are.

More later, y'all.

What To Watch: Fridays

Previously, on TNRLM's What To Watch: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.

Remember when Friday used to be a television graveyard? Well, times are a changin' (at least for those of us old, nerdy and socially averse to spend a Friday night on a couch. Or who, er, have a TiVo). Long the place used to dump unwanted programs or fill with cheap reality drivel, more nets are actually programming Friday with honest to goodness scripted programming. And most of it is actually watchable!

Show	Net	Day	Time	Priority
Law & Order	NBC	FRI	800	Sleepytime
Dollhouse	FOX	FRI	900	Watch
Monk	USA	FRI	900	DVR
Stargate Universe	SYFY	FRI	900	Watch
Numbers	CBS	FRI	1000	Sleepytime
Psych	USA	FRI	1000	DVR
Sanctuary	SYFY	FRI	1000	DVR
White Collar	USA	FRI	1000	Watch

Law & Order: The original returns for yet another season. This programming staple got re-energized with one of its signature cast revamps, and this collection of actors is the strongest the show has had since the Lenny Briscoe glory days. If you gave up some time around "is this because I'm a lesbian?" do yourself a favor and check out the new "kids." (Of course, there's nothing wrong with lesbians. Or Elisabeth Rohm. Or Elisabeth Rohm as a lesbian. I'll be in my bunk).

Dollhouse: Gather round the campfire, and settle in for a long one, because there's a lot to say here. First, and most surprising, is the fact that Dollhouse is coming back at all. Ratings started off low (when it was paired with the equally ambitious and well done Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles), got lower, and then steadied at a level that said "see ya!" Yet FOX, perhaps seeing the show's concepts and presentation get sharper (which would be ironic, since their meddling is what made the first few shows so shaggy) or maybe fearing the wrath of Whedon fanboys (and girls) again after aborting the masterpiece that was Firefly, surprised everyone, including Joss himself, by renewing DH for a second season. They talked about online and DVR viewing, but I would guess one of the biggest factors in the renewal is that the show is produced by sister company 20th Century Fox, so all the ancillary revenue stays in the family, and Whedon fans are nothing, if not obsessive purchasers (he says, looking at his Dollhouse DVD set). Regardless of the reasons, we have season two coming, though it will be inexplicably paired with a couple of FOX's awful sitcoms as a lead in. Hey, you take what you can get. As for the show itself? I've written extensively about it (check the tags), but here's a good way to summarize my thoughts. The wonderful Galactica Quorum Podcast (which previously, was about just what you think it was) asked for feedback on Dollhouse, and I was only to happy to contribute. Most of this made it onto their Dollhouse ep, which you can listen to here. Below, you can find what I wrote to them:

Hey guys. In response to your twitter, here are a few thoughts on Dollhouse. But first, some background on my experiences with the previous Whedonverse series:

• I’m an unabashed Joss fan. That said, I’m not a mindless automaton who will accept everything he touches as handed down from on high.
• Buffy rightly deserves its place in the pantheon of great TV. The first season is a “finding our way” slog though, with a couple of breakout moments.
• Angel similarly took some time to find its voice in the first season, but resulted in a mature, apocalyptic noir that I may have enjoyed even more than the parent show (save the baby arc. For fuck’s sake, please don’t add babies to a show). I loved S5 and thought it got cancelled too soon.
• Firefly was pretty much fully formed and perfect out of the box, and got hosed by FOX.

I was giddy with excitement for Dollhouse. Great cast on paper, solid stable of writers and intriguing concept. Did it deliver on the premise and potential? Kind of:

The first five eps were hit and miss. Only “The Target” and “Gray Hour” worked as solid episodes, and “Stage Fright” is right up there with the worst television ever produced by Whedon (Angel’s “She” and “Provider” and Buffy’s “Teacher’s Pet,” “The Pack” and “Where the Wild Things Are” are similarly terrible). Too much cheesecake (and I say that as a straight male eminently appreciative of Dushku’s sexiness) and way too many “glitches” for a supposedly competent and high priced organization.

“Man on the Street” was the ep where things turned around, and it seemed they really grasped the potential of the series. The home stretch of season one was vastly improved, and very entertaining.

At first, they didn’t really make a case WHY someone would spend all that money to hire a doll. It was a plot hole that stuck out like a sore thumb. And one that could have been easily explained: what you pay for is not ONLY the “special skills” (whether it’s safecracking, midwifeing, spycraft, asskicking or whoring), but the ability to have all the knowledge and experienced wiped without a trace provides an anonymity you can’t get elsewhere.

The whole Alpha story was well done, and Tudyk gave an exceptional performance.

There were great plots twists, that kept you guessing. Alpha. November. Whiskey. Dominic. Adelle’s weekend rendezvous.

From an acting standpoint, there were some distinct highlights, include Olivia Williams (great hopped up on drugs in “Echoes” and revealing more about the character in “Spy in the House of Love”), Enver Gjokaj (good in everything he did), Harry Lennix (appropriately weary and stoic), Fran Kranz (yes, Topher is annoying, like a smarter, caffeinated Andrew from Buffy, but he was written that way and he delivered), Reed Diamond, Mark Sheppard (not given much to do) and of course, Amy Acker, who brings immeasurable depth to everything she does.

Lord knows I love me some Dushku. She was great as Faith, is hot as the surface of the sun, and is, by all account, a great person to boot (her recent trips to Africa, for example). She's smart, funny, ambitious and self-effacing in interviews and on commentaries. But I’m not sure she has the chops to pull off such a multifaceted and constantly changing role and inhabit it fully and believably (losing all traces of the “tough Southie broad.”) I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt, and hope she improves in S2.

Also, though I enjoyed Helo on BSG, Tahmoh was terrible here. I’m sure some of that was the fact that Paul Ballard was written as one of the stupidest characters on TV (Jason Stackhouse notwithstanding. At least Jason is funny).

There’s a lot of potential here, and the questions the show asks – what exactly are we? What is a “soul?” What makes a personality? What’s the morality of programming and renting people? -- are interesting and worth exploring in a weekly high concept drama. Whedon and company didn’t get a handle on it until late in the game of the first season, same as with Buffy and Angel, so here’s hoping that S2 results in a similar leap in storytelling and executional quality. I’d give the whole season a solid “B -.” (First half, C- and second half, A-)

That about sums it up, no? And you bet your ass I'll be watching.

Monk: I'm as weary of the Tony Shaloub Emmy parade as anyone (though he did initially deserve the recognition), but like Adrian Monk, I can be a little OCD, and unless a show totally craps the bed which Monk was verging on, if I have the time, I'm likely to see it through. This being the final season for Monk, I'll be tuning in. I'll give them this, the writing and guesting during this last go round has markedly improved. Ted Levine is underrated and Traylor Howard is adorable.

Stargate Universe: The whole Stargate franchise is an interesting one. While they tried to tackle some big ideas on occasion (a la Trek) with SG1 and Atlantis, it was primarily a light Friday night action adventure diversion, where the heroes dispatched the bad guys with a smile and quip, usually on a planet that looked amazingly similar to a forest in Vancouver. The good thing is that they usually cast very well, and gave viewers the sci-fi equivalent of an Outback Steakhouse. You know what you're going to get, and it went down well. With Universe, they're attempting to break the mold, go a little darker and a little more realistic, and provide an entry point for new viewers unfamiliar with 15+ seasons of Daniel Jackson, Rodney McKay, Samantha Cater and mythology based aliens masquerading as "gods." Will it work? I don't know, but from everything I've seen, they are putting their best foot forward, and having Robert Carlyle as the lead certainly helps establish their quality bona fides.

Numbers: Something I've added to the bedroom TiVo as another enjoyable, funky concept (use math to solve crimes!) procedural. If you're not watching yet, there's probably no need to.

Psych: About to wrap up for the season, to make way for another USA new series, but always fun. How can you not love a show about a fake crime solving psychic that displays such an unabashed love for everything 80s pop culture? Leads James Roday and Dule Hill have unbelievable chemistry, and the rest of the ensemble is solid (and Maggie Lawson is cute as a button). The mysteries, like with Monk, are no great shakes, but the laughs are found in the execution, which offers far more hits than misses.

Sanctuary: This show started as a web only, totally greenscreen/CGI limited series about a mysterious scientist who seeks to assist and study paranormal creatures. The first season, to be honest, was a bit of a snore, picking up toward the end of its run with a deepening mythology and sharper character work. I'll give it another chance, if for nothing else than the boundless charms of lead Amanda Tapping (late of the Stargate franchise). If you've ever seen her in interviews or listened to one of her DVD commentaries, you'll fall hopelessly in love with her. She's hot, smart, funny, sweet as a fresh from the oven cookie and overwhelmingly appreciative of fans.

White Collar: This is USA's latest character based show, about a master thief recruited by the government to help them solve crimes. Track record plays an important role here, as USA has done a fantastic job developing new shows, from the mildly entertaining (Monk, In Plain Sight) to the terrifically executed and must watch (Burn Notice, Psych and even the sadly little watched American adaptation of Touching Evil, which also featured Jeffrey Donovan). Only Royal Pains, which was a ratings success, has felt flat to me. So I'll check out White Collar, which has a good premise and an intriguing cast (Matt Bomer, Tim Dekay, Tiffani Thiessen, Willie Garson and recently added cast regular Natalie Morales, late of last year's Best. Damned. New. Show. The Middleman).

What To Watch: Thursdays

Previously, on TNRLM's What To Watch: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.

It doesn't matter if you are a network executive, a showrunner, a media buyer or a viewer. You might want to rework the U2 anthem to be "Thursday, Bloody Thursday," because the pile up of shows on this, the weekday's most watched night, is going to epic. Thursday has long been a high traffic, high profile night (remember "Must See TV?"), but this year, each and every network (along with some cablers) is pushing their chips to the center and saying "all in." There's probably a little blood in the water, as one of the highest rated shows in recent memory, CBS's CSI: Original Recipe, showed signs of slowing down last year with the departure of star William Peterson.

So what to do here? Probably push your TiVo to the limit, and make some concessions about what to watch at home, what to watch online, and what to catch on DVD.

Show	Net	Day	Time	Priority
Bones	FOX	THU	800	Watch
Flash Forward	ABC	THU	800	Watch
CSI	CBS	THU	900	DVR
Fringe	FOX	THU	900	Watch
Supernatural	CW	THU	900	Watch
The Office	NBC	THU	900	DVR
30 Rock	NBC	THU	930	DVR
Community	NBC	THU	930	DVR
It's Always Sunny in Philly	FX	THU	1000	Watch
The Mentalist	CBS	THU	1000	DVR

Bones: Bones has steadily grown in its time on the air, and become a nice little Moonlighting-esque crime show rounded out by a talented supporting cast. However, there were some serious missteps this past year, culminating with one of the worst season finales I've ever witnessed (if you watch the show, you know what I'm talking about, but suffice to say, an overly complicated coma dream sequence combined with a visualization of a novel in progress that results in character development that doesn't really happen is not how you want to cap off an up and down season). During the season, Booth had several hallucinations (the ghost of a dead war buddy, a hockey player, Stewie from Family Guy) that could have been ultimately explained by his brain tumor. Yet in the episode with the "ghost," the writer/director made a conscious decision to have Brennan actually see and interact with the damned "ghost." How can people, on a non-supernatural show, share a brain tumor created hallucination? Yikes. So, I'll give Bones a shot at explaining some of this away and getting back on track, but it's on a short TiVo leash.

Flash Forward: Interesting premise. Everyone on Earth blacks out for two minutes, seventeen seconds (expected cataclysmic chaos ensues), and has a "vision" of their future, six months from that point. Too high concept? Not sure, but it has an appealing cast, including Joseph Fiennes, John Cho, Jack Davenport, Peyton List (Roger Sterling's new bride!), Courtney B. Vance and Lost's Dominic Monoghan and Sonya Walger. It's based on a novel by Robert Sawyer, but will depart dramatically from the book (though it has the blessing of Sawyer, who will also contribute scripts to the show).

CSI: Still the best of the CSIs (though that's not saying much these days), this old warhorse went through some serious upheaval. Peterson left, and was replaced (awkwardly) by Laurence Fishburne. Great actor, but I'm not sure his character "clicked" with the rest of the cast. Jorja Fox, who I can't stand to watch, also left the show, but apparently, she will be returning in some capacity this season. One of the few new characters they introduced, Lauren Lee Smith's Riley, leaves the show, which I view as a loss. Still, the writing here is sharp (with plenty of geek scribes on staff, including some from Trek and BSG -- the murder at a sci-fi convention was a highlight last year) and the "lab rats" are consistently amusing. I'll probably keep my season pass, albeit on a secondary DVR (or west coast feed).

Fringe: Like most new shows, Fringe had problems figuring out a consistent tone and style of storytelling during its freshmen debut. However, it got much, much better as the season progressed, and it features one of best casts on TV, anchored by Anna Torv, Joshua Jackson, Blair Brown, Lance Reddick and Emmy worthy scene stealer John Noble as a literal mad scientist. (Many critics were divided on Torv, but I think she played what they gave her beautifully). Spock himself, the legendary Leonard Nimoy, will build on his cameo at the end of season one as the mysterious William Bell, and the reveal of an "alternate reality universe" gives this tech-driven X-Files for a new generation plenty upon which to build new mysteries and thrills.

Supernatural: I was late the Winchester brothers party, and caught up last year via a DVD binge, but it was well worth it. (Noted TV critics Mo Ryan and Matt Roush did the same thing). I had initially dismissed the show as yet another featherweight CW teen pander, but boy, was I wrong. Supernatural is a worthy heir to the mantle of shows (like Buffy, Angel, Lost and the X-Files) that effectively and creatively blend thrills, chills, scares and laughs with moving long term storytelling. You'll be on the edge of your seat one moment, then laughing your ass off the next. This year, the show adds to its usual classic rock and monsters sensibility by letting Lucifer walk the earth engaging in an apocalyptic showdown with militant angels. Fun!!

The Office / 30 Rock: The Office is one of those rare shows to effectively handle the "will they or won't they" romantic tension between the leads in a logical and appealing way. Jim and Pam got together, got engaged, and are expecting. While this is great news for the shippers, it puts me on alert, since nothing kills a show for me more than pregnancies and kids. Still, it's very well written and acted, and I'll likely keep it around until the Babies R Us stuff becomes unbearable. As for 30 Rock, no show on TV has a higher laugh per minute ratio.

Community: A new show, headlined by The Soup! snarkmeister Joel McHale and Chevy Chase, looks subversively promising.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: Another show I missed originally, and caught via the power of reruns and the interwebs, but will be adding to the season pass list without hesitation. Sunny isn't for everyone -- the characters are all hilariously self-absorbed and amoral. Take a look through the list of episode titles (which include "The Gang Gets Racist," "Mac Bangs Dennis' Mom," "The Gang Finds a Dumpster Baby" and "Sweet Dee's Dating a Retarded Person") and see for yourself if this appeals to your sensibilities. It certainly does mine, and holy shit is this show laugh out loud funny.

The Mentalist: This was last year's highest rated new show, and it finally made a bona fide TV star out of Aussie Simon Baker (after failed attempts with The Guardian and the sadly little watched Smith). As the wits on USA's Psych like to mock (deservedly so), The Mentalist is basically straight crime procedural version of the former show. Is it "must see" TV? Probably not. Is it one of the better and more engaging crime dramas on? Probably so. Baker is a charming lead, and the supporting cast plays well together. There's room enough on my TiVo for two fake psychic detectives (even if both of them aren't fascinated with pineapples and 80s pop culture references).

Whew. I can smell the DVR overheating now.

What To Watch: Wednesdays

For what to watch on Mondays (and the intro to what to watch), check here. For Tuesday, check here. Which brings us to Humpday!

Show	Net	Day	Time	Priority
Glee	FOX	WED	900	Watch
Law & Order: SVU	NBC	WED	900	Sleepytime
Criminal Minds	CBS	WED	1000	Sleepytime
Nip/Tuck	FX	WED	1000	DVR
South Park	COM	WED	1000	DVR

Glee: Obviously, the big news on Wednesday is Ryan Murphy's new hard to define Glee. Is it a musical? A drama? A comedy? Is it a parody of high school shows? Does it take itself and its characters seriously? I don't know the answers to the questions, but I'm sure as hell going to watch to find out. (for my review of the pilot, check here). Murphy knows his way around part of the genre, based on his track record with the spotty, but often hilarious, Popular. The premiere episode, aired much earlier this year following American Idol, showed a lot of promise (and yeah, who other than me downloaded "Don't Stop Believin" by the Glee cast and wore out their iPod?). School diva Rachel Berry (played by broadway vet Lea Michele) has a soaring and powerful voice, and the teacher in charge of Glee Club is winningly played by Matthew Morrison. And of course, Jane Lynch steals every scene she's in. But will Jessalyn Gilsig's (an actress I really like) one note harpy of a wife wear thin? (For her take on the character, check out this HitFix interview). How much will the musical numbers take you out of the drama, comedy and reality of the show? Will the song selections always be so pop culturally relevant and inspired? We shall see, won't we?

Law & Order SVU: This is another show I tune into out of habit. SVU is actually my least favorite of the franchise, and the season pass is designated "keep until space is needed." Perhaps the return Stephanie March and the usual parade of quality guest stars in lurid plotlines can spice it up.

Criminal Minds: Critics loathe this show, and I can see why. An ex got me to watch a few eps with her; I started watching more regularly, and found it to be an interesting, if occasionally sensationalistic and ghoulish, way to spend an hour with a cast I really like (including major crush Paget Brewster, Matthew Gray Gubler, Joe Mantega, Kirsten Vangsness and AJ Cook -- with occasional guest spots from geek icons like Wil Wheaton and Nick Brendon).

Nip / Tuck: See, THIS is what worries me about Glee. Nip / Tuck started off effectively walking the line between overcooked melodrama and outright camp, and in latter seasons completely went off the rails, barely resembling its originally witty take on superficiality and bromance (effectively sauteed with high concept storytelling and characterization). Still, we're in the home stretch now, and Nip / Tuck will return for a final victory lap, so I'll give it a chance to rebound.

South Park: Last season, with a few exceptions ("Pinewood Derby," anyone?) was just as funny as always.

What To Watch: Tuesdays

For an introduction to "What to Watch" (and a look at Mondays), check here.

Now, on to Tuesday!

Show	Net	Day	Time	Priority
NCIS	CBS	TUE	800	Sleepytime
V	ABC	TUE	800	Watch
Warehouse 13	SYFY	TUE	900	Watch
Sons of Anarchy	FX	TUE	1000	Watch

Tuesday is a lite night for my TV viewing, especially compared to Thursday. Really, the primary highlights are the new V reimagining and the returning Sons of Anarchy (along with soon to conclude Warehouse 13).

NCIS: Like a lot of folks, I caught up on this show via the endless repeats on USA. It's kind of like a country fried steak. Sure, it's not filet mignon, but it's warm, filling and tasty going down. It's a typical procedural, with plenty of great "character work" to go around. And not necessarily character work in the same sense that an HBO, Mad Men or Whedon show would do, but in that we have some broad archetypes here that are winningly and appealingly played, within the constraints of a typical "wrap it up in 44 minutes."

V: For those of us in my age demo, we have fond childhood memories of the original V miniseries. Fascist, red leather wearing, rodent eating alien invaders take over the world? Awesome! Like a lot of network sci-fi from that era, it really doesn't hold up too well under modern viewing standards, but much like Battlestar Galactica, the underlying premise is interesting enough to give it the reboot treatment. And I, for one, will be watching. Even better is the talent behind and in front of the camera, including producers Scott Peters (of the underrated The 4400) and Jeffrey Bell (Angel, Alias and X-Files) and actors Elizabeth Mitchell (the wondrous Juliet from Lost), Joel Gretsch (The 4400) and Morena Baccarin (the impossibly gorgeous space hooker from Firefly).

Warehouse 13: Not sure whether to count this or not, since we only have a couple more eppys to finish in this charming new show's initial run. For more on W13, check out my "Summer TV Report Card." The good news? It's Syfy's biggest scripted hit ever, and has already been renewed for a second season.

Sons of Anarchy: I missed this riveting show during its initial airing, but caught up via reruns and it's definitely a keeper. Part outlaw drama, part Shakespearean meditation (think Hamlet), SOA is like The Sopranos on Harleys. Extraordinarily well cast and well written, SOA wandered a bit during the first season (as most shows tend to do) before really hitting stride during the back half. Last night's premiere kicked off the second season with a vengeance.

What To Watch: Mondays

Fall TV Season is finally upon us, and the season premieres of returning shows and pilots for new shows will start hitting the air soon. I'll be doing a brief rundown, day by day, of the shows I'll be watching this fall, so follow along and add your two cents worth as well. Let's start with Monday:

Show	Net	Day	Time	Priority
Heroes	NBC	MON	800	DVR
House	FOX	MON	800	Watch
How I Met Your Mother	CBS	MON	800	Watch
Lie to Me	FOX	MON	900	DVR
Big Bang Theory	CBS	MON	930	Watch
Castle	ABC	MON	1000	Watch

First, a quick word about what I'm calling "Priority." "DVR" means that I'll TiVo the show, probably get around to watching it, but not necessarily on the night in question. "Watch" means that I'll make every effort to watch the show live (or relatively live, factoring in the 15 minute or so buffer to blast through the commercials). And my third classification (which isn't shown here on Monday) is "Sleepytime." Long ago having tired of the shouty nonsense from SportsCenter anchors and news program hysterical blathering, I like to have a bank of shows built up on the bedroom TiVo to watch as I'm falling asleep. Typically, these are fairly unchallenging but watchable procedurals. Also, my "best of the night" are shown in RED.

Heroes: Call it morbid curiosity or a bad habit, but I'm leaving this on the season pass list despite a continuing (and almost terminal) decline in the quality of the show. Mainly, I like Adrian Pasdar, Jack Coleman and Zachary Quinto as actors, and for the time being, their talents and appeal overcome the charisma void created by the rest of the cast and the plot hole-riddled scripting. Could have the plug pulled in short order if it doesn't improve quickly, though.

House: How has Hugh Laurie not been awarded an Emmy yet? The quality of the individual episodes and plot strands can vary, but there's no doubting the ferocious, multi-faceted and captivating central performance (along with quality work done by the rest of the cast, especially the understated Robert Sean Leonard).

How I Met Your Mother: When's the last time you were so entertained by a show built around a douchey principal character and his uninteresting quest? But the other four characters are so awesome we put up with Ted.

Lie To Me: Like House, the show's plot mechanics can be a bit of a one trick pony, but the lead English import is so damned good, it makes up for it. They did start to show different nuances to the "lie detection" gimmick late in the season, and bringing in Shawn Ryan as showrunner, and Sarah Fain & Elizabeth Craft (late of Dollhouse) as writers should only help the show improve in its sophomore season.

Big Bang Theory: Simply put, my favorite sitcom on TV. BBT grew leaps and bounds in its second season, continuing all the lovably geeky stuff (spot on, while treating it with respect - a difficult tightrope to walk) that made it so appealing in the first place, while rounding out and deepening the initially one-note and troublesome character of Penny. Proof that the "old" three camera sitcom format isn't dead, and can thrive in the right hands.

Castle: Nathan Fillion gets his best role since Captain Tightpants, and has terrific chemistry with stealth hottie Stana Katic in this engaging, breezy, crime drama. Castle feels like it should be on USA network, and that's actually a good thing. (And bonus points for giving me the first kid on TV since Rory Gilmore that I don't want to put into a wood chipper).

It was a good 5:18

For five minutes and eighteen seconds, it looked like everything was “right” in the Dawgverse. UGA took the opening kick in the end zone for a touchback* and then reeled off an impressive opening drive that showed creativity and precision, culminating in a 4 yard TD pass from Joe Cox to Michael Moore.

*UGA fans may be unfamiliar with this term. It’s when the kicker kicks the ball into the endzone, and the receiving team doesn’t run the ball out, giving them a starting position on the 20 yard line.

I don’t know how much, if any, of this drive was pre-scripted, but it was certainly effective. After that drive, however, the offensive wheels came off and it was all downhill. Consider this:

• On that drive, Cox was 2 for 3, for 33 yards and a TD. After that, he was 13 for 27 with a pick and a fumble.
• On that drive, Richard Samuel rushed 4 times for 31 yards (7.75 YPC). After that, he ran 16 times for 56 yards (3.5 YPC).
• In that first 5:18, UGA rushed 7 times for 42 yards (6.0 YPC). The rest of the game, UGA rushed 23 times for 42 yards (1.87 YPC).
• Run/Pass mix on first drive: 7/3. Run/Pass mix remainder of game: 23/27.
• First drive: 80 yards and a TD. Next 11 drives? 186 total yards, 6 punts, 2 fumbles, 1 interception and 1 field goal.

The familiar refrain after UGA losses last year was “Fire Willie Martinez!” And at times, it was hard to argue with that sentiment, watching the D get torched time after time, give up 40+ points on multiple occasions, failing to create turnovers and showing a troubling inability to make tackles. Well, Saturday in Stillwater, you couldn’t pin this loss on Martinez and the D. Yes, the pass rush continues to be anemic. No, once again the Dawgs didn’t create turnovers. But given the odds stacked against them (questionable officiating, ridiculously short fields to defend – only one OSU scoring drive was over 32 yards), the D did their job and it was the O that let this team down, and frankly, signaled that this is going to be a very, very long season.

Before the season, there was great debate over whether Cox would be more like Joe Tereshinski or DJ Shockley. You don’t want to form a complete opinion based on one game, especially one which followed several days of flu-like symptoms, but Joe’s performance was certainly closer to the former than the latter. Passes, even those that were completed, were a little off target and a little late to arrive. Given that, it was even more perplexing that after the first drive, the playcalling mix became more weighted toward the passing game, when it was clear to everyone watching that the QB wasn’t sharp and the receivers weren’t hauling in the waffling floaters that got near them. This was a horrible game for OC Bobo, and a D that doesn’t create turnovers isn’t going to help bail him out.

Despite a career long FG by Walsh and several long punts (aided by a couple of fortuitous bounces) by Butler, the special teams were a disaster once again. OSU averaged almost 34 yards per kick return and 15 yards per punt return.

So let’s sum it all up, shall we?

• After an impressive opening drive, the offense was poorly coordinated and haphazardly executed.
• The special teams continue to be an embarrassment for a top flight college football program.
• The defense performed admirably, but still cannot sack the QB or generate any turnovers.

Given that, I think it’s gonna be a struggle to stay above .500 this year. Hate to say that, and perhaps next week’s home tilt with the Chickens will give us more to work with, but right now the glass is looking half empty.

But we’ll always have that first 5:18.

Reasons not to be excited about college football starting tonight

I kid, of course. I mean it's fantastic that the most awesome thing ever invented by man (part of a short list that includes the TiVo, the interwebs, the blackberry, the grind n' brew coffee maker and whiskey) is starting the season again after what seems like an interminable hiatus. And it should, as always, be a wonderful season, full of twists and turns and drama.

Note: one of the many, many reasons I don't watch reality TV is that in essence, sports IS the ultimate reality TV, only far more entertaining and less manufactured (and with fewer Kardashians, Pratts and Partridges).

That said, there are things I'm absolutely dreading about the upcoming college football season, including (but not limited to):

• Mark May.
• Lou Holtz.
• The hype Notre Dame will get for running through a schedule equivalent to what my single A high school played back in the 80s (surprised the Domers didn't pay Georgia School for the Deaf for one of Jesus-mandated required 7 home games).
• FOX still covering several of the BCS games.
• The unrelenting and unprecedented media felating of future UFL fullback and televangelist Tim Tebow.
• Kenny Chesney and Dave Matthews Band doing music for ESPN college football coverage. (Really, it takes a special kind of douchebaggery to make you long wistfully for the days of Big & Rich).
• No smoking in the stadium breezeways.
• The ridiculous effort it takes inside Sanford to get a stadium cup full of ice water as a mixer (really, folks, don't ruin good whiskey or bourbon with sugary soft drinks).
• The mainstream media's continued "grudge" or apathy toward Georgia. (Has a program from a top tier conference, with such a recent string of continued upper level performance, ever gotten so little ongoing respect from pundits and journalists?)
• Conversely, the predictable media slurping of the usual suspects (USC, Penn State, Ohio State, Florida, Notre Dame).
• Gameday traffic.
• Television coverage issues. (Right now, my local ABC affiliate is scheduled to show Baylor / Wake Forest Saturday at 3:30, instead of UGA / OSU. Oh, how the viewing needle will move for that epic matchup).
• Predetermined Heismanery.
• Tedious, idiotic, insulting or unlistenable announcing (Pam Ward, Rod Gilmore, Bob Davie, Mike Patrick, among others).
  

Yeah, all that is truly annoying. But the good outweighs the bad by far, no? Time for some football.