Cocktail Party virtually live blog: Third Quarter

Halftime “stories of character.” About a UGA gymnast. As told by Deborah Norville. I know Jane Pauley fans hate her, but she came from the best damned journalism school in the south. And she’s hot. (Sadly, during my time at the Grady school, I don’t remember that many hotties in the J-School. There were a few of course, who made their way to the hot tub on Spalding Circle, but not many around the building as I recall. Of course, I was rarely in class or on campus, despite the A average in the major. Guess I couldn’t play for Dennis Felton).

Start of the third quarter.

Moreno is a beast.

Danielson uses a fight analogy for the pre-game preparation. He suggests that UGA couldn’t have been a counter-puncher and win. That Richt told his team that the Jorts could “smell fear” and that we should play to win. Not bad. We’ve played like winners thus far, but there’s a lot of time on the clock. I can almost hear Munson slowly counting the goddamned seconds in my head.

HUGE run by 24. 42 yards, against an 8 man front. My god, a (redshirt) freshman!

3^rd and goal after two runs by Southerland.

Play fake TD pass to Southerland! They were totally selling out on Moreno. And motion drew away the safety on the passing side. Beautiful call, beautiful execution. 28-17 Dawgs.

There are lots of Allstate commercials. Who does the voice overs for those? Dennis Haysbert. On what show did he play The Most Badass President Ever? 24. Who is number 24? That’s right, Knowshon. Coincidence? Karma? Of course, David Palmer got killed. I’m just sayin’….

Another direct snap to Harvin. Is poor little Timmy’s shoulder hurting? I hope it falls off, like the Black Knight in Monty Python’s Holy Grail. (little known fact: Tebow wrote the first draft of the script for that movie).

Percy also took a huge blow to the right arm/shoulder. I’d love for the Jorts two stars to only have two good arms between them.

3^rd and 6. Didn’t make it.

4^th and 1. Will Tebow run? Fuck. He made it.

No outside coverage on Percy’s run. Another Jorts first down.

Need a stop or a turnover. Of course, 11 is wide-ass open again. Same fucking play to the right side. This has been the only downside to Willie’s playcalling today. Who the hell will cover 11?

Tebow to the 2. And he didn’t even take a good shot.

TD Jorts. Tebow. Can’t he take a shot to the head that would make him believe in mythological entities? Oh wait….

28-24. Two heavyweights, standing in the center of the ring, trading punches. We absolutely must score on this next drive. If we go 3 and out and they get the ball back and score, the 2 and 15 mentality will creep in and all this good work will be for naught.

75 years of SEC history. What do they show? The most “famous call in SEC history.” Run, Lindsay! Verne Lundquist always gives his props to Larry. Good for you, Verne.

Great throw from 7 to Bailey again. Shit. A flag. What’s happening? Against us? That’s huge. We lost a 46 yard gain. Questionable call.

Now Moreno stuffed for a loss. Karma is putting us on the rape stand at Casa Vick.

3^rd and 9. Inside pass to Bailey. Loss. Fuck, fuck, fuck. First punt of the game for UGA.

Block in the back, bitches! A flag.

Score update: UConn beating USF. Quacks beating the condoms. Ashley Judd U goes down to the Mudfoots. Husker (not Bill Adama) winning. Wha- huh?

Big sack on Tebow. 5 today. Equals the number Timmy has been sacked all year. Still no compound fracture, dammit.

Dropped pass. Whew. Flag. On them. Declined. 3^rd and 18.

Completed, and missed tackle. First down. Buttfuck.

Tebow sacked again. Can’t we put him in traction? It would be worth 15 yards. Where’s Albert Haynesworth or Marcus Vick when you need them? Wouldn’t it be awesome to see some silver britches standing over Tebow like Chuck Bednarik? And Tebow could even go on to marry Kathie Lee. That would be a good fit.

(Note: my typing is getting much worse. I’m not Doctor Johnny Fever at the keyboard).

Dropped pass.

3^rd and 18 AGAIN. Can we stop this shit? Does Tebow rhyme with “overthrow?” 7 was wide open. How can that be when we rush only 3?

Punt. Flag. Penalty added to end of run.

First down Dawgs.

Fucking awesome run by Knowshon. Bada Bing! First down.

Trickeration. The reverse would have actually been wide open. Shit. 2^nd and 20. Stafford hides the ball on his hip well, but this hasn’t worked all year.

Too long for 4. Incomplete.

Nothing. Everyone is scoreboard watching.

End of the quarter. Dawgs still up 28-24. Thank god I can walk 10 feet to piss, and not be exposed to Two-Bits’ massive schlong. (Not that we were looking. Gravity draws the eyes, I’m tellin’ ya. Long story).

Back soon….