Good thing Diana Ross wasn't around in 1776*

Because if last week's American Idol Diana Ross Night was engaging in "revolutionary battle" with yesterday's British Invasion Night, we'd all be drinking tea, suffering taxation without representation** and going to the dentist a lot more.

*She may have been, judging by the work done and how much her face moves (or doesn't).
**Hell, we pretty much have that.

Strained metaphors aside, Idol was immensely enjoyable and just about every performer stepped it up from last week's meandering and lethargic mess. Both "coaches" gave solid advice and brought energy and passion to the proceedings. A quick summary:

Haley looked good. She sounded okay. An unspectacular start for the "naughty little thing," as Simon called her, but not horrific like last week. She remembered the words! I hope she sticks around for a while because there's a dearth of eye candy this year.

Peter Noone hit on the head with his advice for Chris R, telling him to watch the whispery, nasally whining. Unfortunately, he had that annoying, nasally, whiny boy-band thing going on, though he did show some decent smoothness and vocal control.

Stephanie made a great song choice, Dusty Springfield's "You don't have to say you love me," but sang all over the chorus and dragged the notes out too long. Not good.

When I heard Blake "beat boxing" with Noone I cringed in terror. But you know what? He quieted that shit and rocked the house with a Zombies tune. THAT was an example of "making it your own." He hit the high notes, played it well and I really, unexpectedly enjoying the hell out of that.

Lakisha did a spectacular version of "Diamonds are forever." Great vocal, big and sassy without overdoing it. Really, really nice.

Phil performed a great, rocking song, "Tobacco Road" and barely did it justice. At times, he shouted the lyrics and at other times, he didn't give them enough bite. A big missed opportunity. On the other hand, "Tobacco Road" is a good choice since he looks like a chemo patient.

Jordin did "I who have nothing" and hit all the huge notes and had depths of emotion. Exceptional, considering her age (17). Definitely one of the best performances of the night.

Sanyjaya. What is there to say? He tried. He made a girl cry. (Not in the same way as people listening through surround sound, I'm sure).

The judges were much tougher on Gina's "Paint it black" than I thought she deserved. I thought it was solid and appealing, and had some personality. Staying or going could depend on what the audience thought of her teary and humbled response to the criticism.

Chris S made a 1000% improvement from last week by not defecating in my ears with some Coldplay mash up. He was actually quite good, and I find the "fro patrol" thing kinda funny, as long as he doesn't turn it into a Taylor Hicks Tourettes weekly spasm.

Melinda didn't know what to choose, and it showed. It wound up being a showtune from "Oliver," and while she was technical proficient and demonstrated incredible pipes, it seemed a little lackluster for me.

TNRLMs Top 3: Jordin, Lakisha, Blake
TNRLMs Bottom 3: Sanjaya, Stephanie, Phil