Saturday, April 24, 2010

I think a chainsaw for a hand would be invaluable in the NFL trenches

Here's a screen capture from this morning's Pro Football Talk headlines:

Bruce Campbell not drafted? The Chin?

You're telling me that an NFL team couldn't use the wily, mojito-soaked support of Sam Axe? The laconic smarts, furious fists and upstanding heroics of Brisco County Jr.? The manic, never-say-die evil fighting of one Ash Williams?

Listen up, you primitive screwheads, you must draft Bruce Campbell.

What about the Broncos? After all, the first time little Timmy Tebow gathers the players for a prayer circle, wouldn't this make a perfect response:
"Well hello Mister Fancypants. Well, I've got news for you pal, you ain't leadin' but two things, right now: Jack and shit... and Jack left town."
Or when little Timmy loses his first game:
"That's it, go ahead and run. Run home and cry to mama!"
What about the Jets? Who can forget Joe Namath with Suzy Kolber? I think Bruce would have fared better:
"Gimmee some sugar, baby."
Or the Colts? Calling an audible at the line like Peyton Manning?
"Look, maybe I didn't say every single little tiny syllable, no. But basically I said them, yeah."
Or the Rams? As an offensive lineman, protecting Sam Bradford?
"Maybe. Just maybe my boys can protect the (QB). Yeah, and maybe I'm a Chinese jet pilot. "

C'mon, NFL GMs. Make the right decision:
"Alright. Who wants some?"

Maybe not the Raiders. Al Davis looks too much like a Deadite.

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