Friday, February 15, 2008

Jack's new advertising campaign is a killer.

Great, funny piece over on TWOP that envisions how 24 would change if other prominent showrunners take the reigns of Jack Bauer's next worst day ever. Take a look at that, smile, laugh and come back.

All done? Good. Most of the obvious choices were taken, but here's TNRLM's stab at one more:

Matthew Weiner

After finding coded messages in a cigarette advertisement about building a nuclear weapon, Jack Bauer goes undercover in a swanky Madison Avenue ad agency, taking Chloe along as his "girl Friday." Playing method actor just like he did when he became addicted to drugs, detoxed and kicked the habit in 11 hours, Jack is consumed with his new identity as Ron Raper, adman extraordinaire, and tries to sever all ties to his former life as a suspect torturing, never pissing, one man killing machine. In fact, Jack is so deep undercover he doesn't notice that everyone is wearing skinny ties and that his magical cell phone that never runs out of power hasn't yet been invented. Meanwhile, office queen bee Joan takes Chloe out for a makeover that turns her boobs into conical weapons of mass destruction, and teaches her the value of not being so sullen to her supervisor and co-workers. Bonding over martinis and ass hugging skirts, Chloe lets slip that Ron isn't really who he says he is. Later, while having convenient three hour lunch sex with agency partner Roger Sterling, Joan outs Ron's identity. Roger is panicked because he intentionally created a shitty image campaign for Richard Nixon while being secretly on the payroll for the Soviets. Chloe passes Ron/Jack some secret intel on mimeograph paper, and remembering his true identity, Jack screams "Dammit!" Jack goes down to Roger's office, pours himself a glass of scotch, smokes a pack of Chesterfields, then bashes Roger's head to a bloody pulp with an IBM Selectric. For good measure, he walks down to Pete's office and asphyxiates him with the laundry bag his tailored suit came in.

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