100 Greatest Songs of the 90s: 100 - 81

100: Rico Suave/Gerado. You have got to be kidding me. THIS is where we start? I’m eyeing bottle of wine number 3. But it’s good to know that Gerado found the lord, and now raps about Jesus. No world on whether Mary Magdalene finds a tight six pack and colorful bandana hot.

99: Can’t Stand the Rain/Missy Elliott: Rap, funk and hip hop gets weird, before it gets thuggish and pedantic. Based on a song from 1974 (which is probably why I like it), this one is pretty cool. Good driving beat and a precursor of “repurposing” songs from another era.

98: Unbelievable/EMF: I probably liked this at one point. Video has painter cap wearing English boys and has a sample from Andrew Dice Clay. Since the 90s, however, this one has been done to death in ads and movie trailers and doesn’t hold up well (much like Norv Turner, who I’m watching on MNF).

97: Gett Off/Prince (and the NPG): Just about every tune from the little purple funkmeister holds up, and this is no exception. This song/video was from the era when Prince had two absolutely smoking hot paramours, named “Diamond” and “Pearl.” One of those chicks went on to portray Jenny Calendar, who got brutally murdered and left in her lover’s bed at the end of a trail of roses, in one of the best ever episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. On the plus side, the phrase “23 positions on a one night stand” entered the lexicon. On the minus side, the soon to be glyph wore an Aunt Jemima headband in the video. If you can get to the 23 positions looking like a pancake syrup icon, I’m going to embark on a career as Mrs. Fucking Butterworth.

95: This is How We Do It/Montell Jordan: I always thought this was Boys II Men or something. Good dance song. “Forget about the drive by” and party the night way.

94: The Way/Fastball: One of my favorite songs of the 90s. This was one of those CDs you buy for one song, and just play the holy hell out of it, not even realizing there may be 9 or 10 other tracks. A perfect pop song.

93: Stay/Lisa Loeb: Hot geek with glasses. Not crazy about the song.

92: 911/Public Enemy: When Flavor Flav took over. With Flavor of Love yet to come, who thought this would be a high point? Still, makers of very large watches rejoiced.

91: Building a Mystery/Sarah McLachlan: Hot chick with short hair and nice lips. It really wouldn’t have mattered much if she should could sing or write songs. Fortunately, should could do both exceedingly well. An ethereal tune that I still enjoy today.

90: You Get What You Give/New Radicals: Though they pointed it out in this special, I did realize this bit of trivia: New Radicals was one guy who had a rotating band of musicians, including the teenage chick from Archie Bunker’s Place. Great 90s song. Vanished to be a producer after the one album.

89: Never Said/Liz Phair: Indie rocker grrrll who I now only remember for singing the soundtrack to women’s hoops commercials on ESPN.

88: Barely Breathing/Duncan Sheik: Song about being in a relationship with someone who is lying to you, but you can’t seem to work your way out of it. Sheik later went on to win a Tony on Broadway.

87: Achy Breaky Heart/Billy Ray Cyrus: Quite possibly the worst hair of all time. The Optimus Prime of Mullets. Makes the Flock of Seagulls ‘do look like something you’d get at Floyd’s barber shop. Knocked someone up, and spawned a multi-million dollar Disney franchise. Oh, and the song sucks.

86: Linger/Cranberries: I knew there was a reason I liked a good portion of the 90s. Another short hair lead singer. And she’s Irish. She probably likes whiskey, potatoes and waking up someplace having forgotten most of the week.

85: Cypress Hill/Insane in the Brain: Nuh-uh.

84: Informer/Snow: Why didn’t the “Canadian Reggae” trend catch on?

83: Cannonball/Breeders: I recognized this song, but had no idea about the title or who did it. Great bass line.

82: Mind Playing Tricks on Me/Geto Boys: Nope.

81: I Don’t Want To Wait/Paula Cole: Even if I had watched Dawson’s Creek, I would still hate this song.