100 Greatest Songs of the 90s: 40 - 21

40. I Wanna Sex You Up/Color Me Badd: You have to give these guys credit for two things: 1. Being straightforward in their request, and not shrouding it in mysterious and oblique metaphor (like talking about a Little Red Corvette or a Raspberry Beret, for example), and 2. serving as the template for this.

39. Iris/Goo Goo Dolls: Schmaltzy song from an awful movie.

38. Genie In A Bottle/Christina Aguilera: The Disney-fied “rub me the right way” would be taken to a whole ‘nother level when little Christina became “Dirrty.” And that, of course, begat this.

37. Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)/Green Day: Good, solid song. But amazingly misunderstood. I read somewhere on the interwebs where this tune is one of the most played at weddings. Perhaps it’s because morons look at the parenthetical title (Time of Your Life), only listen to parts of the song, about having the “time of your life,” and don’t realize the REAL title of the song is “Good Riddance.” It’s a kiss off song. It’s bitter. Warning: may contain sarcasm. Of course, I could be underestimating the marrying folk. Perhaps they actually do realize that true love and marriage is just a ridiculous pipe dream and that it’s eventually going to end in acrimony and shattered dreams, and they’re just getting a head start on it with their choice of song.

NOTE: Another “song that didn’t make the cut” was George Michael’s “Freedom 90.” Really? George finally getting rid of the Wham! image (before later garnering an even less flattering one – maybe he can run on a political ticket with Larry Craig for the “Wide Stance” Party) and making a video with the hottest supermodels of the day? That was directed by one of my favorite directors, David Fincher? That didn’t make the cut? Sheesh.

36. Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)/C+C Music Factory: Nope, that’s not the singer in the video.

35. Wonderwall/Oasis: What’s the Story, Morning Glory is one of the best, if not THE best, albums of the 90s. Both Wonderwall and Champagne Supernova would be in my top 10 songs of the decade. Ryan Adams also did a nice cover of it. This song being ranked 35 is like saying the Patriots had a decent season.

34. Semi-Charmed Life/Third Eye Blind: the show pointed out something kinda interesting. How have you ever really listened to the lyrics of this poppy, upbeat sounding song? Funny.

33. Wannabe/Spice Girls: Zigga Zig Ahh. What the fuck does that mean? The pop music equivalent of huffing from an aerosol can and shotgunning the whipped topping. Not that it wouldn’t be a decent buzz. And for the record, I always liked Sporty. Though Posh currently has the best girl haircut of all time.

32. No Diggity/BLACKstreet: At the forefront of “New Jack Swing.” Of course, how can you have New Jack without Judd Nelson?

31. Creep/Radiohead: Not a bad song (and god knows I appreciate the self-loathing, which was done even better by Beck), but I never quite got into the Radiohead thing.

30. Tearin' Up My Heart/*NSYNC. From Conan O’Brien this year: ''Former 'N Sync member Lance Bass says that before he announced that he was gay, he thought that Justin Timberlake and one of the other guys in 'N Sync were also gay. When asked why he thought that they were gay, Bass said, 'They were members of 'N Sync.'''

29. Ice Ice Baby/Vanilla: Somewhere, sometime in the past, you probably rolled up the windows in your car, glanced around to make sure no one was looking, reached down, wracked with guilt, and turned up the volume when this came on the radio. Word to ya Motha.

28. Livin' la Vida Loca/Ricky Martin: Somewhere, sometime in the past, you probably rolled up the windows in your car, glanced around……

27. Mr. Jones/Counting Crows: Crows lead singer Adam Duritz. Evil mastermind Sideshow Bob. Cavs forward Anderson Varejao. Ever seen all in the same place at the same time? Didn’t think so.

26. My Name Is/Eminem: first time I heard this, I thought “what the fuck is this?”

25. Black Hole Sun/Soundgarden: another happy, uplifting anthem from the grunge era.

24. Jump Around/House of Pain: drunk, Irish white rappers with bagpipes. Yeah, there’s a niche.

23. Whatta Man/Salt-N-Pepa with En Vogue: Okay, first “we’re never gonna get it, never gonna get it” but now “you so crazy, I think I wanna have your baby.” Make up your mind, pricktease.

22. Loser/Beck: A fucking classic. Sing it, Beck.

21. My Heart Will Go On/Celine Dion: Wouldn’t the end of Titanic been so much better, if instead of Leo’s character sinking to the bottom of the sea and freezing to death, it would have been Celine? BEFORE she sang anything?