Can you have a "Cocktail Party" inside?

Today is another installment in the annual bloodletting, er, Georgia - Florida game. Also known as "The World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party." Yes, we will always call it that Michael Adams. Fuck you.

I won't say much about the game itself, other than I'm pessimistic as usual. I fondly recall the days when this "rivalry" was turned completely the other way, with Vince's Junkyard Dawgs frequently making fashionable accessories like shoes, belts and handbags out of ass-whipped gator hide. Sadly, for almost two decades, those tides have turned, and UGA is now the loser of 15 of 17 Cocktail Party gatherings. Cocktail Party? Now more like lame casserole pot luck dinner with neighbors you barely know but still hate because their kids trample your flowerbeds and leave bicycles in your yard. Yes, I'll have a glimmer of hope that we might pull off some improbable upset. Yes, I'll do my part (at home) to put the "cocktail" back in the "party." Yes, I've found a college football player I loathe even more than Danny Wuerffel or Kerwin Bell (that would be deluded holy-rolling, fullback wannabe Tim Tebow. If he is the first sophomore Heisman recipient, and not the historically more deserving Herschel Walker, I may kill myself). Yes, I'll hope we can "Rock the Boat" because "we've got the Kno-Shown." But do I think we can actually win this thing? If I put on my Spock ears and examine this contest completely logically, I begin to look at Jacksonville like a "Dawg" at Bad Newz Kennels looks at a rape stand. How's that for optimism?

Speaking of Jacksonville, there's been a lot of hubub the past few years about moving the game out of J-ville. I certainly understand both sides of the issue. First and foremost, UGAers are desperate to break the streak of futility, and think that a change of venue would bring some good juju. Yep, to do that may indeed bring about some Earl Hickey infusion of Karma, but doesn't that seem a bit like giving up, turning our canine tails and running? A more legitimate reason for the moving the game (permanently or occasionally) to the Georgia Dome has to do with recruiting. The game is played annually on Florida soil and does give a distinct advantage to the Jorts with regard to high school prospects. Why shouldn't we try to even that part of the ledger? And which state gets the economic and tourism boost from the annual match up of the two flagship universities? That would be the one with its denizens disgracefully clad in orange.

Of course, there is the very fiber of college football to consider -- tradition. Except for a stadium renovation project that resulted in a brief home and home series, the game has always been played in J-ville. And fans have their traditions, from staying around island destinations like St. Simons and Amelia to partying like Tommy Lee and Keith Richards at The Landing.

Moving the game to the antiseptic and poorly located Georgia Dome might even a few things up, but would it really be the same? For example, what would this...

"Florida in a stand-up five, they may or may not blitz, Belue third down on the 8, in trouble, he got a block behind him going to throw on the run, complete on the 25 to the 30, Lindsay Scott 35, 40, Lindsay Scott 45, 50, 45, 40. ... Run Lindsay, 25, 20, 15, 10, Lindsay Scott! Lindsay Scott! Lindsay Scott! ... Well, I can't believe it. 92 yards and Lindsay really got in a foot race I broke my chair. I came right through a chair. A metal steel chair with about a 5 inch cushion, I broke it. The booth came apart. The stadium... well the stadium fell down, now they do have to renovate this place... they'll have to rebuild it now. This is incredible. You know this game has always been called the World's Greatest Cocktail Party, do you know what's gonna happen here tonight, and up at St. Simmons and Jekyll Island, and all those places where all those dawg people have got those condominiums for 4 days. Man is there going to be some property destroyed tonight! 26-21, Dawgs on top. We were gone. I'd gave up, you did too. We were out of it and gone. Miracle!"

...sound like if it was played in the Dome?

"Florida in a stand-up five, they may or may not blitz, Stafford third down on the 8, in trouble, he got a block behind him going to throw on the run, complete on the 25 to the 30, Mikey Henderson 35, 40, Mikey Henderson 45, 50, 45, 40. ... Run Mikey, 25, 20, 15, 10, Mikey Henderson! Mikey Henderson! Mikey Henderson! ... Well, I can't believe it. 92 yards and Mikey really got in a foot race I almost broke my chair. I almost came right through a chair. But it was one of those new office chairs from Dome sponsor Staples with about a 5 inch cushion, so I didn't break it. The booth could have come apart, but Arthur Blank really knows his building products, so it hung in there. The Dome?... well the Dome just stayed put. Didn't move an inch. That 1998 Falcons NFC West banner hanging way up on the ceiling waved a bit, but pretty much this entire teal and peach indoor monstrosity didn't budge. But it so lacks in personality I really wish they'd renovate this place... or have to rebuild it now. This is incredible. You know this game has always been called the World's Greatest Cocktail Party, until of course Michael Adams tried to fuck that up. Yeah, changing the nickname of a ballgame is really doing to discourage underage drinking. That's the whole reason college students knock back a few beers. I think I heard some of the students now calling it the Greater Atlanta Area's Second Biggest Party After Freaknik But The One You Likely Won't Get Mugged or Raped At. Do you know what's gonna happen here tonight, and up in Roswell and Alpharetta, and all those places where all those Dawg people have paid for overpriced Marriott Courtyards for four days? And in those chain-link paved parking lots where the tailgaters keep getting hit up by the bums and homeless for spare change and Colt 45s? Man is there going to be some property destroyed tonight! 26-21, Dawgs on top. We were gone. I'd gave up, you did too. We were out of it and gone. Miracle!

Wouldn't be quite the same, would it?