Dude. Don't waste that hot pocket!

If you haven't watched last night's two hour premiere of Lost, then 1) proceed with caution, because I'll reference the details, and 2) what the hell is wrong with you?

For those wondering what's happened on the previous 4 seasons, you could have watched the hour long clip show that preceded the premiere. Or, you could just leave it to Hurley to explain for you:



Awesome. Makes perfect sense, right?

WOW. What a great return from a show hitting on all cylinders. I won't go into all the plot machinations and details, but it basically boiled down to this: Hour one set up the situation our castaways find themselves in for the foreseeable future (past? present?), both on the island and off the island. In essence, something has caused the island, and possibly some of its inhabitants, to go "skipping through time." Hour two looked at the consequences of the O6's big lie, particularly viewed through the prism of the most "human" and "honest" of the castaways, the endearing Hurley. We ended up not knowing exactly where -- and when -- all the players are, and with a 70 hour sense of urgency to get the O6 back to the island. Or "god help us all."

And in between, we got redshirt deaths, nosebleeds, mysterious alliances, island history, cameos from long dead Losties, a snippet of the hit TV show Expose, death by dishwasher, a butcher shop with questionable HAACP practices, Willie Nelson and flying hot pockets. How's that for ya?

In no particular order, questions, quotes and comments from last night's shows:

The cold open was fantastic, with Pierre Chang (aka Dr. Marvin Candle, aka Dr. Mark Wickman, aka Dr. Edgar Halliwax) waking up with his wife and newborn, and putting on a record. The records skips, of course, setting up the theme of the season and playing into Daniel's later analogy. So, why all the aliases? Is Chang really the brains behind Dharma, or just an actor engaged to portray the brains? And in some of the previous appearances, it seemed that he was missing part of his left arm. However, last night, he wasn't. Does this have anything to do with the "hand chopping" that Juliet was threatened with later in the evening, by uniformed island invaders speaking with an English accent? (Forces of Widmore, perhaps?) Also, Chang and wife have a baby. Was the baby born off island, and then moved there? Or is this an exception to the pregnancy problems plaguing the island dwellers?

Were the soldiers who caught up with Sawyer and Juliet the same ones who attacked the camp? If so, why the anachronistic combination of flaming arrows and rifles? Or, in this particular time period, are there two separate forces, the soldiers and the original Others (who don't know our Losties at this point)?

Past Ethan (!) didn't recognize Locke at all. But past Richard did. Is this because Richard is special? And never ages? (But Richard also admitted that at some point, he himself wouldn't recognize Locke). Why did all the gang with Sawyer and Juliet move together, but the Others didn't move with Locke?

Is the island itself moving in time, and some of the inhabitants "staying" (like pulling a tablecloth quickly off a table, but leaving the dishes)? Or, are the inhabitants the ones moving through time, while the island itself stays on a "normal" timeline? Or are both happening? And will someone please put together a handy linear timeline to help us all keep this straight? I'm confused, but at this point, not frustratingly so. I expect we'll be kept unsure of the timelines for a while, and I'm okay with that.

Could the "time shifting" be a plausible explanation for the various encounters with dead people? That the folks they're seeing aren't necessarily "ghosts," but rather people "out of phase" with time? And some are able to manifest more prominently than others? Could this also be an explanation for all the "whispers" in the jungle? Just "echoes" of previous (and future) inhabitants?

If Faraday is back in the 70s at some point (his wonderful close encounter with Chang and the drillers, who found the frozen donkey wheel behind a wall of rock), can we assume the rest of the gang is also back in that timeline with him?

“Son of a....(white light, whooosh, time travel)...bitch.”

If Faraday actually did speak to Desmond during his hatch time, why didn't Des remember this previously (and not before it came to him in a dream, when he was off the island with Penny on their boat, and in the "present?")

“You know, maybe if you ate more comfort food, you wouldn’t have to go around shooting people.” Suddenly, I have a craving for something from a drive-thru. Or killing my neighbor with a carving knife.

And who is Daniel's mom? Is it Ms. Hawking, the lady who advised Des back in "Flashes Before Your Eyes?" Or is that just what we're supposed to think? And speaking of Ms. Hawking, what the hell is going on with her and Ben? Are they working together? And when are they working together? The PC in her "lair" appeared to be an old Mac. Has she missed the entire technological revolution, or is that just state of the art tech from the early 80s, where she might "be?" But if that's the case, how exactly does this "70 hours" thing work, since we're led to believe that Ben went from his present time planning with Jack (at the motel), to see her. Is that 70 from a fixed point in the current timeline (where we assume Jack, Kate, Hurley and Ben are now)? Delightfully intriguing.

“I need a cool code name.”

So there are plenty of people off the island helping Ben, including the chick at the butcher shop who is going to watch over the corpse of Locke/Bentham?

"Libby says 'hi.'" That was a cool cameo from Ana-Lucia, and one that also gently poked good spirited fun at the actress's own tangles with the law.

Who does Sun really blame? Ben? Or Jack and Kate? Or Widmore?

I guess Locke should have picked the compass in the Dalai Lama test when he was 5 years old.

Charlotte's getting nosebleeds! Noooooo! We need a hot, English-accented ginger!

And speaking of Locke, he is dead, right? Ben didn't answer that definitively (like we would expect that): Jack: "He's dead, isn't he?" Ben: "I'll see you in six hours, Jack."

And why does Richard tell Locke that he has to die?

If Jacob knew how moving the island would cause such distress for Locke and everyone else, why exactly did he want the island moved?

“Why is there a dead Pakistani on my couch?!”

Why is Sayid no longer working for Ben? And why does he advise Hurley not to trust him at any cost?

Is Des "special" because of what happened with the failsafe, and his proximity to it? Did this cause more than just his ability to see snippets of the future?

Nice use of "Dream Police" as background music when Hurley was in the c-store.

All in all, I was extremely enthused about the two eppys we saw last night. As always, it provided a delicate balance of entertainment, answers, action, humor, character and yes, of course, more fucking questions.

Namaste.