"It must be weird, not having anyone cum on you."

That, my friends, is a quote from that cinematic classic, Showgirls. (of course, I'm also sure that line has been uttered frequently about 1,996 miles east of the movie's setting). I'm starting this "news roundup" off with that because of the rumors percolating that our most recent ex-president and wannabe "first gentleman" has been schtupping Cristal Connors herself, the liptastic Gina Gershon. Both Bubba and Gina vehemently deny it, of course, and I have absolutely no problem with it, since he's not doing it in the people's office nor on my nickel. If being a chubby, bitter and opinionated know-it-all scores you points with Ms. Gershon, perhaps I should give her a call. Here's the original Vanity Fair article that caused all the commotion, and it's interesting reading.

Speaking of the campaign, here's an absolutely hilarious clip from the Daily Show that pefectly encapsulates my feelings about the primaries, (of which I've watched entirely too much). Hillary Widmore, indeed.

Gallup's early look at the McCain - Obama matchup. Interesting graphs. It would seem Obama's core supporters are blacks, singles, people who don't go to church, people who have a post graduate degree, young'uns, and people who don't make enough money to worry about the government stealing it from them. I fall into a couple of those categories, but I don't have a dog in this hunt, as policy-wise, both candidates offend my sensibilities. The first, and most important, litmus test is always who is going to stop confiscating my personal income. After that, it becomes an exercise in holding your nose and pulling a lever, though sadly, here in the middle of socialist country, my vote probably won't add up to much.

Funny newspaper headlines.

I guess I don't have to worry about my joints anytime soon.

A scathing critique of celebrity campaigns against children's vaccines. "University of Google" is just too pithy and laugh out loud funny not to appreciate. And of course, you're going to get cogent scientific analysis from a pair best known for talking out of his ass on film and showing her taco for money.

"Investigative journalism" done by a former pitcher unequivocally proves a carpenter has risen from the dead, and that Jesus can really get you a better sneaker contract.

Scott McClellan fesses up for Catwoman.