Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Of course this ship is unsinkable! It's named "Titanic" for cryin' out loud!

For the last few years, Memorial Day has been an odd holiday. Of course there is the justified honoring of soldiers who have given all in their service to the red, white and blue. There's the relaxing three day weekend. There's the auto racing. There's the sunshine and sudsy beverages. There's the musing about fluffy linens (oh wait. maybe that's just at my place). There are the numerous TV marathons. And then there are the little shivs of memory that pop up because you're too OCD to ever remove anything from Outlook. Last year, I celebrated this automated "reminder" with a movie marathon.

This year, I give you a random sampling of the Worst Decisions in History:

"Let's completely change the taste and formula of our signature product. I think this New Coke thing is really gonna catch on."

Mike Dukakis: "I'm gonna ride in this tank. It will make me look presidential."

"We need to make a sequel to Speed. On a slow moving boat."

Invading Russia in winter.

David Caruso leaving NYPD Blue. McLean Stevenson leaving M*A*S*H for Hello Larry.

Western Union: "Sorry Mr. Bell, we don't need your novelty toy."

The New Deal.

Kurt Cobain marrying Courtney Love. Jerry Lee Lewis marrying his 13 year old cousin.

"Hey, someone left us a big wooden horse outside. Let's bring it inside the walls."

Decca Records turning down the Beatles.

Getting involved in a land war in Asia.

"This Betamax thing is cool. Let's buy one and start a movie collection."


Han shooting first.

Pickett's Charge.

"Don't worry. Nobody will ever look all that closely at our books." (Enron)

"Viewers want to watch Heidi. Let's cut to that."

Best new artist of 1990: Milli Vanilli.

"Oh, don't worry Monica. It's just a little spunk on the dress. Just get it dry cleaned."

FOX cancels Firefly. And then Arrested Development.

"Let's break into the DNC. What's that hotel complex called? 'Watergate,' I think."

"You always take a big man. Let's draft Sam Bowie first."

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