100 Greatest Songs of the 90s: 60 - 41

60. Poison/Bell Biv Devoe: I vaguely recall this one from the airwaves. However, I think this is now forever owned by Dr. Christopher Turk.

59. Buddy Holly/Weezer: Cool video. But did Buddy Holly really play at Al’s (or was it Arnold’s)? Would rock have been forever changed if it had been Potsie and Ralph Malph on that plane?

58. Damn I Wish I Was your Lover/Sophie B Hawkins: According to the always right wikipedia, she was bisexual, though she preferred the term “omnisexual.” Perhaps she should record a duet with Captain Jack Harkness. Though I think she’s probably still a little behind Captain Jack, and hasn’t yet slept with any aliens.

57. Can I Get A.../Jay-Z featuring Amil and Ja Rule: Too many “featurings.” I probably changed the station to listen to sportstalk. This, of course, was one of the years the Braves went to the World Series. And lost to the Yankees. Again. At least it wasn’t a soul-crushing disaster like the Jim Leyritz homer off Wohlers. Nope, it was a pure, ass-kicking sweep. I also recall being in Mexico on a lovely vacation when the Braves were playing the Mets in the NLCS prior to that debacle. What does this have to do with the song? Uh, nothing.

Note: They occasionally list songs that finished just outside the Top 100. Fatboy Slim’s Rockafella Skank didn’t make the cut? Not in the top 100? How can this be? Can anyone around in the 90s tell me this wasn’t one of your favorite songs?

56. Mama Said Knock You Out/LL Cool J: Don’t call it a comeback, cause I been here for years. Ice Cube makes Are we there yet? LL Cool J starred with a parrot in Deep Blue Sea. There are no winners here.

55. Criminal/Fiona Apple: Another defining song of the 90s. Another CD I bought for one song. (though the rest of the album was good, it was a bit more leaden and ponderous than the hard driving Criminal). Another add to my mythical Ipod.

54. One of Us/Joan Osbourne: What if god were one of us? He’d probably be Tiger Woods. Or Roger Federer. Or the guy that invented the TiVo. Or came up with the idea to put pre-shredded cheese in a bag.

53. OPP/Naughty by Nature: I remember wearing this stuff in high school. There was a big competition with Panama Jack for the long sleeve t-shirt market. Oh, that was OP? Not OPP? This song wasn’t about casual beachwear? Nevermind.

52. Fly/Sugar Ray: The lead singer now hosts an entertainment show. Can you imagine Jim Morrison hosting Extra? He’d probably leave dirtier voice mail messages than Pat O’Brien. But I’d probably watch that, along with E! News Live with Syd Barrett.

51. California Love/Tupac (featuring Dr. Dre and Roger Troutman): More “featurings.” More sportstalk on my radio. Much like Elvis, being dead hasn’t hurt Tupac’s career one bit though. Too bad he didn’t rap his grocery lists. They could be released as a single “featuring” Mr. Whipple and Captain Crunch and gone platinum.

50. Man in the Box/Alice in Chains: Excellent rock song. Face meltingly good.

49. Who Will Save Your Soul/Jewel: Proof that sleeping in your car in Alaska, writing bad poetry and eschewing orthodontia won’t derail a career. Is this a guilty pleasure now?

48. 3 AM/Matchbox 20: Matchbox 20 gets a lot of shit with the music hipster intelligentsia. But it’s hard to ignore perfectly crafted pop songs, even if the lead singer/songwriter isn’t even my favorite Rob Thomas.

47. Good Vibrations/Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch: If Dirk Diggler wasn’t enough to completely erase this from memory, then Detective Sergeant Diggam was (though Marky Mark, you still owe us for that shitfuckingly awful Planet of the Apes movie, however alarmingly erotic Helena Bonham Carter was as a monkey).

46. You’re Still the One/Shania Twain: She’s scorchingly hot and talented, and married to the mastermind behind Def Leppard and AC/DC, but this song has more sap than Redwood National Park. I still recall another song with a similar title being used in the 70s to promote ABC’s top rated television lineup. Quick search, and holy shit, you can find anything on youtube. http://youtube.com/watch?v=0iVCzzaEzj4

45. Only Wanna Be With You/Hootie and Blowfish: You couldn’t avoid this at the time. That’s about all I can say. Except that the head ball coach at their alma mater is still a douchebag.

44. Killing Me Softly With His Song/The Fugees: Add to the imaginary Ipod. Took a beautiful, but boring, “classic” song, added a reggae beat, mumbled “one time” and “two times” and suddenly, you have a great tune.

43. My Lovin’/En Vogue: Enjoyable throwback to the glamour girl groups of the 60s. But didn’t guys already have enough people telling them “you’re never gonna get it?”

42. Shine/Collective Soul: Very underrated pop/rock band. +1 for being from Georgia. I loved a more recent song of theirs, “Better Now,” even though its meaning is drenched in irony, since the time I recall first hearing it was the beginning of the Dark Ages.

41. Two Princes/Spin Doctors: Spin Doctors, now appearing at a county fair near you. But the lead singer did wear a hat much like Jayne Cobb’s.