LaDanian Tomlinson made me watch the Emmys

I know that I usually make Emmy and Oscar predictions. But the truth is, I can barely sit through the insipid, self-congratulatory, overly long and often shockingly unfunny awards shows just to see if my prognostications come true. I really hadn't planned on watching the Emmys last night. After all -- Seacrest! I would just look at an online list of winners this morning, update my spreadsheet, and revel in the fact that I had correctly predicted the winners in all the major categories. (Or not. 20%. Argh. I think I did better picking the 0-2 Saints to get to the Super Bowl. Or a Norv Turner coached team to win it. Norv Fucking Turner! How's that looking for me now?)

But as the night crept on, I was checking my fantasy football scores and noticed that I had a slight lead in my head to head matchup. I was ahead by a couple of points, and had LT going for me. My erstwhile competitor had New England's kicker, TE (UGAer Ben Watson) and Defense. Surely the fantasy football god that is LT would outscore two typically obscure points scoring positions and the NE D, right? I could watch the game and enjoy my victory and not worry about the Emmys. After all, Bill Belichick wasn't watching the Emmys -- he was taping them! (rim shot - try the veal and tip your servers. I'll be here all week).

Well, in just a few minutes of game time, LT was repeatedly stopped, Watson caught a touchdown pass, NE treated Phillip Rivers like a side-arm throwing pinata and the D picked off a pass and ran it back for a frakkin' touchdown. Fuck. Helllooooo, Seacrest.

I need Shaun Suisham (who? right) to kick four 50 yard field goals tonight.

There are reviews all over the interwebs about how awful the Emmys were, and I won't blather on with the same sentiment. There were only a few chuckle worthy moments: Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert (with Steve Carrell), Rainn Wilson in an overlong skit with Kanye West, John Locke speaking wistfully about Wisteria Lane, Tina Fey, and Elaine Stritch being old, ornery and funny. Mostly, I was just aghast at the choices and the winners. HERE is what should have happened with the nominations. HERE is where I picked the "should wins, will wins." Obviously, I don't have a vote. Apparently, neither does anyone else except James Spader's family.

What I got right and was happy with: The Sopranos.

What I got right and didn't much care either way: America Ferrera.

What I got wrong and didn't care much either way: Ricky Gervais.

What I got wrong, and was happy about: Terry O'Quinn. Locke didn't have as much to do as Ben this year on Lost, but O'Quinn has been solid as a rock in everything he's done for years, and John Locke is one of my absolute favorites on the island. Plus, he was classy and funny and deserving. I wanted and thought Jenna Fischer would win for The Office. But even though I wasn't enamored with the whole pregnancy storyline (which I hate on any and every show) on Earl this year, Jaime Pressley is hysterical as Joy. I still have "Joy's Wedding" stored on a Tivo somewhere in a box someplace around here. I also thought Ugly Betty would win best comedy, though I hoped The Office would take the trophy. But it was great that 30 Rock won, and Tina Fey's thank you to the "dozens and dozens" of viewers was classic. Hopefully, the Emmy will do this underviewed show more good than it did Arrested Development.

What I got wrong, and what the fuck? Spader. Look, I like James Spader, and he's been charismatic and funny and talented whenever I've caught Boston Legal. But even the award winner himself felt like he was "stealing the mob's money" with a triumph over Gandolfini, who did some of his best work this season. Did Alan Shore crunch a guy's face on a bar, American History-X style? Do peyote in Vegas? Pull his piece of shit son out of the pool where he tried to drown himself? Hold Captain Kirk's nose shut until he died? I don't think so. Sally Field? Over Kyra Sedgwick? Over Edie Falco? Huh? And Piven again? Isn't it time to show some love elsewhere? Hell, I would have even been happy giving the award to Johnny Drama instead of the more deserving Neil Patrick Harris or Rainn Wilson.

And whenever I turned off the tired awards show drivel to go back to the Sunday night game, there was Rivers getting sacked again and LT getting stuffed again. What a wasted Sunday night.

Even though I actually like a few of the Patriots, including Tom Brady, I found this post at Kissing Suzy Kolber funny. And disturbing, since it shows pictures of some of the worst leg injuries in recent sports history. Yikes! I need some brain bleach. (one prediction I won't miss: you'll grab your leg and say "shiiiiiiiit.")