If you haven't yet watched John From Cincinnati, here's a sampling of quotes that you've been missing:
"If that's a tumor, where do I sign up?"
Bill: "I've got my eye on you!"
John: "No, I've got my eye on you!"
Dickstein: Do you have another gun?
Cunningham: I did not buy a backup, against the advice of Pete's Pistol Hut."
"I don't know if I am on foot or horseback"
"Papercuts on the penis, very painful."
"Radio silence 'til further notification. This is a dump a grown man can be proud of!"
"Aren't you glad you didn't blow your brains out yesterday?"
Barry: "Animate or inanimate?" (pointing to standup cardboard chicks)
Barry: "I alone then am favored by that jovially, croaking, post-coital falsetto winsomely caricaturing Debbie Boone?"
Kai to John: "Touch my tits."
John: "Tits don't ring a bell."
"Spare me the babe in the woods routine; you just paid to see a woman fuck a donkey".
"Some things I know, and some things I don’t."
Cissy to Mitch: "Not being as bright as you, Mitch, so full of 'The Wisdom of the East,' it sounds like you're saying that what's right for
you is to do whatever you fucking want - which isn't exactly fresh news."
John: "I took a dump. Shaun's much-improved and well. I thought I'd give it a shot. Shit in Bill's pocket. Oh, no, I got my eye on you! The end is near. I'd like to bone you, Kai."
Butchie, with Kai, about a song: "Was this playin the first time I threw up on you?"
"Butchie's gonna drop the hammer."
"And God's taking over for Santa, deciding whose naughty and nice and firing up the coal log to burn the naughty in hell."
"I'm here on orders from my bird."
Barry to Ramon: "Let's call it 'permanently associated,' or is that too overtly gay?"
Butchie: "All my ladies set off the airport metal detectors, or they’re not my ladies long. And let me say this, with the compact metal detector right here in my tongue, I will find everywhere your metal may be hid."
And my new favorite, which will undoubtedly enter my lexicon and be used with great frequency, due to its all around usefulness and particular application to my life:
"We are on the precipice of a clusterfuck."