Sports Shorts

Is it possible for him to do anything that isn't slimy and offensive? 'Bama's new multimillion dollar embarrassment, Nick Saban, called an angry LSU supporter a "coon-ass." After it was broadcast all around the interwebs, he had to admit use of the slur and backpedaled faster Deion Sanders in his prime. "It was off the record" and "I was just repeating what was said." Nick, Isaiah Washington is embarrassed for you at this point.

One son of Philadelphia Eagles coach Andy Reid was accused of pulling a gun on a motorist following a traffic dispute, and another was found to have drug paraphernalia in his car following a crash, authorities said Wednesday. Isn't Andy a devout Mormon? You know, I've watched some BYU football, regularly Tivo Big Love and have perused the basic tenants of the faith. But I don't recall seeing in the "13 Articles of Faith" anything about packing heat while driving, terrorizing motorists or sparking up with a Joseph Smith signature hooka. Perhaps those articles are still on a gold plate buried in western New York.

This just in: did you know that both the coaches in the Super Bowl are black? While it is a sign of "equality" and "social advancement" in today's NFL, the true sign of "equality" is when black coaches and get hired and fired for incompetence just like anyone else (see Green, Dennis and Shell, Art).

No Bengals arrested today. But it's early.

The Super Bowl is being broadcast by CBS. Does anyone know of a Tivo hack where I can download a filter that automatically skips over anytime Shannon Sharpe opens his mouth? I pity the poor typist at the closed captioning office on that one. Perhaps one of those "universal translators" from Star Trek would come in handy. If it works with Klingon, "Sharpese" can't be that much more difficult, can it?