Prejudice is okay. As long as it's only about skin color. Or gender.

Intolerant douchebag Tony Dungy has stepped in the hypocritical bullshit once again. When he and other black NFL coaches were asked to comment about the Don Imus situation, Dungy condemned the "racist" and "sexist" remarks made by the talk show host, calling them "inappropriate" and "not acceptable." He also added " . . . We need to move toward a more civil society built on respect, not degradation, built on thoughtfulness, not carelessness. We can do it if we put our minds to it."

This, coming from a man who campaigns for and is associated with a group that is actively prejudiced against (and seeks to limit the civil rights of) a segment of our population. Of course, this is okay because the group he discriminates against is gay, and not black or female, and because his mythological creator "tells" him that this demographic is immoral and therefore deserving of derision, scorn and oppression. (Odd, that I didn't see Dungy preaching "respect" and "thoughtfulness" when Isaiah Washington and Ann Coulter were mouthing off about "faggots." I guess Rutgers women basketball players enjoy "favored nation" status with his lord more than T.R. Knight).

Last year, I had a great deal of respect for the man. He got a raw deal in Tampa only to resurface with the Colts, and handled the questions about his inability to win the big game with either team with grace and class. Then, as his team was challenging the Dolphins record as an undefeated team, he suffered a horrible loss with his son's suicide and comported himself in the public eye with dignity and quiet character. He (and Lovie Smith) also addressed the issues surrounding minority coaches with sensitivity and reason at this year's Super Bowl. However, when he immediately started blathering on at the presentation of the Lombardi trophy about how it was god, and not Rex Grossman's ineptitude nor Peyton Manning's execution, that won the game, I started to lose respect for him (although some in Knoxville might argue that Peyton and the almighty are one in the same. At least I can verify that one exists, because I've seen Mastercard commercials). Now, he's denigrated an entire group of human beings and visibly and actively worked to restrict their basic freedoms, while hypocritically lambasting a shock jock who thoughtlessly maligned a different group (of course it should be noted that while Imus's comments were deplorable and insensitive, he didn't show up as a featured speaker to raise money to keep blacks, women or basketball players from getting married). I guess when the lord gives you a Super Bowl ring, you're entitled to bigotry without reproach.

TV Theme Song

A fun quiz to test your knowledge of "classic" TV theme songs. Not necessarily the ones you know by heart and sing at the top of your lungs when you're drunk and no one is around and you're trying to teach your cat how to smoke, but ones that should be recognizable. Naturally, I scored 100%. How'd you do?

Friday Free For All

Random thoughts with absolutely no connective tissue.

Imus gets canned by both MSNBC and CBS Radio. By now, everyone has heard of this and rehashed it a million times. I could go on and on, but it probably wouldn't add anything new to the debate. The salient points for me:

• It irks me to no end that people characterize this a "free speech"/First Amendment debate. It's not. The government is not censoring or firing Imus. Private corporations are. It's all pretty simple. If Imus and his crew wanted to get in a public square and insult the Rutgers women's hoops team, and the police shut him down, that's one thing, and related to the Bill of Rights. If the company that pays your checks thinks your behavior is inappropriate, not funny, not entertaining or even tiresome, that's another. Imus was fired because his comments offended fellow associates withing the two monolithic corporations, because association with him tarnished their public image, and most importantly, because advertisers were withdrawing funds.
• Al Sharpton has no credibility and is the height of hypocrisy to get on a pulpit about race-baiting.
• The uproar has as much to do with the targets as it does the words themselves. If instead of comment about the players -- relative "innocents" in the grand scheme who did nothing to engender the invective -- Imus has focused his epithets on the cast of "Flavor of Love," I think he'd still have one job, if not two.
• "Should" he have been fired? It's a moot point. It's not like his schtick was new to anyone, and this has been going on for years. Unpopular and offensive opinions are not "illegal." But companies have the right to fire people who aren't making money for them.
• As usual, Jason Whitlock has a cogent take on matters of race and sports.
  

Speaking of race-baiting, wonder if Jesse Jackson is going to hold a big press conference at Duke and apologize? Say what you will about Imus, at least he recognized the impact of his words and made attempts to apologize to those he offended. I'm sure the good reverend (as well as Sharpton) won't have a thing to say the true "victims" in the Duke Lacrosse case, those maliciously and fallaciously accused. Moral here? Never, ever believe a stripper.

On this week's Idol results show, JLo performed her new Spanish language song, and surprisingly, she showed a good voice and I really enjoyed it. I also enjoyed Michael Buble's performance last week, though the lyrics were just as intelligible as La Lopez's new tune. And I don't speak Spanish.

Just a reminder: watch Drive on Sunday, with a new episode on its regular night the following Monday. Nathan Fillion, Tim Minear. It has to be good. And of course, quickly cancelled by Fox. Good "preview/review" from Maureen Ryan here.

Speaking of Fillion, I finally watched Slither last weekend, and enjoyed the hell out of it. A great homage to the sci-fi/horror silliness of the 50s, complete with thrills, chills, icks and laughs. Fillion is solid as always, but Gregg Henry as the mayor completely steals the show. Any movie with the line "If I wasn't shittin' my pants right now, I'd be fuckin' fascinated." is worth a rental. B+

How to tell if you're a geek. As for me? Yes. Not in drinks, but I know what it is. And went to it in Vegas. Nope. Nope, I hate Ewoks. Yes. Nope. Nope. Yep, I knew all the acronyms off the top of my head.

Not only is Rosario Dawson in Kevin Smith and Tarantino movies. Not only is she hot. Not only is she a comic book fan. But she's a Trekkie. God love her.

It's baseball season. That's enough reason to enjoy Earl Weaver losing his shit. "You're here for one goddamn specific reason: to fuck up!" Good Stuff.

I'll be her Romeo any day

Of course, that means we'd wind up dead. Which in my experience, would seem to be par for the course of love.

Last night, Lost delivered another in a stunning series of exceptional episodes. (In fact, it was so good, I didn't even notice the absence of Locke). I was going to draft a long, analytical post filled with praise, observations and insight, but wound up writing about pigs all day (long story. And strangely, it's not about last year). However, a few things that really rocked the house in "One of Us:"

• Sayid's questioning of Juliet.
• Sawyer and Sayid playing "bad cop" and getting morally bitch-slapped by Juliet.
• Anytime, any episode, where Ben is on the screen.
• Chugging the spiked OJ of mysterious travel.
• Herarat Aviation. Could be "Her A Rat." Could be an anagram of "Earhart," as in Amelia (got "lost" in a plane, ya know? And remember those two skeletons in the cave way back when?). The whole company name could be an anagram for "a variation earth."
• More good work from Batmanuel.
• "Well, if it ain't three men and a baby. I counted Hugo twice."
• Mikhail's creepy info center, and the heartbreaking reaction of Juliet to the video of her sister and child.
• Curing cancer but preventing childbirth? Give me the fucking OJ, I'm moving there NOW.
• The twist at the end, with Juliet and Ben planning this all along. Question is, how much does Jack know? Has he figured this out? Or duped by a hot chick again? (I feel, Jack).
  
• And what's gonna happen in one week, island time?

Great, great stuff. I was also going to gush about my burgeoning love affair with Juliet (and Elizabeth Mitchell's delicious performance), but I noticed someone already did it much better than I. Check out TV Guide's Matt Roush, complete with Shakespearean reference.

"Other"-worldly indeed.

I've seen more authentic Latin at Taco Bell

Jennifer Lopez was the special guest "vocal coach" on last night's Latin-themed American Idol. JLo is a talented performer, occasionally appealing actress (Out of Sight being the high point) but I don't know that I would necessarily call her one of the premier "vocalists" in the industry today. And it's interesting that several of the Idol wannabes didn't ask her as much about the singing as they did about how to dance or move. But JLo has a Spanish language album to pimp, and she certainly appeared game to be on the show, even if the "theme" didn't offer us much to enjoy from the performances. (And I will say this - much like Gwen Stefani, JLo looked great, genuinely appeared to care about the kids singing and there wasn't a trace of the "diva" behavior that's plagued her public persona for some time).

Melinda started us off with "Sway" and once again, hit all the notes and delivered a technically sold vocal. However, JLo hit the nail on the head during the coaching, and Melinda didn't infuse the song with passion or sultriness. Not one of Melinda's better performances.

Lakisha did "Conga" like it was a wedding reception with too many drunken guests, and tried to inject a little soul into a kooky novelty song. Decent enough vocal, but not spectacular. Two of the "big voices" down, and I'm underwhelmed.

Next up is Chris, who is taking on Santana's "Smooth" which featured Rob Thomas on vocals. I actually love this song, and if anything, it certainly makes me appreciate the vocal prowess of Thomas all the more after hearing Chris murder this with nasally, whiny vocals. Inexplicably, Randy and Paula love it. I still think almost everything he sings sounds like a bad, bad version of Justin Timberlake combined with a cat thrown into a blender and fused in a sound mixing board. Not good.

Gentlemen, now appearing on the main stage, put your hands together for Haley! If that sounds like what you'd hear in a strip club waiting for the next uneducated whore to peddle her wares for the sweaty masses, then you're in the right place. Haley comes out in shorts that might fit on a Barbie, and karaokes her way through "Turn the Beat Around," tangentially connected to latin music because Gloria Estefan covered it for a bad Stallone movie. Look, I like the song (I'm a sap for disco) and don't get me wrong, Haley looks hotter than ever. But she clearly realizes she's way out of her league vocally on this show and is doing all she can to troll for votes with horny teenage boys. She looks fantastic in her fuck me heels and red lipstick, but can't keep up with the song and only hits a few decent notes. Unless next week's theme is "titty bar music from Motley Crue," then her days have to be numbered.

Phil rises from his crypt to perform Santana's "Maria Maria" and despite a late "crack" in his voice, delivers a very, very solid vocal. I think I'm out on an island here when it comes to Phil. I enjoyed his "Sinatra-lite" stylings last week, and am impressed with his singing again this week. The judges and other pundits don't seem to "get" Phil's vocals, while I think he shows range and does a fine job. I can't explain it, but he's the best of the night so far for me.

Jordin breaks out another Estefan song, "The Rhythm is Gonna Get You." She "makes it her own" a little, injecting a bit of soul and sass into the song, and delivers a great vocal and energetic performance. In my world, Jordin is probably the front runner at this point, because not only does she have the voice, she also has the personality and ability to deliver in virtually in genre or theme they throw at her. Outstanding.

Mercifully, Blake left his fucking beatboxing in the rehearsal room with JLo and Haley. He performs Skeletor's (er, JLo's husband, Mark Anthony) "I Need to Know" and raises the ante on tonight's show once again. Except for the fact that he can appear a little dead in the eyes and not emotionally connected on occasion, he really smokes this one. A great song choice, a great vocal and performance, and he is the highlight of the hour. And he's wearing Judge Smails' hat.

Sanjaya performs a song with a Spanish title that my closed captioning can't quite understand ("Besame Mucho?"). But that's okay. My surround sound and speakers don't really understand Sanjaya's vocals, either. The big surprise? A great song choice for the little nutbag, and he puts out a performance that doesn't peel the paint off the walls. He actually keeps things in his limited vocal range, and gives a subdued and effective performance - definitely his best so far.

Thank god for the fast forward button and TiVo, because tomorrow's results show bloats to an hour. All in all, a challenging theme tonight and some surprising performances in an hour that was just "meh."

TNRLM Top 3: Blake, Jordin, Phil
TNRLM Bottom 3: Haley, Lakisha, Chris

If you don't play that way, I'll call your wife a whore and destroy your living room

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RIP Andy

More proof that people are just fucking stupid.

Whodat?

A couple of Sydney Andrews sightings recently. Sydney was one of the denizens of Melrose Place, played by Laura Leighton. A couple of weeks ago, she popped up on Shark as a reporter who may have some kind of backstory with Sebastian. Last week, she was the "party mom" on Law and Order SVU who bought the kids booze and banged her daughter's wannabe boyfriend ("but we were in love!"). I was never a fan of Melrose back in the day, but I have to say that Ms. Leighton (who in real life is married to Doug Savant, gay Matt on Melrose, an Alliance officer on Firefly and currently Tom Scavo on Desperate Housewives) has gotten better looking with age. She was gorgeous in these two guest spots, as she was on the sadly underwatched Eyes.

Noted Hey, It's That Guy Stephen Tobolowsky who showed up in the infamous "Tim Batale" episode of Studio 60, was on Friday's sweetly charming (without being saccharine) Raines as the comic book store owner. Also popping up in a funny cameo as the "stoner old lady" with nice bongs and a penchant for taxidermy? Pat Crawford Brown, perhaps best known as the old lady with the man eating demon penis sprouting out of her head on Buffy's "Doublemeat Palace."

God hates Tiger Woods.

GodWatch: Another in an ongoing series of updates regarding the powers and interests of The Almighty.

This past Sunday God took time out of his busy schedule to once again intervene in our earthly and mundane matters of sport, apparently guiding little known golfer Zach Johnson to a win at The Masters. Much like he did when sapping Rex Grossman of all accuracy and talent and "giving" a Super Bowl championship to gay rights detractor/intolerant douchebag Tony Dungy, the lord countered the "obvious effects" of global warming and made Augusta GA a cold, windy and inhospitable place for low scoring.

His divine intervention caused Phil Mickelson to vomit up a triple bogey on the first hole of the final round and Tiger to play like a mere mortal (probably because He didn't want El Tigre to show up His son on His "other birthday" and steal all His press. And the big man upstairs is also probably a little cranky about having to shell out for TWO presents and TWO birthday parties every single year for over two millennia). But new green jacket wearer Johnson knows where his spiritual and sporting bread is buttered, and consistently used CBS airtime to thank his mythological homeboy for kneecapping Retief Goosen and diverting the powers holy away from insignificant issues like Shiite uprisings, Iranian nuclear shenanigans, suffering in Zimbabwe, Grindhouse weekend box office, unholy panning for gold unions or the pestilence of Sanjaya.

Supernatural meddling aside, congrats to Johnson on using his meager human skills and efforts to capture one of sports most distinguished honors and pieces of outerwear.

Whodat?

On Wednesday's excellent Bones, "The Killer in the Concrete" (cement?), Phillip Rhys played the criminal with the affinity for blowtorches and screwdrivers. He was also suspected terrorist Reza on Day 2 of 24, who wound up getting killed by his bride to be, Marie Warner (mercifully, saving him from a life of painful marriage), as well as Jude from Nip/Tuck, who faked his British accent and tried to get in Julia's pants (and also had an internship at McNamara/Troy, because of course you want to hire the folks that try to bang your wife).

On another hysterical episode of Andy Barker, PI, noted underage porn star turned legit thespian Traci Lords turned up as one of the credit card stealing blackmailers. In addition to such classics as Hot Cum Orgy and Huge Bras 3, Traci was serial killer Jill of All Trades in Profiler, Wanda in Crybaby and had a recurring role in Roseanne.

"Caged Heat" meets "The Defiant Ones" -- with smoke monsters!

Lost's recent episode "Left Behind" continued the hot streak the show has been on since returning from the recent hiatus. I was wary of the episode because the ABC promo monkeys (who really must be stopped) couched it as nothing more than a chick fight about who loves St. Jack more. Not that there's anything wrong with a good old fashioned chick fight, mind you, and we certainly had our share of an estrogen laden throw down between Juliet and Kate (in a jungle downpour and mud! Too bad there's no Jell-O on the island). But that was just an overt manifestation for questions about guilt and forgiveness.

Sawyer's quest to not be "banished" bordered on treacly, but it was infused with enough humor to keep me from rolling my eyes at a supposedly skilled conman being conned by Hurley. Also good: the appearances of "smoky" the monster to torment our jungle gals were played for genuine thrills and dread, and I loved Sayid's (rightful) distrust of Juliet at the end.

Just like any good episode of Lost, questions were posed:

• Why did the Others leave and where did they go?
• Why did they leave Juliet, and is she part of some Otherly plan to infiltrate the beach group? After all, she did have the keys to the handcuffs all along.
• Where did a somewhat docile fertility doctor learn martial arts?
• What does Juliet actually know about smoky and the sonic fence system? Why couldn't smoky simply go "over" the fence did like our 4 Losties did previously, if it really wanted to get Juliet and/or Kate?
• At the monster's first appearance, what exactly were those "flashes" Kate and Juliet saw? And is it significant that Juliet seemed to look at them more than Kate?
• Why were Jack and Sayid "out" from the gas so much longer than Kate and (supposedly) Juliet? Were they gassed later? Or with more extra-special, longer lasting gas?
• What the hell is going on with Locke? Is he infiltrating the Others? Has he struck some selfish and independent deal with Benry? What happened with "dad in a box?" Plus, I'm still wondering of Locke TRULY blew up the sub. After all, he was inside the sub planting the explosives and could have left via the dock, yet he was soaking wet moments later when confronted by Jack and the Others. Hmmm.

All in all, another very good episode and I'm truly excited about seeing the rest of the season play out.

Even a fetus will lie

Why wouldn't a fetus lie? Everyone else does, according to Dr. Gregory House. And me.

Last night's House was entertaining, and threw a bit of twist on the formula by having Cuddy play the House role, even if it was a bit overly sentimental and maudlin.

I generally fast forward through or skip entirely all the maternal angst, but at least in this one House represented a more antagonistic and unpopular opinion, until his pragmatism had to cop out and melt at the end, under the withering force of a sensationalized pro-life tiny hand and Cuddy's annoying I have no identity unless I spawn character assassination.

Still, there was the usual snark:

• Mom about her gay sperm donor: "He took a magazine and a cup into the bathroom." House: "A man after my own heart. With a different magazine, obviously."
• "Vacationing in Cambodia? Gonna unwind in the killing fields?"
• "Who are the Jews in this metaphor?"
• "Chase just agreed because he didn't want to lose his all access pass to her love rug."
• "Stale pee is useless pee."
• "Be patient, she's going through all of us. She'll get that jungle fever eventually."
• 'I just realized I forgot to TiVo Alien.''

And despite my boredom with her story line, Lisa Edelstein acted the hell out her scenes. Interesting that Cuddy warned Cameron about being the one hurt in her "friends with benefits" relationship with Chase, even though it's poor puppy dog Chase that's obviously going to be the one thrown under the relationship bus.

Decent episode saved (as usual) by well crafted smart-assery. Average B. I can only hope they don't put Cuddy's womb on the train to Voglerville or Trittertown. Next week looks to be a bit outside the normal box and quite exciting.

Whodat?: The guest star photographer was Anne Ramsay, who played Brenda's boss on Six Feet Under and also appeared on a couple of Star Trek: TNGs as Ensign Clancy.

Putting lipstick on a pig

Nope, this post has nothing to do with "the lost year." But it has everything to do with what's happening over in Fayatteville, Arkansas.

How embarrassing would it be to be a Razorback? Consider:

In 2002, the head basketball who had led you to a national title and brought a unique style of play to the court played the race card and said he was being discriminated against because he was black, and challenged legendary AD Frank Broyles to fire him. Not all that surprisingly, Lord Frank obliged. Then, Nolan Richardson turns around and sues the university for discrimination, only to the have the suit dismissed.

In his stead, they hire Stan Heath, fresh off success at Kent State. Heath takes over a program decidedly in the dumps, and posts yearly win totals of 9, 12, 18, 22 and 21, making the big dance the last two years. Apparently, this is not enough for the delusional Hog fans and administration, so they fire him to hire Creightons's Dana Altman. Who accepts the job, only to recant a day later and leave Arkansas with even more egg on their faces than a Sizzler breakfast buffet.

They bring home prodigal son Houston Nutt to take over the football program, and he wallows in mediocrity (even including backing into an SEC championship game in 2002, where they are killed by the Dawgs), but nonetheless attracts the interest of Nebraska for their head coaching position. Nutt struggles through two more seasons, but inexplicably rumors float that Nutt is being courted by other head coaching oppotunities, including LSU in the wake of Nick Saban's departure for the greener pastures of Miami (insert joke here). Fans call for changes to Nutt's unimaginative offense, and he responds by hiring high octane, spread offense coordinator Gus Malzahn from Springdale high, and he also brings top QB recruit Mitch Mustain with him. With all this talent and creativity, Nutt takes the play calling away from his OC, benches his star frosh QB with a winning record, runs more than Doc Blanchard at Army, and sets the forward pass back 50 years.

Broyles also gives an embarrassing presentation to an alum group where he puts Arkansas in the bottom of the SEC in terms of resources and potential. Er, Frank, isn't that your job to elevate that?

Then comes the soap opera surrounding the "Springdale parents" and Mustain's mom. It's almost impossible to summarize this, but the bottom line is that a group of parents loyal to the OC and QB act like exaggerated caricatures of overbearing little league parents and further diminish the credibility and stature of the football program (even though their complaints may have some validity) with melodramatic histrionics. Read more about this soap opera here, here, or hell, just google "Springdale," "Malzahn" or any other relevant terms and immerse yourself in the idiocy. It winds up with Malzahn leaving for the OC position at Tulsa, Mustain leaving the program and Nutt wondering what the fuck just happened?

In the wake of this episode of Desperate Housewives, Broyles announces his resignation after 50 years, but not before he botches the situation with his basketball team.

Most universities have two high profile sporting programs, football and basketball. Over the last 5 years, Arkansas has mishandled these two programs as publicly and comically as humanly possible. If I was a Razorback, I'd hang my head in shame and be on suicide watch, and this is coming from an alum of the school that got rejected by Glen Mason, hired Ray Goff, got slimed by Jim Harrick and son and thought Ron Jirsa could coach.

Suuueeeey!, indeed.

Next, I'll start clapping like a seal and swallow a pharmacy

Tonight was "Tony Bennett" night on Idol. I always look forward to these nights of classic songs, as that's probably my favorite type of music. If I was stranded on the proverbial desert island (without hatches, smoke monsters or Juliet) and could pick only one type of music to listen to for the rest of my days (before I realized I couldn't make fire without a zippo, that I hate fruits and vegetables and came to the suicidal realization there's no Tivo), these standards would be it. There's comfort, class and elegance to them, and some might call me an "old soul," ya know, if there was such a thing.

Anyhoo, Blake started us off tonight with one of my all time favorites, "Mack The Knife." Again, the coach warned him about the fucking beatboxing and told him to watch the tempo. The song started off safe and boring, and didn't have the "menace" of Bobby Darin. (think about that - not as menacing as Bobby Darin) However, Blake had a great finish with it and I wasn't too disappointed in a reasonably performed version.

Next was Phil, who each week looks more and more like he's auditioning for Alan Ball's new vampire series on HBO. He did "Night and Day," and personally, I thought he knocked it out of the park. Great, rich vocal. The judges weren't crazy about it, but I even put in my notes that he sounds a little like The Chairman. Much to my surprise, Paula also invokes the holy name of Frank. I'm agreeing with Paula now. I run to the medicine cabinet, up my dose, and pour another stiff drink.

Melinda comes on and does her usual Melinda thing, blowing us all away with "I Got Rhythm." What can you say? She's impeccable. There's nothing to criticize with a flawless vocal. Maybe, how can she sing with no neck? Excellent as always.

Chris performs "Don't Get Around Much Anymore." The judges whack off, and I'm wondering what's up tonight. I enjoyed Phil, agreed with Paula, and find this version tediously tremulous. Another great song, and there was just nothing there for me to appreciate. It's almost as if Chris is on a Disney show, where he is a boy band singer at night, and dresses up in spandex during the day to wander an amusement park, handing out cotton candy and occasionally solving crimes, unknown to his single dad and older brother who picks on him. I'm lost with him.

Jordin regales us with "On A Clear Day" and doesn't wear a tablecloth this week. She's cute, effervescent and hits every note. Tony was impressed, as was I. She's a comer. She's gotten better each and every week, shows personality and has the voice to do anything. I love Jordin.

Gina, whom I've often found much better than the judges, takes a step back this week with "Smile." I hate this fucking sappy twaddle. Okey-dokey, just smile and everything will be better. Right. Her voice is okay, I guess, but I was checking my Blackberry for baseball scores during the song and couldn't wait for it to end.

Dear god, it's Sanjaya. You can sense the underlying tension in Seacrest, as he realizes this doofus is stealing all his preteen boy fans who toss off in the bathroom to Tiger Beat. I'll say this for the guy, despite his reed thin and awful vocals, he's embracing the madness and totally enjoying this for all it's worth. I believe the song was "Dancing Cheek to Cheek."

Haley continues her job interview for the cut-rate cruise ship circuit (or the Spearmint Rhino, depending on if her IQ is two digits and her daddy touched her in the "bad place") and tries to flirt up "Ain't Misbehavin." Simon is dead on. She's got nice legs. That's about it for that performance.

Lakisha belts out "Stormy Weather." And by "belts out," I mean "has a great voice, but oversings it with no subtlety."

All in all, not too painful tonight. I'm more worried for my sanity and sobriety, given how I seemed to understand and identify with Paula, sincerely appreciate Phil and want to buy commemorative mouse ears from Chris.

TNRLM's Top 3: Melinda, Phil, Jordin
TNRLM's Bottom 3: Sanjaya, Gina, Haley

Buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks

Actually, I hate cracker jacks. Not a big fan of caramel.

2007 Major League Baseball Predictions Part 2: Individual Awards

American League

AL MVP: Vladimir Guerrero
AL Cy Young: Johan Santana
AL Rookie of the Year: Dice K

National League

NL MVP: Ryan Howard
NL Cy Young: John Smoltz
NY Rookie of the Year: Kevin Kouzmanoff

Throwing dirt on Dirt

Well, I finally got around to watching the season (series?) finale of Dirt. Like most of the series, it was a main course of "eh, okay" accompanied by a side of "what the fuck?"

The "big draw," supposedly, was a mini-Friends reunion with Courtney Cox and Jennifer Anniston, and their "kiss." Now look, I'm a red blooded male and enjoy the sapphic shenanigans as much (or more) than most. But this liplock was seriously underwhelming. Peck on the lips, with as much heat as a refrigerator bulb. And I'm sorry, I just don't get the Aniston thing. Every character she tries to play is just a toned down or toned up version of Rachel Green. The acting talent in the bloodline apparently stopped with Victor Kiriakis. While I appreciated her haircuts on Friends (my ex-wife once got "the Rachel"), I don't think she's that hot. Like not cracking the "top 100" hot. Just don't get the appeal. So that whole plotline limped along.

In fact, most of the plotlines, though coming to some kind of resolution, sputtered out:

• The brother was the secret stalker? Huh? Perhaps with a more convincing actor playing the brother (this guy was awful) it might have had some resonance, but all those scenes were sub-soap level.
• Speaking of bad acting, I still don't give a shit about Holt. Can't buy him as a movie star, still can't buy Lucy's attraction to him. And the scene with the close up of his eye? What was that? A return of his sushi worms? Forming of a tear? A "reflection" of the toll the paparazzi took on him? Huh?
• Julia goes nuts and tries to kill Lucy with a kitchen knife? Is she dead? Does anyone care?
• What was with Brent labeling the tape with Lucy's name? Does this mean they've done it? Does this mean he's now fixating on her (after seeing the cold fish lesbo kiss?), wants to bed her in his camera laden boudoir, and is just being OCD about advance tape labeling?
• Willa sitting in Lucy's office with a bad black wig? Was this supposed to be real? A flash forward? In Willa's imangination, where she thinks now that she's started her own "vault of secrets" with the bad AMTM clone she is "grown up" into Lucy? Huh?

Argh. As usual, the best thing about the show was schizophrenic Don. Even though Ian Hart rocked his scenes completely, I was still confused. Why were his visions (lame Holt, rotting dead Don with English accent and hot dead chick) telling him to kill Lucy? What's the point of that?

I stuck around for all the episodes of Dirt. Given the ratings and critical trashing, I think this may be an FX "one and done" like Starved, Over There or Thief. I won't mind, and I don't think my Tivo will be doing any weeping if we don't see the return of Dirt. It was a mild diversion, and had some interesting moments, but there were just too many unlikeable (and more importantly, uninteresting) characters. Don, and to some degree, Lucy and Willa, were the only decent characterizations on the show, and the plotting was too pedantic to make the situations in which they appeared compelling. The shows writers couldn't seem to come to grips with the scenario for the show, which on its surface would seem to be rich with opportunities for humor, tragedy and satire. In my view, what killed the show was that they didn't embrace the lunacy of the tabloid world and inject the situations with a sense of fun and humor. After all, take another show on the same network, Rescue Me. That show tackles some seriously dark material and subjects, but consistently makes me laugh. The characters there are also morally ambiguous, but extraordinarily well written and performed.

Unless FX is willing to retool the tone and concept somewhat, and give the show another chance to build up some audience and critical passion, I think we've thrown the last bit of dirt on Dirt.

A changed man

Time for a little self-reflection.

• I'm going to be optimistic, and know that carrying a perpetually sunny outlook will make positive things happen in my life.
• I'm going to always look for the best in people, because they never disappoint, deceive or let you down.
• I will eschew science and logic and realize that good things only happen through faith and beliefs that cannot be rationally explained.
• Television is a vast wasteland, and I won't spend another hour watching it.
• People's past behavior is no indication of who they truly are in the present, and everyone deserves trust.
• Smoking and drinking are harmful vices, don't bring me any joy, and I'll quit to enjoy a rich, happy life well into old age.
• People are inherently selfless, only worrying about the good they can do for others.
• Bitterness is a negative emotion and counter-productive. It will make me feel better to let go of old grudges and forgive the people who have treated me like a doormat anytime over the past 41 years.
• Worrying about using a coaster, emptying an ashtray, cleaning up immediately after a meal, labeling file folders and putting every single item in my home in the "right place" is maddening. A little clutter and mess is good, and I'll let go of my OCD tendencies.
• I'll look in the mirror every day and see a well adjusted, happy and handsome person, come to accept myself faults and all, and truly love me for who I am.
• I finally agree with Whitney Houston: "I believe the children are our future, Teach them well and let them lead the way, Show them all the beauty they possess inside, Give them a sense of pride..."
• I think the earth is our most precious resource and I care about what happens to it long after I'm gone. I'm going to get an electric car, turn my AC up above 70 and start recycling.
• After thinking about it, I realize how much joy is brought to a sportscast by Shannon Sharpe, Joe Theismann, Michael Irvin, Stuart Scott, Bryant Gumbel, Terry Bradshaw, Sterling Sharpe, Tim McCarver and Stephen A. Smith.
• I'm happy and blessed and things could be much worse.

I think I just looked at the calendar.....and realized what day it is.

The Greatest Thing ESPN Has Ever Done

ESPN can be guilty of overhype and shameless commercialism, but when they put their minds to it, they can produce some absolutely top quality television for the sports fan. This video, which coincided with the airing of their superlative "Sports Century" series, took my breath away the first time I saw it during a NY Day 2000 SportsCenter. After the 3rd or 4th time, I stuck a tape in the VCR and recorded it to save for posterity. (Sadly, my VCRs have all gone the way of the dodo and I luckily happened to stumble across this on the YouTubes this morning).

Quite simply, this is the best sports video you will ever see.

Everything is there. A classic song, enthralling in its build and blood pumping in its crescendo. Beautiful, horrifying, mesmerizing, nostalgic, inspiring visions of virtually every single iconic sports image of the last 100 years. Fantastic editing, with the music, lyrics and footage in perfect, synchronous harmony. I can't think of a sports moment that shaped my youth, or that I heard about from my dad, or that I've experienced or read about, that isn't here and doesn't immediately bring a torrent of emotion to the surface. If anyone ever wanted to know why sports are important and why they inspire the passions they do, this video would be exhibit A. If you're a true sports fan, you can't watch this without getting chill bumps and getting misty eyed. Enjoy.

The woosification of America continues unabated

And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him.

That line from a very creative work of fiction signals that the Apocalypse is nigh. While that would be helpful for those of us looking for something dramatic to mark on our calendar to signal the end of days, I personally think the portents of doom will be more subtle, yet even more insidious. Like this:

The Knothole Club of Greater Cincinnati has decided to eliminate "chatter." Unless the chatter is "positive" and directed at your own team.

You have got to be fucking kidding me. Slowly but surely, our culture is turning coddling cesspool of ham handed pop psychology, wrapping kids in the swaddling clothes of "self-esteem" and thoroughly failing to prepare them for adulthood and life in general. This started several years ago, when youth sports leagues started preaching the nonsense about the games being all about "participation" rather than "competition." All kinds of ridiculous rules started popping up, like putting every player, regardless of skill level, into the game. Putting limits on runs scored. Not tracking outs. This nonsense found its way to the play ground, where teachers got rid of time honored games like dodgeball, because if one of the students was too slow to get out of the way of a soft rubber ball, they might learn something along the lines of....they were too slow to get out of the way of a soft rubber ball.

Generations of kids grew up playing dodgeball. Playing wiffle ball. Riding the pine in Little League if they weren't skilled enough to crack the starting line up. When they got to college, did they expect their professors to tell them "hey, you tried. That essay was incomprehensible and not cogent at all. But I don't want to hurt your feelings or make you feel like you're not as smart or talented as every other student in class, so I'll give you an A." When they got into the real world, did they expect their supervisor to tell them "sorry Bob, but Kevin does twice the work you do and is actually smarter and more skilled than you. But I don't want to pass you over for that promotion because it might make you feel bad, so I'm just going to keep everyone where they are and let our profitability slide into the red. Here's a cookie." When they started to navigate the choppy seas of interpersonal relationships, did they expect their girlfriend to tell them "Hey, Ted, I'm sure you realize that Bill makes more money that you, and that I've basically used you up and left you a dried, empty husk. But you know what? I love you and I'm going to stick with you out of love, friendship and respect, and not go bed hopping like a Pussycat Doll looking for the next champagne room because I don't want to make you feel bad." NO. Life is full of soul-crushing disappointment and competition, and the sooner you learn this, the better off you'll be.

Not that "hey, batter, batter, batter, suh-wing!" or "we need a pitcher, not a belly itcher!" is exactly Dorothy Parker sitting around the Algonquin Roundtable trading delicious bon mots with Robert Benchley. But the fact that league organizers feel compelled to step in and save youth baseball players from these "vicious ripostes" is utterly ridiculous.

Look, part of the argument I can understand. Every time we turn on the TV to watch sports, we're subjected to some preening, self-absorbed egomaniac spiking the ball and having a convulsion at midfield after getting a first down (while his team is down by 28), or watching some uneducated prima-donna thumping his chest to draw the camera's attention to promote his rap album, while failing to get back on D and prevent the other team from scoring. But there's a huge difference between acting like TO and having a little "chatter" on the tee ball field.

"Hey, batter! Try your best to put the bat on the ball! And if you miss, that's okay, darn it, because you'll still have your worth and value as a person and be welcomed back into the loving bosom of your mother!"

Not quite the same, is it?

Watch this show!

If you're not watching Andy Barker PI, you're missing the funniest show on TV right now, and the most laugh out loud sitcom I've seen since Arrested Development. It's an absurdist mix of deadpan humor, brilliant comic acting, bizarre characters, sleuthly film noir and the TV detective conventions of the 70s (you expect "A Quinn Martin production" to appear during the retro credits).

Here's some good pimping for the show from Slate.

The pilot, like most pilots, is not exactly perfect and not quite as chuckle-worthy as the subsequent episodes. But the rest of the episodes are instant classics, like the one I watched from last night, "Three Days of the Chicken." How can you not love a story centered around a "murderous chicken cartel?" Where someone says "Everybody eats chicken. Some, like me, for revenge." Or where the gruff old detective says goodbye to a long gone lover with this sentiment: "So long sweetheart. Somewhere in hell, somebody's putting the wood to a quality broad."

If you've been missing out, catch full episodes on NBC. (like I said, the pilot is hit and miss, but the rest are fantastic). You owe it to yourself to check 'em out. And if you're a Nielsen family, watch it live you fuckers.

Whodat? And Ben is Glory?

Thusday's rather somber CSI featured two familiar faces.

Ruby Dee, who played Mother Abigail in The Stand, was the mother of one of the dead strippers. The widow of Ossie Davis, Dee has been a TV stalwart for ages.

Charlie Weber also appeared as the baby daddy of one of the slain trollops. Charlie has been guesting a good bit around the tube lately (he was a stoner on Veronica Mars last fall), but will always be known to me as Ben from season 5 of Buffy. And every time I see him on TV, I feel obligated to post this classic bit:

SPIKE: Uh, Will? Now, uh, don't turn me into a horned toad for asking, but - what if we come across Ben?

WILLOW: I don't think a doctor's what Buffy needs right now.

SPIKE: Well, yeah. Specially not one who also happens to be Glory.

GILES: What do you mean?

SPIKE: You know... Ben is Glory.

WILLOW: You mean Ben's with Glory?

XANDER: "With" in what sense?

ANYA: They're working together?

SPIKE: No no. Ben is Glory. Glory's Ben. They're one and the same.

ANYA: When did all this happen?

SPIKE: Not one hour ago! Right here, before your very eyes! Ben came, turned into Glory, snatched the kid, and - phht! - vanished. Remember? You *do* remember? Is everyone here very stoned? Ben. Glory. He's a doctor. She's the Beast. Two entirely separate entities, sharing one body. It's like a bloody sitcom! Surely, you remember!

XANDER: So you're saying... Ben, and Glory ...

ANYA: Have a... connection.

GILES: Yes, obviously. But what kind?

SPIKE: Oh! I get it. Very crafty. Glory's worked the kind of mojo where anyone who sees her little presto- chango instantly forgets. And yours truly, being somewhat other than human, stands immune.

WILLOW: So, Ben and Glory are... the same person?

XANDER: Glory can turn into Ben, and Ben turns back into Glory.

ANYA: And anyone who sees it instantly forgets.

SPIKE: And a kewpie doll for the lady.

GILES: Excellent. Now. Do we suspect that there may be some kind of connection between Ben and Glory?

SPIKE: (sigh)

Chris Reitsma is not here to fuck us in the ass anymore

2007 Major League Baseball Predictions Part 1: Division Winners and Wild Cards

National League

West: Dodgers. Very solid rotation (until Grady Little leaves someone in until they resemble J. Walter Weatherman) and speed at the top of the order. Lineup needs to stay healthy for them to stay ahead of the Padres and possibly surprising D-Backs.

Central: Brewers. In a division where hanging around .500 will put you in striking distance in September, Ben Sheets will anchor a good staff and allow some young talent to blossom. Plus, I lived in Wisconsin as a kid and any team tied that closely to beer deserves to win every once in a while.

East: Braves. Yes, I'm a homer. I still think this team will rebound from a "disastrous" 2006 season, where they finished 4 games under .500. Andruw is in a walk year, and Chipper, Francouer, McCann and Renteria should put up good numbers. Offense will be cobbled together from platoons and/or the hot hands at 1st, 2nd and LF. The pitching will be surprisingly solid on the front end, and with a rebuilt pen, saves won't be "blown" with the frequency of a Columbus stripper.

Wild Card: Phillies. Much better pitching than the Mets, with almost as much "thump" in the day to day lineup.

American League

West: Angels. Even though they can't figure out which fucking city they want to be from, they're still the class of the West. The A's will hang around like usual, but unless Vlad's back gives out or Gary Matthews starts using dirty needles, the California/Anaheim/Los Angeles/Orange County Angels will take the division.

Central: Tigers. Toughest division to pick, as Cleveland, Chicago and Minnesota should all be competitive and improved over last year. And with Kenny Rogers injured (not from pine tar), the Tigers will have to rally their rotation or put up some serious numbers (having newly acquired cancer Gary Sheffield should help with that). Basically, I'm picking Detroit because Jim Leyland is the only person I know who smokes more than I do, and he (along with Keith Richards) gives me hope that I'll live to see another birthday.

East: Red Sox. Moving Papelbon to the bullpen is a great move for them, and I'm fully buying into the gyroball hype. Better pitching than the Yankees and even though Toronto will be improved as well, I think Boston takes the division.

Wild Card: Yankees. Outstanding top to bottom daily lineup, and A-Rod will put up monster numbers in what could well be a "walk year." Not enough starting pitching to keep up with the Sawx, though the Clemens sweepstakes could change all that.

Don't make fun of my invisible friend

Last night' Bones was engaging, philosophical, sweet and funny. Another outstanding effort from the best procedural on TV.

The plot revolved around a body found in a parish graveyard. Whodats: The older priest was played George Coe, whom I recognized as the Huntzburger grandfather from Gilmores, but who has also been a frequent TV guest star. The younger priest, who enjoyed wresting with young boys but uncharacteristically wasn't giving them any groiny blessings, was played by David Burke, another regular guest star who also played Aurthur on the criminally underrated (and cancelled by Fox, obviously) The Tick. (The Tick himself, Patrick Warburton, was Puddy and is now on some lame sitcom with David Spade. Captain Liberty, the sexy Liz Vassey, pops up on CSI: Original Recipe from time to time, and BatManuel, Nestor Carbonell, is now creepy "Other"/doctor recruiter/magical bus accident orchestrator Richard Alpert on Lost).

Anyway, while the plot was a decent mystery, the real fun and appeal of the show lies in the character interactions. And last night was a doozy. Some of my favorite moments and highlights:

• "I'm Dr. Addy. Are you one of those priests who smacks schoolchildren with rulers?"
• "I'm supposed to walk on eggshells because someone believes a plot of earth has supernatural properties because they waved a wand over it?" "They don't use wands." "Fine. Magic water." "Holy water!" "The terminology makes it real?"
• "Funny, a man who believes in an invisible superbeing wants to run my personal life?'
• "90% of the world believes in god." "And at one time most people were certain the sun revolved around the earth."
• "So you don't believe in all the supernatural mythology he does?" "Yes, I do." "But you seem like such an intelligent man."
• "I love it when you talk smelting."
• Dr. Wyatt was great, as he has been in every episode in which he's appeared.
• "Lunch at the Egyptian place" is indeed a good euphemism for doing the dirty.
• "Actually, organized belief systems which fail to adapt to changing mores are demoted from religions to acknowledged metaphoric myth systems. I mean, no one worships Odin anymore. Or Zeus."
• "Can we take this with us, or do we need to serve a warrant on god?"
• "Can't you just be satisfied that if I'm wrong about god I'll burn in hell?"
• "The hell you say... " "Is he allowed to say that?"
  
• "Dr. Wyatt, we need you to do it with her." "Uh, er, would that I could. Unfortunately, my heart belongs to another."
• "Listen Monty Python, you got it right with Hodges and I. That's fine, but we both know you're full of it on the other thing."

And a beautiful way to wrap up the show:

"Lovers and madmen have such seething brains, such shaping fantasies, that apprehend more than cool reason ever comprehends."

"Journeys end in lovers meeting, every wise man's son doth know."

Preach on Bones and Bard, preach on.

So Lando Calrissian is "The Cobra?"

I'm sure last night's episode of Lost divided a lot of viewers. Many hated the "addition" of Nikki and Paulo to the cast, only to have them do nothing except occasionally visit the loo and look good in a bikini.

Personally, I thought "Expose" was another in a string of excellent episodes (except the Jack's tattoos nonsense) since returning from the hiatus. There were so many excellent "meta" lines and scenarios, all chuckle worthy. A sampling:

• Nikki: "I'm a guest star. Of course I have to die." Director: "You don't have to be dead. We can always bring you back next season."
• Sawyer's continued refrains of "who are you?" and "who the hell are you?"
• Paulo's chef being referred to as the "Brazilian Wolfgang Puck." (When Rodrigo Santoro was cast, many press releases called him "the Brazilian Tom Cruise.")
• Paulo's comment on the other plane: "If I go up there, that thing's gonna fall."
• Shannon's comment to Kate about her "two boyfriends."
• Nikki's comment to Paulo after watching Shannon get her bitch on with Boone: "promise me we'll never end up like them."

Other Losty Goodness:

Billy Dee Williams -- Lando Calrissian! -- turning up in the campy "Expose!" TV show as kind of a "Charlie" to a bunch of skanky stripper "Angels." And his "Mr. LaShade" turns out to be the villainous "Cobra" of the show? Funny.

Nice to see Boone and Shannon turning up (albeit with bad wigs of a Shatnerian level), along with the always entertaining Dr. Artz.

Was Locke watching "Expose" last week when the kid showed up at his place?

"Is there a forensics hatch I don't know about?"

"As far as superpowers go, yours is kinda lame."

So Paulo knew about Ben and Juliet's little plot? And the plane and the hatch? Don't these people ever fucking talk?

Was there the "monster" sound, just before the spiders bit Nikki?

Artz proclaiming that "the pigs can walk!" (From Orwell's Animal Farm).

I didn't read any spoilers for this one, and the twist at the end was ultra creepy. A nice ironic touch, in the "everything you want, in the worst possible way," with how Nikki and Paulo ended up. He got to be with her, and she got the diamonds. Will we see more of them? Because as Locke said earlier in the episode, "things on this island don't stay buried for long."

An unexpected A

Yeah, death woulda been MUCH easier

Interesting article about the psychology of handling major life traumas, like job loss, divorce or being taken in an emotional "long con" that would make Sawyer jealous.

I always knew "equilibrium" was a myth, dude.

Making it rain

Whereby we throw up a bunch of $1 entertainment nuggets onto the stage and see which STDs take them home.

Great article on John Locke, the "heart" of Lost, here. Last week's episode was a classic and among the best of the series. Of course, tonight, we have to deal with Nicki and Paulo. (In case you're wondering, like many other faithful viewers, that would be "and who are you?" and "I like to poop.") On the bright side, I think Artz ("uh, dude, you've got some Artz on you") shows up again, along with Boone and Shannon.

Not entertainment exactly, but a very funny parody of the Pac-Man Jones situation over on Deadspin.

Please make this happen. I'd be willing to forget all about the confusing and wouldn't make sense after a peyote and blotter acid bender alien conspiracy plotline.

Teen movie or biblical epic? Doesn't matter, because this is funny.

Thora Birch's dad is fucked up. If that acting thing doesn't work out, she'll probably become a stripper.

MNF fans rejoice. College football fans shudder in terror.

So wait a minute -- they've done it?

An outstanding return to form (and from the Idol bloat hiatus) for House last night. Snarky commentary? Plenty. Wildly inappropriate relationships? Check. Mystery ailment? Yep. Solid guest star? Yes (more on that in a moment). Medical babble and disgusting symptoms? Uh Huh. (so hereditary hemorrhagic telangiectasia can cause some nasty foaming vaginitis in your mouth? ugh. Sounds like something you might catch in Columbus if you don't check the backstory).

There were too many great lines to write down last night, but a few that I managed to remember:

"...has a rich uncle Cuddy is trying to avoid fellating..."

"Selfish bastard." "Selfish bitch."

"Easy. Nice ass, no boobs and you're got hands like a longshoreman."

"Have you appeared in a porno?"

Plus, the whole House and Wilson conversation at the urinal was priceless. I don't quite know what to make of the fact that Wilson is an expert on the Village People and their various costumes (though sadly, I realized the cogent points of the argument). And having been through kidney stones myself, I definitely could have gone the rest of my life without seeing a self-catheritization. Ouch.

That brings us to the POTW (patient of the week). Marc Blucas played the soldier with the wacky symptoms, who had made out with Cuddy at some point. I thought he did a fine job with the material, but then again, I'm one of the 0.01% of Buffy fans that actually liked his performance and character as Slayer doormat and Captain America, Riley Finn. After the darkness of her relationship with Angel, a farm raised white bread hero was a perfect counterpoint, and aptly demonstrated the difficulty of maintaining a relationship when you've got the weight and fate of the world resting on your size 2 shoulders. Also, his later descent into dark territory (vamp brothels, anyone?) only further showed the toll taken on anyone coming into Buffy's orbit, and how nice guys really do finish last.

Finally, in a well played but almost throwaway bit of dialogue we learn that House and Cuddy once made the beast with two backs? Woah. Didn't see that coming. They've been hinting at the characters' mutual "obsession" with each other for 2+ seasons, and it will be fascinating to see this explored as we move on.

Great Stuff. Solid A.

At least they didn't yodel

Tuesday's American Idol featured Gwen Stefani as the special guest coach, and a focus on the "pop music she's performed and that inspired her." Gwen looked demure and gorgeous (as usual) and gave solid advice to the contestants, that some followed and some didn't. We didn't see any coaching on how to marry a 10 minutes ago rock poseur with a secret baby, annoyingly insert rap into a pop song that would be just fine without it, have four Japanese indentured servants follow you around to help kick start your clothing line or maintain perfect washboard abs. Perhaps that was edited out.

Lakisha started the night off with Donna Summer's "Last Dance." I'm a huge Donna Summer fan and remember the first time Sam brought her "Love to Love You Baby" record (remember those?) home and played it. Bettye asked why anyone would think that a 20 minute orgasm was a song. Nevertheless, we all became huge fans of the disco diva, and while the songs themselves are simple enough, you've gotta have serious pipes to pull them off and do the original justice. (This is one of the few times Gwen said something nonsensical in her intro package: that the music that inspired her didn't require "big voices" to perform. Sure, Robert Smith and Chrissy Hynde - and maybe even Sting - have unique and personality driven sounds, but Donna Summer? Was there a bigger voice in the 70s and 80s? I think not). Anyway, Lakisa performed it competently, but I wasn't that crazy about it. It was a safe choice for her (does she only perform songs by black females?) and did infuse her choice with a tad of (comparative) youth.

Chris S was up next, performing the Police's "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic." I love this song, but I can understand the difficulty in performing it. The Police were known for their punk/ska/reggae/pop infused sound, characterized by challenging, unconventional rhythms. Gwen warned Chris about keeping with the tempo, and he did not pull it off. His tempo was all over the place and this was a total mess. Kudos to him for realizing it and taking the criticism well.

Gina was the biggest surprise of the night. I've enjoyed her performances thus far in the final 12, and think the judges have been much harder on her than I would have been. But to get back in their good graces, she needed to raise her game and indeed she did with a stellar performance of the Pretender's "I'll Stand By You." Not one of my favorite songs, but Gina was technically proficient and emotionally connected to the song.

Sanjaya. By picking a song by the judge and going with the mohawk, has he simply realized he's the biggest crime perpetrated against the viewing public since the Pussycat Whores drew better ratings than Veronica Mars? Is he on the joke? He's simply awful. He. Must. Go.

It didn't get much better with Haley. The only positive things I can say about that performance: short skirt and high heels.

Phil did a poker-faced version of "Every Breath You Take," and was quite good. Best I've seen from him. Nothing over the top, but perhaps not transcendent enough to move him from the bottom to mid level of the pack where he seems to be stuck. But a sold version.

Melinda took on another tune from Donna Summer, "Heaven Knows." Melinda, as she has done all season, delivered an impeccable vocal. She simply has a great voice. I did question her choice of wearing a dress made out of The Ropers' living room drapes.

I think we're going to see a trend with Blake. Each week, after the first performance with the judge, Blake is going to hear "er, dude. What the fuck with the beat boxing? You need to tone that shit down." And then Blake will get onstage and do a less beatboxy, interesting twist on the original version of the song, and do it very well. I'm a huge fan of the Cure's "Love Song," and I wasn't enamored with Blake's down tempo version, but it was unique, well performed and should keep him, as Simon pointed out, at the front of the male pack.

Jordin, despite wearing a top cut from a Shakey's Pizza tablecloth, took a not too challenging No Doubt song ("Hey Baby") and delivered it with energy, confidence, powerful vocals and smiling enthusiasm. Great job.

Chris R performed my favorite No Doubt tune, "Don't Speak." I'm just not feeling the Chris R vibe. It sounded like a bitter, angry song performed by the Mickey Mouse Club, shallow in the connection to the material and a complete dishonor to the judge (who wisely warned him to stick to the song straight up).

Overall, helpful hints (not followed, at the peril of the contestants) from Gwen, decent song selection and some powerful performances from unexpected sources.

TNRLM's Top 3: Jordin, Gina, Melinda
TNRLM's Bottom 3: Sanjaya, Haley, Chris S

Whodat? (Commercial - Guest Star Edition)

Twice in one day, I saw the same character actress popping up in TV shows I watch. (Not that they aired the same day, thanks to the miracle that is Tivo). Once in a repeat of Without A Trace (that featured Miranda's old SITC boyfriend as a wacko who believed he was being tracked by aliens) and again on the increasingly funny Andy Barker PI. While usually I'm great at picking up on these things and even knowing the actor, I couldn't place her yet had the feeling I've seen her a great deal - almost like she was burned into my consciousness. Who was she? After a little digging, I found out it was Margaret Easley. Not a name I recognized, until it dawned on me, and saw the confirmation in her IMDB bio: she's the perky redhead in the ubiquitous DirectWay internet satellite commercials.

Side note about Andy Barker. If you're not watching it, or you gave up after the pilot, keep watching. The second episode, Fairway My Lovely, was hysterical. (It was penned by noted Buffy, Gilmores and BSG scribe Jane Espenson). It's been along time since I laughed out loud at a sitcom (probably watching reruns of Arrested Development on G4 last week), but this had several absurd and chuckle worthy moments. You can probably find it on the YouTubes or NBC's site.

Bob Dylan is a Cylon

Guess that would explain the whole "Dylan goes electric" controversy, eh?

I've been busy, stunned and contemplative the past couple of days, so I won't post my thoughts on the Season 3 mind frakking finale of Battlestar Galactica until later this week. However, I have come across some great interviews and links that you should definitely see.

WARNING: THERE ARE SPOILERS HERE. If you haven't seen the finale and don't want to know what happened, then don't visit these.

The last few minutes of the episode, featuring most of the huge reveals AND the awesome reinterpretation of "All Along The Watchtower."

Great insight into the composition of the music and song here.

A fan video about the occupation and resistance on New Caprica, posted in November of last year, featuring....yep, "All Along The Watchtower."

Ronald D Moore interview.

Another RDM Interview.

And one more.

Also, it appears the 2 hour movie (airing on Sci-Fi in the fall, tiding us over until the return of the series in 2008) will be about the Battlestar Pegasus, but also involve the who cast of Galactica. Interesting.

Another completely game-changing episode from the best show on TV. Enjoy.